His Perspective: Why do men cheat?

Earlier today, having a discussion with a good friend, she asked me: “Jay, why do men cheat?”. Out of the blue like that. Wow. Why indeed? This is the question we all seem to want an answer to, so that maybe, just maybe, we can find a solution and our men can keep their eyes inside, and not look to play outside matches.

I was prepared to answer this question, because earlier this week, I had another conversation with a good friend, (oh well, life’s all about conversations isn’t it?), and in her wisdom she told me: “We are all capable of every kind of thing, every good, every bad, no one is exempt. We are all a broken version of the original, the intent of the heart of man is desperately wicked, who can know it”…Indeed, who can?

And then tonight, I’m trying to study the Word, and I open to Proverbs 27:20, I’ll quote the Amplified version so you get a better idea of where my thoughts are leading: “ Sheol (the place of the dead) and Abaddon (the place of destruction) are never satisfied; SO (THE LUST OF) THE EYES OF MAN IS NEVER SATISFIED.” Ha! Yes you cheating son of a gun, you are likened to the Hell and Death! But hold on, just a minute. We all are. All of us.

Now, that verse seems like I’m absolving all men who cheat and will cheat of their sin, moreover the bible has already said their lust can’t be satisfied, right? Right??! It is a tempting thought trust me, but, well, not quite. You see, as going to hell and being dead (in a spiritual manner) is a form of choice and decision, so is the third party, the lust of the eyes of man, a choice and decision. You choose to lust or allow yourself lust over money, drink and women. You choose to forget that you have a beautiful, God-fearing and inspiring wife at home, and decide deep in your heart to run after “ayonge” that can give you 50 Shades of pleasure, YOU CHOOSE! Starting from your thoughts, you choose to allow them go and wander in dangerous territory, and then the seed is sown…the actions will automatically follow.

Ehen, and before we put all the cheating blame on men, lemmi stop you right there: Women cheat. Full stop. I’m not blaming anyone, but a lust for a fruit outside what God said was okay to eat is what put us in this position in the first place. So ALL of us can cheat, forget the societal stereotype that Men are the greatest cheats.

I have fallen prey to these lusts myself. And at the end of the day, I feel horrible, looking back, it was never a worthy choice. Never. I had something better, so why wasn’t it enough?? Because I choose to have a lust…and like all lusts, it can never be satisfied.

So, man or woman, here are my thoughts:

1. First things first, Biko flee from that lust, because if you don’t, it will NEVER be satisfied.

2. Philippians 4:8,  “Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honorable, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.” Think on that beautiful wife, think on the damage it may cause, think about your soul, think, think, think!

As I write to you, I’m thinking of this lovely woman who has caught my heart, who has forgiven me in spite of my mistakes, and I’m praying to God to take away my lust and for it to never resurface, because I want to do right by Him and by her also. I will think of her whenever this temptation wants to arise. Because I CHOOSE to think of her and place her over the lust.

3. Lastly, Romans 12:2 “…but be ye transformed by the renewal of our mind” Renew your mind daily through the Word.

I haven’t had peace all week, but finally my heart knows rest.

Yours,

Mo.

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I am tempted to quit blogging

A wise man once said to me ¨If you don't know what to write about, then write about the fact that you don't know what to write about¨  

I am taking that piece of Advice today. 

I am tempted to quit on this blog.
I am tempted to just stop writing.
I am tempted to let go and stop being deliberate.
I am tempted to 'Let life just happen'.
I am tempted to just quit.
I am tempted.

I put it out on all my social media accounts about the thought that has been in my head about this online space and the response was overwhelming. I think that it was selfish of me to just want to quit after meeting and making amazing friends via this platform.

The past few weeks have been different in the sense that I didn't take anything slow at all. Everything was fast paced, time was barely enough, life changing decisions to make or not make. Let's just say alot was happening but My God & I kept this space 'busy' for a while.

Although this is not the first time I have nursed the thought, but this is the first time I voiced it out to the public and I didn't know what to expect but the response was really encouraging...

