Confessions of a Horny Virgin: What really Counts

Hello Everyone,

Welcome once again, and If you've not been following the series click here for the previous episodes and yes *sniff* *sniff* Its the last episode *pouts* I had fun. But lets proceed shall we? :)

In the past 2 weeks you've come here to read me relay a part my story. You either stopped by because of the catchy Title or to feed your curiosity about where I am taking this to. For whatever reason you opened the link, I really hope you enjoyed reading it and it blessed your life in one way or another.

I said in the last post how I was on the board of Directors of How-much-can-I-get-away-with-and-still-be-saved.

I grew up with the notion that Virginity meant not getting pregnant before I married, I guess because of the emphasis on "If you get pregnant, You will drop out", so doing everything BUT penetrate was totally fine for me.
I always knew what I did wasn't right but I would sooth my conscience with "I sha didn't have sex"

In my moment of curiosity I watched some porn and at some point touched my self, Which was inevitable with the constant junk I feed my eyes and ears. I was trapped, the Devil lied to me that I really shouldn't talk about it, I will be judged and no one really wants to know the filth you engage in behind closed doors. I believed and kept quiet.

Its a lie, You are not alone AND you can be free.

Alot of people when talking about Virginity keep giving the Impression that being a Virgin means not having sex before marriage and alot of people grow up with that at the back of their minds, little emphasis is laid on Purity.

I discovered (While studying the word) that my body is the temple of the Lord, Why would I want to give a piece of Gods sacred place to anyone and everyone that comes my way?

Now, I believe that the focus should be purity and not just "Be a virgin", Virginity is a product of purity. It is not going to be a walk in the park.

Everyday is a battle between you and your flesh and we are more than conquerors through him that Loves us.

Oh. Some days you will fall, but like me, I encourage you to be the one that falls 6 times and rises up 7 times. The Grace of God is not an avenue to bask in sin, but a knowledge of him who is faithful and Just to forgive and doesn't record our sins against us.

I re-iterated and decided to stay pure. Have I fallen short since then? Yes, Did I stand up? Yes. Does God look at me, dust me up and draw me back into his embrace EVERYTIME? Yes.

Is it ever late? No

Will he do the same for you? Absolutely.

Want him to do it for you? Say this prayer with me:

Heavenly father, I acknowledge that I have done wrong and misused my body out of Ignorance, have mercy on me. I present my body to you as a living sacrifice and I ask that you help me keep it pure as you intended in the beginning. Thank you for your ever present help. In Jesus name. Amen

Yaay!! Congratulations and yes, Lets continue in the purity Journey shall we?

:) Thank you all for Having me here and for the encouraging comments. I had maximum fun!

Adriana.

P.S: I have gotten some stories of people the want to share their, We would post it over the next weeks as we get the entries, If you want to share your story to encourage someone or to talk about your journey as a virgin send a mail to [tomi.akibo@gmail.com] Or if you just want to talk, I'm open as well.

Thank yooou!!!

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Confessions of a Horny Virgin: Almost doesn't count

Good Morning,

How are you doing? Have you been following this series? Good. But if you've not, you can check it out the previous posts here 

Enjoy and pick up a lesson or 2 :) 

".... there are virgins due to lack of opportunity. They do all sorts except the tearing of the hymen part which I don't consider as being true to one's virgin nature and totally not God's definition of being a virgin"  - Comment on the Introduction

I saw this and smiled because I am probably the face of the How-far-can-I-go-and-still-Remain-Saved section of #TeamV and Also a share holder in the board of directors of the He-Sha-Didn't-Penetrate Section as well. 

Maybe I wasn't listening so well in Sunday school, oh scratch that, nobody teaches things like that in sunday school. I sha didn't know not loosing your 'virginity' or not letting go of your hymen did not mean purity - Which ideally, is supposed to be the aim of keeping yourself in the first place. Today I know better.

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I wasn't in the clouds for too long as I felt him really close to me and all that came to mind was 

"Possibility of getting pregnant" 

"No more school" I really didn't mind having the sex BUT I took my mothers threat seriously, so I gave myself brain at that moment. 

I also kept thinking of the fact that we would give the hotel staff blood stain to wash, the sight didn't look good. 

