To do? or not to do? Innie minnie mannie mo, father has a donkey 'This is ridiculous!' she thought either ways its gonna happen. With the wind caressing her long black hair, the horrible experience plays back in her head.
It was a very beautiful Saturday morning, the sun rays lit up the room, all she had to was get off the bed but, it was seeming more difficult than she had anticipated the previous night. She had written in her journal before she fell asleep with her cloth on..
12th April 2006
Today was the best in like forever. I finally got the chance to audition for that role i've been wanting to play, thanks to this audition I finally get a chance to leave this house hmmm.... so I cant wait till its morning altho' the audition starts at noon, I know dz excitement would not make me sleep well....
Ifeoluwa!! Ifeoluwa!!! you don't want to be late for your audition do you?? common get up!!
Waking up with the pen in her hands upon looking at the wall clock which read 9.00am all she could do was laugh at herself, knowing she had little time to get her act together, she got off the bed and went into the bathroom to take a quick shower.
'Gladly mummy supports me, I cant imagine if she had followed that old man hmm... but seriously whats with this man and the entertainment industry? I don't get it! He has just decided not to bulge' this thought stream through her head while taking a shower.
She get out and started thinking of the appropriate cloth to wear, after trying like 5 different outfits she got tired and opted for a black top, a Jean with a black plimsolls with pink lace, looked In the mirror 'ok! This is it, I think I look nice enough to wow the judges ba? Too bad the mirror can't talk back' she looked at the time and it was 10am already and she still had to present her act to her mum before she leaves.
Mummy! She called out as soon as she got downstairs, i'm ready, won't u have breakfast? Errrmm I don't think so, I don't wanna throw up all cos i'm nervous, don't worry u would be fine her mum told her so get your butt there and show me whatchu got, she could not but laugh at an old school mum trying to 'feel among'
Don't you think the driver should drop you? Her mum cried as she was racing out the door, mum for the umpteenth time I'm a big girl i can take care of myself i'ld take the bus thank you, bye mama, Soon she was out the door, on the bus all she could think of was her mothers applause after showing her the act and hoping that she was applauding her because the act was good not because she was doing her duty to make her feel good.
Then she saw the sign, pulled the 'bus-stop string' in the brt bus, she was getting closer to the venue and her heart was racing faster, she would need to walk down the street to before she gets there - crap!
Mentally going over her performance she hardly heard the 'hey sister' as she passed a group of boys that gathered under a tree drinking and smoking, she kept walking till she felt the presence of someone behind her, looking back, she picked up her pace, tryin to run then she felt the huge, rugged and heavy hands on her shoulder 'Who is chasing you?' stammering and trying to get her words out 'errmmm... I-i-i wasnt running i'm just late for and audition, that starts in...' looking down at her watch '10mins plss can i go?' Now like 2 of the guyz from under the tree had walked up to them. Looking around the street was empty, now she got more scared....
'did you not ear me call you?' said one of the guyz that approached them 'i-i d-didn't ear my name' then he walked closer to her whispering in her ears 'you look sexy' feeling all shaky she said 'thank you sir please can i go now? I have a audition in 5mins' they all looked at her then back at themselves and burst out in the most sacarstic laughter she had ever heard 'why am i here today? Why did i take this route? Why did i not jump at mummy's let-the-driver-drop-you offer?' all this thought raced through her head all at a time....
'You can go' was all she heard and her she gave a sigh of relieve which did not last for long, as soon as she turned her back to leave, she felt the hand again, only this time it wasnt on her shoulder but on her mouth trying to keep her from shouting, she kicked and tried to loose herself off his grip but it was futile, then the big bang on the side of her head and she blacked out.
As her bare back hit the rough hard surface she opened her eyes, she looked above to see the preyin' eyes of 3 huge, rough looking men that was when it clicked 'where the heck are my cloth and where am i?' looking around all she knew was this was an uncompleted building that was it, so she decided to voice her thought and all she got was a slap that made her bleed 'shhhuuussshhh cooperate with us by keeping quiet and we would not give you any of that' now with tears and thought of what is about to befall her she started begging and the minute she opend her mouth, it was followed by another slap, she closed her eyes with agony and pain as the first guy mounted on her and forced his way in, all she could do was beg God to take her out of this misery and she passed out - Again.
She opened her eyes to an empty room, At first all she thought of was 'Geez ma audition!' but as she moved and felt sour it all came back, the guyz, the slap, the.... It was better not thinking about it, but how was this not going to haunt her for the rest of her life? She stood up and picked her cloths that were scattered off the ground and she knew right there that it was going to be that difficult to pick the pieces of her life back, because every step she took was more painful than the last.
Sitting on the ground hugging her legs with tears in her eyses, re-living the ordeal to her mum was the most difficult thing she had ever done in her entire life.
Her mum was filled with regrets if only i had insisted that she took the driver this wouldnt have happened to my baby girl she thought but she also knew better not to play the 'why did u not listen to me game' now was not the time, her baby needed her and that was exactly where she would be, right beside her. She tried so hard not to think of what her father would say and even considered not telling him at all, because he could be insensitive and start the 'i told you so story which frankly i'm not ready for' she thought i guess i'ld just let it be for a week before i tell him.. All this thought were going through as she sat there with her daughter in her arms and tears rolling down their cheeks.
What is she thinking? Does she now see me as unclean like i feel? Would she tell daddy? How would i get out of this? Would this scar ever leave? Can i get pregnant? Oh no no no no!!!! Then my child would be a bastard? No no no God please No.. As she stayed quietly in the comfort of her mums embrace her mind was everywhere but there.
As her mum stood up from the bed thinking she had slept off, she still found it hard to fall aslip as the event of the day just kept replayin' in her head. Then she got up from her bed went into the bathroom and took a bottle of pills and also a knief....
To do or not to do? Innie minnie mannie mo, father has a donkey 'this is ridiculous!' she thought either ways its gonna happen. With the wind caressing her long black hair, the horrible experience plays back in her head then she decides i cant continue like this lemmie pick the less painful one..
She then picks up her pen and writes:
Dear mum and dad,
I'm really sorry i have to leave you in this manner but i don't think i can leave with this scar for the rest of my life, i'm almost going out of my mind just re-living the horrible experience in my head and its been less than 24hrs, i don't tink i wanna got thru this for the rest of my life. Thank you for always being there for me. I love you both.
Then she opens the bottle and takes an overdose of the sleeping pills,then goes to sleep quietly.
Ifeoluwa! Ifeoluwa!! You don't want to be late for your audition do you? Common get up!!
With the pen in her hand she opens her eyes reluctantly, Her mum walked in and the first thing that came out of her mouth was 'Mum please let the driver drop me'
P.S: This is the second of the Silent wish series here is a link to the first one i wrote.
Enjoy!!!!!