But then one person said to me

¨If that is what you want then go for it¨ 

Which brings me to why I wanted to quit;

* I am using present tense because its an on-going process

I am looking at me; I am looking at me. Looking at what I am not doing right, looking at how my life is busy and how I can't keep up, thinking of how I need to make time to write, thinking of what I want to write. Notice the constant thing? ¨I¨

I am looking at you; Asking questions like ''Who even reads this?'' ''Is this adding value to anyone?'' ''Will anyone notice if I don't continue?'' etc

I am looking at others; ¨Oh my! see how pretty her blog is... Jeez my doesn't even cut it'' ''She's got alot to say everyday, you what are you doing?¨ ¨What? > 20 comments and counting on one... ONE post... Chai¨ These are some of the things I have said to myself.

I was doing all the looking when I should have been looking at/to HIM.

Then I was reminded today;

 But the Lord said, “My grace is all you need. Only when you are weak can everything be done completely by my power.” So I will gladly boast about my weaknesses. Then Christ’s power can stay in me. [2 Cor 12:9 ERV]

So, when I hear things like ''If that is what you want go for it¨ I interpret it as this ¨If that is what you want remember that its not about you'' 

Because 'I' will always want it. I will always want to quit. I will always want to be lazy. I will always want to be uninspired. I will always not want to make the extra effort. I will always..... (fill in the blank for other excuses we make) and if you are also being honest you also want to quit sometimes.

But.... IT'S. NOT. ABOUT. YOU.

Someone also said ¨If its just one person reading...¨ I also take comfort in that too but most importantly remember Gods strength is made perfect in your weakness.

I WAS tempted to quit on this blog.
I WAS tempted to just stop writing.
I WAS tempted to let go and stop being deliberate.
I WAS tempted to 'Let life just happen'.
I WAS tempted to just quit.
I WAS tempted.

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#ThankfulThursdays: My unsung Heros

Hello Everyone,

Its ThankfulThursday! Whoop. I'm going to do something rather different today. On a faithful day, I sat back and thought through the process of my life, what it had taken me to get to where I was today. There are people that their names are on the forefront that will readily spill out of my mouth when i'm asked... My Dad, My Mum, My sisters, Mosope, Debo... I also noticed at different points/phases there were people that although didn't know what they did at the time but were placed strategically at those times to help me move forward or be a catalyst of change for me and prepare me for who God wants me to be.

Today, I am thankful for my unsung Heroes.

1. Grandma - I called her ''Mama" I wrote about her here  She took care of my from when I was a baby (My mum was shuttling school and home) and she died when I was 11. She fell really ill that year and I was taking care of her, watching her use her walker, cleaning up after her, bathing for her, feeding her all before I carried my bags and went to school. Although some of those times I grumbled before I did it, but the time taught me things I couldn't learn in the four walls of a school. I learnt to be responsible and to love through the ''mess''. After she died, I don't think anyone understood why the small grandchild was crying at the loss of her grandmother, she is no more but the lessons remain! Sun re o! Marian Olayoonu Ayoka Olojede!

Burial Invitation

Deyosola:
I was always a tiny kid and going into my 2nd secondary school a "Spoilt Lagos Child" I got bullied, then I met Deyosola. She became my bestfriend with alot of drama and she also became the only one that had licence to 'bully' me, unlike me, she was alot bigger for our age and class and she stood up for me. Her bullying class involved her teaching me to wash myself, having a better  walking posture and standing up for myself; Safe to say, I got to mayflower a sharp mouthed "Can't touch this" girl.

 Tobiloba: Getting into the university without so much family support (I don't mean school fees). She would make time out, leave her school and come to check, console, Advice, support and bring her shoulder when i cried, It mean the world to me.

Bottom Right!

Joseph Ewumi: I had no clue about how the university system worked and no one sent me the memo. 100L I so did not do well. Chai! but.... one faithful day Joseph calls me and gives me a talk that changed me approach to my books - He didn't say anything magical or out of the ordinary - but it changed me. I read away my social life (The small I had) everyone always either saw me in the class or in the library. My 2+ GPA sky rocketed to a 4 in the next year. I learnt that I could do anything as long as I set my heart to it.

Madam Salt of The Salt Chronicles : I have not physically met her before but she came into my life at a time that I really needed guidance, She opened up to me and taught me and was there for me, although she might not know the extent to which the 'little' she did meant alot. In that period I was finding my feet in my walk with the Lord and she came as a perfect example I could look up to, I was also feeling lonely although with so much people around her facebook inbox was 'home' where I could go and pour out. It taught me to be that to someone else too and one huge lesson I also learnt from her is to take my eyes off me and reach out to the next person. I never forget!