After properly adjusting my head back on the grounds, looking at him I knew he wasn't anywhere close to the earth, I brought him back quickly 

"No"

"but, we are here already"

"Its painful"

"It won't hurt, don't worry"

And I kid you not, we were there in that same exact position for almost an hour, going back and forth. It wasn't funny. The week after wasn't funny as well as I had to walk bearing the pains in my thigh, couldn't tell anyone ofcourse, Why would I want to tanish my innocent image by being the one spending time with a boy in AN HOTEL ROOM!!!

Between, That was the first night. I did get my wish, we did the next 2 nights in the brother-sister kind of way. I got my period. 

I am one of the girls that doesn't bother to count because, I'm a virgin - duhhh - I am confident nothing has happened and I will even be happy when the thing doesn't come.

I was happy at the accuracy of this one. With massive cramps and a non-heartless boyfriend. I scaled through the weekend and remained #TeamV

Now, My stupidity - for lack of a better word - brought me close to loosing it again, time and time again.

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Going to the stream and expecting water not to touch you is the height of stupidity, This was the theme of my sexual-not-so-sexual life. I Would go visit/spend a night at a guy/man's (as the case my be) place 'Innocently' and expect him not to touch me or make sexual advances towards me.

I had the "Nothing below the belt" policy or I get let of the hook when I say "I've never done this before" Now, you might call it luck, but I later saw the hand of God in all these 'places' I went because, I took risks. Risk of being raped, risk of getting pregnant, risk of contacting diseases. Sigh.

Something had to change, Really.

It did.

Final Episode on Friday! 

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Confessions of a Horny Virgin: Interlude

Hi,

Welcome back or Welcome. If this is your first time here click here to see the previous 'Confessions'. Enjoy.

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Well not really.

Curiosity they say kills the cat, in my case curiosity made me know or feel strange in my body. In the dead of the night staring at the computer screen looking and scanning at the thing that was so forbidden that everyone asked us to stay clear off without reasons.
From "Lets see what this is about?" to "o_o" to "O_O" to "Oh, this makes me feel good"

I never was and will not go out of my way to look for erotic pictures on the internet but anytime I was alone and I had the internet, It was time to explore and I learnt to cover my tracks well "ctrl + H" anyone?

I don't know where I got the idea to go check out pornographic images and yes close your mouth girls do it too, it either started from watching a kissing/erotic scene in a movie and feeling uneasy to reading all those novels with erotic content. Seeds were sown in those moments.

Like I said, I wasn't addicted but was a bad habit none the less, something that disgusts you so much but still find pleasure in? I was happy when I broke off all ties, I didn't really tell anyone until now but the feeling of guilt it brought was enough reason for me to decide that I was done.

Then the many lies the Devil throws your way and makes you feel like you are alone in it and be to ashamed to talk to someone about it. Crap.

I didn't talk to someone and I am not bound by the ties any more. See, I took measure. Drastic ones. I talked about seeds earlier right? From little things the seed gets sown in your mind and I identified them.

I stopped watching movies.

"Oh, lets see a movie" 
"I don't feel like" 

You really think I don't feel like watching movies?

"What happened, You are not following me back"
"Really? Let me check"
In my mind: "Of course i'm not following you back, that's because you tweet crap"

I unfollowed everyone on my twitter and followed some people back, not everyone I don't follow back is tweeting crap but sometimes you JUST have to take those measures.

My friend says "Will I now break my laptop?" and I say "Yes" Well Not really, There are more stuffs drawing you to the attention of where the pornography is than the internet.

Is it not the same internet you were using before you 'discovered' porn? Identify those things that make you start getting horny. Eliminate those things one by one. As much as I want to say "Get an accountability partner" I won't - at least not the friend you know -

Sin thrives in secrecy and the guilt and shame may make it hard for you to talk thats why I am here to make it easier for you :)

First step is confession and YES, your best accountability partner is the holy Spirit. People can be there on the other side of the blackberry and not knowing what you are doing, But wait.. The Holy spirit is ALWAYS there to help you. Always.

I watch movies now, Once in a blue moon. and I say prayers like "Dear Lord, I am horny please take it away" x_x

Having said all this Can we continue? :)

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I still don't understand why my young mind expected it to be a sister-brother in a room kind of night. Not for long.

The I-Can't-Go-Further-Than-This mentality had made me master the art of kissing - No, I didn't practise alot, I just made sure I improved at every opportunity - This evening we kissed till it got boring.