I stole this beauriful pisure from her facebook x_x 

Kontagora Heroine: I don't know her name, She was the cleaner where I worked during NYSC. I see her everyday work her work with so much Joy just to send her kids to school. I saw her bring her kids to work during their holidays to help out. The seemingly little things we hold on to is a big deal to someone else and although the language barrier didn't let us communicate so well, with her I saw what real tears of Joy looked like. I also learnt that the universal languages are Love and a smile.


Today, I am taking time out to bless the Lord for their lives and the impact they made through their 'little things' Yes! Its in the little things.

Who are your unsung heroes? Think about it, pray for them, send a Thank you text, note, blog, email, phone call.. Whatever works, Just don't leave them unsung.


Have you come to an end of yourself? Have you come to a point where nothing else seems to be working out and you've tried all you could? Click to meet GRACE

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#TruthSeries: Lost in Lust

In the winter of 2009, I was travelling to visit a family friend of mine. I planned ahead and made sure I didn’t leave any stone unturned. I bought my ticket ahead of time and planned by bus route. My carry-on was lightly packed and literature for the journey was also set. I was pleased with how well I planned everything to suite me. I felt like a smart university student whose life is on course until I met her. 

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What Matters Most

I have been reading a book over the past 2weeks, Its a day-by-day guide to help discover your life's purpose, this book in many ways than I can explain has helped me deal with things I've been going through these past weeks, something about todays (Day 16) hits me close to home and I felt I should share what I learnt.

...................................................................................................................
Life is all about Love. God is Love. The most important lesson he wants you to learn on earth is how to love.

"The whole law has been summed up in this command: 'Love others as you love yourself'"

Love should be your top priority, primary objective and greatest ambition. Love is not a good part of your life; its the most important part. Its not enough to say "one of the things I want in life is to be loving" as if its in your top-ten list. Relationships must have priority in your life above everything else. Why? Life without Love is really worthless. Often we act as if relationships are something to be squeezed into our schedule. We talk about "finding" time for our children or "making" time for people in our live. That gives the impression that relationships are just a part of our lives along with many tasks. But God says relationships are what life is all about.

Four of the 10 Commandments deal with our relationship with God while the other Six deal with our relationships with people. But all ten are about relationships! Later, Jesus summarized what matters most to God in two statements: Love God and love people

Matthew 22: 37-40 " You must love the lord your God with all your heart....' This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important 'love your neighbor as yourself' All the other commandments and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments'

Relationships, not achievements or the acquisition of things, are what matters most in life, So who do we allow our relationships get the shorter end of the stick? When our schedule becomes overload, we start skimming relationally, cutting back on giving the time, energy, and attention that loving relationship require. What's most important to God is displaced by what's urgent.

Busyness is a great enemy of relationships. We become preoccupied with making a living, doing work, paying bills, and accomplishing goals as if these tasks are the point of life. They are not. The point of life is learning to love - God and People. Life minus love is Zero.

Why do we make love our priority? Because unlike anything else Love will last forever. Love is eternal.

"These three things continue forever: Faith, hope, and love. And the greatest of these is Love" 1Corinthians 13:13

Love leaves a legacy. How you treated other people, not your wealth or accomplishments, is the most enduring impact you can leave on earth.

"Its not what you do, but how much love you put into it that matters" - Mother Teresa

You never hear anyone on their deathbeds saying "Bring me my diplomas! I want to look at them one more time. Show me my awards, my medals, that gold watch I was given" When life on earth is ending, people don't surround themselves with objects. What we want around us is people - people we love and have relationships with. Wisdom is learning the truth sooner rather than later. Don't wait until you're on your deathbed to figure out nothing matters more.

In heaven God won't say "Tell me about your career, your bank account, and your hobbies" instead he will review how you treated others. When you transfer to eternity all you're taking with you is your character.

The best expression of love is time. The importance of things can be measures by how much time we are willing to invest in them. The more time you give to something, the more you reveal its importance and value to you.

You can make more money, but you can't make more time. When you give someone your time, your giving them a portion of your life that you'll never get back. That's why the greatest gift you can give someone is your time.
Its not enough to "say" relationships are more important; we must prove it by investing time in them

"My children, our love should not be just words and talk; it must be true love, which shows itself in action" IJohn 3: 18

NOTHING can take the place of you time, your ears, your eyes, your attention, your presence in a relationship. The essence of love is NOT what we thing or do or provide for others, but how much of ourselves we give.