Naturally, everything else started falling off. He touched me in places I had never been touched before, I made sounds I had only heard in movies and boy did it feel good.

I had my head in the clouds.

Not for Long.

Not for very long.

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Confessions of a horny Virgin: Activation

I grew up with the fear in my heart of getting pregnant if I ever had sex.
Mother had done a good Job of making me understand the implication of getting pregnant and I knew I didn't want to be the girl with big belly going to the tailor's shop to resume work after dropping out, automatically sex was a NO-NO! So, I zipped up.

Getting to secondary school and seeing young girls like me living the "aristo" life I knew I didn't want to be part of that. I know my mother was just doing her bit to make us choose right but we 'chose' right out of fear without alot of knowledge on the topic.
High school, different children from different backgrounds, Influence and peer pressure flying all around I got armed with information, with a little God factor I made a conscious decision to be pure till I got married. I had no Idea that because I made the decision everybody else didn't make it with me.

I soon realised.

Time of the season: 2008     Location: On the phone

"You are 18 now, you will have so much responsibilities" She said, My aunt. My mind was spinning around

"Yes, I am now a big girl, I can go out, I can buy cloths myself"

Little did I know that even if she didn't think about that but responsibility came in ALL areas of your life, even sexual.

Time of the season: 2008     Location: Dusty T Junction 

"Will you be my girlfriend?" He asked and I burst out laughing. I didn't know how else to let him know that I wasn't interested. I wasn't fronting, i really wasn't interested.

A little time went by, we hung out more, he made me laugh alot and I felt comfortable with him. I decided to give him a chance and we started dating. Its always okay and cool for you to be a virgin till you start dating, then they expect you to give it up for them. If I gave it up for the guy before you will you meet tear rubber? Sigh. 

Anyways, I realised I had fallen in Love, then reality hit when we started talking about sex and our stand point. Apparently, I was the only of the 'view' to not have sex in the relationship, It was okay at the beginning but then at some point he said "Lets wait and See" and sometimes go further to tell me about the girls that were ready to give it up for him. In other words "Madam fix up" 

I guess that was my queue to run right? But I was in Love and honestly still really naive as I had not activated my "Sexual" desires.

After all the 'pressure' and the curiosity(in my mind) I gave into spending a weekend with him. I don't know why I expected it to be a brother-sister in a room kind of weekend. 

You guessed right, I was wrong. Very wrong.

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Location: Some Random Hotel

We checked into the hotel around the evening time and after settling into the stuffy room, We talked, laughed and teased each other for a while and honestly, I was excited to be spending the alone time with him but I also wasn't ready for what was ahead, I mean I didn't mentally prepare myself. We had talked and he knew where I stood on the sex issue and I was kinda confident that he won't pass his boundary. Wrong - Again!

This was my first time for alot of things, No guy had ever seen me without my cloths prior to this time(_~_), I had never seen a naked guy before (x_x), No guy had over-touched me and alot of feelings and sensations I didn't feel till this day/night.

And when it was around the middle of the night, I was so certain this would be me having sex for the first time.

Again, I was wrong :)

Would conclude this next week, In the mean time, Want to talk about the first time you really felt something sensual?

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Confessions of a Horny Virgin: Prelude

Hello Everyone,

Remember  me? From Blue Peril? Yes! I'm adriana, the shoe addict that ran away  that disappeared after one post. Its good to be back oh and this time, I am staying.
I'm a virgin and i've been so all my life - duuh - *Insert blond moment here* x_x
She has tagged me "Horny" Who am I to complain? Only this doesn't make a very good second first impression.

I've given you 'gist' of the first time I shared a kiss with a boy at the age of 16, and how that started the journey of saying goodbye to my innocence. I decided to think back, because knowing me, that can't be the real genesis. The story won't be complete if I didn't say this one here.

You see 'Blue Peril' wasn't exactly my first kiss, but was my first kiss that I knew what was happening. Lets go to the real genesis shall we?

**P.s: I want to try not to mention names and location as these stories are real, to protect their privacy. Cool? 
Cool**

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2003 Location: Boarding House.

Life as a 13 year old in a boarding school for the first time wasn't easy at all. From constant illness to bullying mates to funny/weird 'spiritual' happenings in the girls hostel.