The best use of life is love. The best expression of love is time. The best time to love is now.

Dear God, whether I get anything done today, I want to make sure that I spend time loving you and loving other people - because that's what life is all about. I don't want to waste this day.

P.S: Who says the Bible doesn't have all the Answers?

Thanks for stopping by.

Love.

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31 Day Reset: Day 5

Today's Challenge: Envision Your Values in Action

This challenge is helping you to incorporate your values into your daily life. Divided into two parts, the first part requires you to compare your values to how you’re currently living the life and score yourself on a scale of 1-10. Am i currently living my values? 

1. Relationship with God - 4
2. Family - 6
3. Relationship - 6
4. Friendship - 2
5. Helping - 2
6. Financial Stability - 7
7. Professional Achievement - 3
8. Healthy Living, Physical appearance, make-up - 5
9. Nature and photography - 0
10. Technology and books - 2

I really don't have to remind myself that this result is very poor. Honestly assessing yourself can be one of the hardest things, its like hearing you tell yourself what you don't want to hear from other people. *PHEW*

The second part of the exercise requires that you list at least three actions you are currently taking or should be taking in order to honor and fulfill your values in life

1. Relationship With God - Buy a new bible to remind me  of my re-dedication. Spend time reading the word and writing down what you learn. Fast and Pray alot more.

2. Family - Be more open with my family and encourage them. Talk to them about your issues honestly. Hang out alot more. Continue to prepare myself to be a wonderful wife and mother.

3. Relationship - Be available. Be supportive, understanding and complain less. talk more. Be hopeful and have faith.

4. Friendship: Be the kind of friend i would want to have. Care. Be available. Hang out more.

5. Helping: Stop being lazy about it. leave the drawing board and start acting. Be Available.

6. Financial Stability: Save (No unnecessary spending). Save (Buy what you need, not what you want) and Save

7. Professional Achievement: Get money, enroll for classes, Get certified.

8.  Healthy Living, Physical appearance, make-up: Stop being lazy about exercising. Stop the bad eating habit. work on getting a Nigerian diet plan.

9. Nature and Photography: Read up on it. Ask questions. practice.

10. Technology and books: Get more hard cover books. Stop being lazy. read. read and Read.

This was all levels of hard, i just put myself out there and it feels good, i don't think I've been this vulnerable with myself. 

So, What would it look like for you to be able to rate yourself a "10' on how you live out all your values?

The Truth is my world would be perfect and i will be extremely happy all day, everyday with the strength to take whatever challenge daily living throws at me because of the knowledge that things are fine in the background of my life, but then this is just an assumption and the truth is i'm not the perfect 10 so i guess i would just keep working on me and obey, obey Proverbs 3: 5-6

"Trust in the lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge him and he shall direct your path"

Why do i love this passage so much? because its an all round answer to every situation you find yourself. While you reading this, tell him and trust him. It's worked for me.

Thanks for sticking around

Love.

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31 Day Reset: Day 4

Challenge: Identify your Values

Write a free-for-all list of all the things that mean alot to you in your life, all the things you care about.

1. Relationship with God
2. Family, Love, Relationship with them
3. Romantic Relationship
4. Having people to call me a true friend and vice-versa
5. Having a family, Children, Love
6. Helping in the society (Orphans)
7. Professional Achievement
8. Financial Stability
9. Nature
10. Photography
11. Mental stability, Emotional Stability
12. Healthy Living, Physical Appearance
13. Fashion, Make-up, looking good and sophisticated
14. Technology, Books
15. Having a positive Attitude

The second phase of the exercise is to choose your RESET 10, which is a list of your top 10 values from the above list. 

RESET 10

1. Relationship with God
2. Family
3. Relationship
4. Friendship
5. Helping
6. Financial Stability
7. Professional Achievement
8. Healthy Living, Physical appearance, make-up
9. Nature and photography
10. Technology and books

Writing the list wan't the problem but narrowing them down to 10 was the issue. I must say tho', identifying your values and the things you care about just puts alot of things into perspective for you and you realise how much time you've been wasting on things that don't matter to you. So, even if you won't do the whole challenge take sometime out and identify your values. it helps.

Thanks for sticking around.

 

Love.

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