I was the new girl for a while and I was beautiful (That much I knew) got attention from boys and you know how the boys that like you tend to yab you alot because they don't want it to be obvious they do?
I got alot of yabs that made my life in Jss2 a misery(It was that serious) Only after leaving I found out that those boys actually like me. Sigh.

Sooner than later I was paired with a boy that everyone teased me about, they even gave us a joined botanical name - don't ask- You will think this is about him right? No.

Its another him, my house master, he was also the English teacher at the time. I fell ill alot and all the hostel staff knew me.

"You're sick again, Omo mummy"
Since we didn't have phone we would talk to our parents through the house masters. Mr O was really cool, as the not-so-strict one of the 2 house masters, everyone liked him and was fond of him - to the best of my knowledge -

Memory from then is really blur and I can't exactly remember alot of details but Occasionally I would go collect hot water from his lodge to take a bath, the reason why I did that is lost on me right now.
This faithful day as always I was feeling ill and I went over to boil water.

I'm sure by now you are wondering why we didn't have a house mistress, well we did but her lodge was inside the boys hostel (Who does that anyways?) and she was the closest thing to a witch i knew at the time, always moody and so NOT accommodating, so our house masters were the go-to people most of the time.

I walked into the lodge that had a living area, 2 rooms, a kitchen and bathroom. The scanty living area had a carpet on the floor, white sitting chairs, a table and Tv.

Mr O opened the door for me and I complained about my feverish feeling, Like in response to my complain he moved closer and pecked me on my lips

"You are really ill, your lips are cold" he said as he stepped away from me, my young innocent mind didn't make anything of it and with the way he was quick to dismiss it like it wasn't a big deal. I didn't mention it to anyone afterall it wasn't a big deal.

He did it again, This time he really kissed me, I wasn't ill. I didn't say anything to anyone about it until now.

Then I heard a certain senior talking about how he pushed her on his bed when she was alone in his room, then my eyes opened and I was too sure that approaching every situation from an innocent perspective was going to put me in trouble some day.

It did.

Find out how on Friday will talk about the activation of my sensual and sexual desires.

Have you come to an end of yourself? Have you come to a point where nothing else seems to be working out and you've tried all you could? Click to meet GRACE

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Introducing: Confessions of a Horny Virgin

I'm done.
I. am. Tired.
I know this is supposed to be an introduction, but, Can I rant for a while? Ok, Thanks. When you decide to be a virgin well more like when your mother threatens you to not get pregnant.  Those that have gone before do not exactly tell how it goes in reality.

The lonely nights.
The longing to be held.
The unnecessary baths you have take.
That annoying run just to expel some tension, and the unfortunate fall into masturbation( for some)
Nope, This isn't exactly why I'm tired. I am okay with finding out about stuff right in the middle and adjusting quickly. Why am I tired? #TeamUnrealisticV
We all go ahead to be the all-prime-and-proper-Virgins-till-I-marry-Its-all-roses-through-the-process Arrgghhhh!

I've always wanted to have an honest realistic conversations about different stuffs, I really appreciate knowing that I am not in a struggle on my own and also encouraging people around me, but I've found out no one really wants to talk about it. I was chatting with a friend a while ago and he said "Some girls just like to portray themselves as superhumans, so they don't get judged. But it would be good to know that you can talk about it and know you are not in the phase alone"

Maybe i've not looked well, but I only see people say #TeamVirgin and why they decided to stick to the route and "No one says its going to be east, but its worth it" But then, What about the koko of the gist? :(

Anyways, Why else am I here? To bring it to you as it is noni :) Well, Not me exactly Remember Adriana? From Blue Peril? You can check out the post :)

For those that just started following this blog (Please, tell me there are new followers -___-) I featured her sometime last year and she just disappeared, But now? she is back and excited about this and wants to share her journey as a young Christian Virgin as a form of encouragement to others out there to know that we not alone in the process.

The series will start tomorrow and continue for the next couple of weeks (depending on how much she wants to share) and if you are out there and want to share something about your journey as a Virgin and how you've dealt with it, your entries are welcome mail me [tomi.akibo@gmail.com] or you just need someone to talk to please, mail me. Would love to read from you.

Drop your anonymous  comments. Thanks.

See you tomorrow :) *Takes a back seat*

Have you come to an end of yourself? Have you come to a point where nothing else seems to be working out and you've tried all you could? Click to meet GRACE

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