Dear Future Me

**Disclaimer: This post is really going to be long. i really hope you don't sleep off on us.**

I'm not sleeping - Yet, i'm thinking about the future. Really -____-

I got this letter from the past, I wrote it a year ago(September 8, 2012) i didn't get to read it till Monday morning(I don't sync my mail with my phone) and i had serious mixed feelings, wanted to cry and laugh at the same time. Cry because, its all i needed to hear at this time and laugh at my small humor and how much I've grown. I can only be forever grateful to the Lord of Hosts. Really, You will understand why when you read the letter and my reply. I decided to post this personal stuff here because, I really just want to brag on God.

Here goes nothing and everything.

Dear Future Me,

Hey girl.

Whatever you are doing right now, can you just stop?

Oya say "Thank You Lord", because if you are reading this, he has been faithful as ever.

Now i'm going to want you to do some evaluations and remind you of some truths :)

Btw? How are you? Hope you are good?
How is life after NYSC? Hehe fun shey? Sup with Unilag? I'm sure Gods going to do the best for you.

Have you met K? Did you get to use a camera? How did you feel? Hope learning hasn't been difficult? Or maybe you've not started sha abi? Have you?

How is the future treating everybody around you?

Is there a new guy? I sooooooooo doubt it, knowing you.

How did series of scars come along?

Hope you have been thinking about money for make-up classes? 

I trust you are staying happy, I trust you are trying to hang out with people right? Please don't tell me u backed out?

I know you are saying you would be going to the gym please get off your a** and go work out!

How has your Spiritual life been? Do you feel his presence now? Are you reading the bible? Going to church? Have you joined the choir like we said? Oya!! Go and join! :p

You need to drag your a** to the beach, I know how much you want to go, oya organize something with your sisters or D, he promised a shoot right? *dancing*

Please hang out more ooo!! Be happy, stay inspired.

Your nappy hair nko? Dreads? ​​​*Lol*

And T? Hope you have stopped thinking about him so much? Have you heard from him lately?                                                                                                      Hope you are healing fine? Does it still hurt?

*sigh*

So, girl!! I Love You!!

Don't forget to remind yourself that; Life ain't about you, love others. Grow in love. Every opportunity is an avenue to grow. Life is a trust. Life is a test. Let it go. minus negative people. Be hopeful. Be optimistic. Be realistic.

Be slow to speak, quick to listen and slow to get angry!

Forgive seventy times seven times.

Everyday strive to be a better person. Have a positive attitude to everything. LOVE till it hurts and don't stop!!

God is ALWAYS with you and please don't forget in the dark all he told you in the light.

Muaaahhh!! Muaaaahhh! No one can love you as much as I do, well maybe except God :D

Me, in the past. 

This is my Reply:

Dear Me(In the past),

Just when i think you've run out of tricks to surprise me, i get this email. Wow! Just Wow!! You just never seize to amaze me at the way your head spins right? do you?

What goes through your head when you decide to write things like these that still makes sense a year later?

I Love you, really. I underestimated you, I am sorry.

I can remember watching you write this in that office at kontagora, clueless, broken, in pain - yet - you even sound so excited about the future. I am grateful to God for that time.

Now, You asked so much questions i don't even know where to start. Lets start with the most important.

How is my spiritual life? I know, then, my spirituality was a part of my life. Now, i am my spirituality. God isn't just a part of my life anymore but he is ALL of my life. Somewhere in between this one year, a process of total surrender has/is taken/taking place and that has put God in his place in my life. Its not just saying anymore, its doing. Best decision ever. #ProudJesusGirl

Aha! The Choir. I joined - finally - I know x_x. I also had to leave, because I kinda changed my church. God is in the process of putting me where he wants me to serve in this new church, there is no rush.

Life after NYSC. Fun? You have no idea. All the "responsible" you felt in Niger, this is nothing compared to it. Lagos "responsible" be like say he get another meaning *Phew* and its so expensive, to think that God is getting rid of the Ijebu in me *tears* I can't be cheap again. 

Yes, Life is fun at the same time gets challenging but i always wake up knowing I have a big God and everything is Himpossible. See that? Himpossible. My new vocabulary. I Love it.

Yeah. Yeah. You didn't have to rub it in, So what? I don't have a new man - but I have Jesus - Yes, if getting to know Jesus more is the price i have to pay and not be in a relationship right now? Its worth it biko. Heey! don't get me wrong oh, i'm still awesome as ever and the applications are piling but when you are not ready, you are just not ready.

One big head boy *Side eyes Sope* said to me "You know in the long run Jesus will not cuddle you and kiss you"  *RME*

Leave me jor, i know oh. Don't rush the potter na, let him finish the molding in his time abi? :p

You asked if i've held a camera? hmm.. even better, I sleep in one - See why I said I underestimated you? How all of this happened within the year, only God has the explanation, only him gets the glory. After NYSC, I cleaned out my savings and paid for photography training and a couple of months ago, i got a D7000. I limited you and the God in you, I know better now. Yes, taking pictures feels soooooo good, I can't explain my love for it. Its amazing, to say the least.

Days i was using my friends camera. :)

I did go to the beach, after all this time. Thanks to Wale for making it happen and I had maximum fun.

You asked about T? Let me be honest with you as you have been with me. God sent me to show some love to his daughter recently and everyone thought I was "such a good friend" but when God says go? you go. good friend or not. Half way on the trip, it hit me that there was a possibility of seeing T, but God reminded me "This is not about you, but Love for my daughter" and that brought a peace and calm to my spirit, soul and amazingly my body and when i heard her say "People really Love me" that was the confirmation of Gods word for me. I was ecstatic. Okay, back to T.  
I did see him and I cannot tell you what that did to me, reminding myself of why I was there was the peace I felt inside and after I told A, she said I was really calm about it. Praise the Lord.

I can't say i've stopped thinking about him, and i cannot say i have not healed - over healing is worrying me sef - I got the balm of Gilead *pops collar* Also, Remember Jesus knew exactly where the colt was(location wise) i also KNOW that God knows where i am at and he is the almighty and my father, so i rest in my knowledge of his knowledge(makes sense?) I should stop talking here.

Did you say gym? I ended up loving gym time, I got my trimmed tummy and much more sef, and everybody is beginning to think I have some kinda disease that is sapping all the fat, imagine? I went and got the body that i wanted biko.

Someone asked my sister recently "How is your sister, the fat one" iLaff, when I was chubbier - they talked. I lost weight now, plenty talk. I am enjoying the fact that my tummy is trimmed and I don't worry about how it looks in dresses anymore. I don't go to the gym again now, but I try to stay healthy - when I eat x_x 

My neck is not this long again tho' x_x

I really cannot but say "Thank you" to God for taking us through that difficult part of our life, looking back i couldn't have done it without him. People laugh when i say God is the strength of my life, they don't understand why i will forever take him seriously. I live for this reference point. We really couldn't have done it without God. I will brag on him till i draw my last breath.

Thank you for the courage to pick up where you left off. Thank you for the strength to face the day even when you cried your eyes out the previous night. Thank you for the positivity of the word you let pierce through your very essence and negativity. Thank you, for without you there will be no me.

I am not where i want to be, I am glad i was where i was, pressing forward to where God wants me to be. He promised to lead me by the hand and take me there. I am patiently waiting.

Yours in the process,

Present You.

This is why i won't stop writing at-least in my journal to always have a reference point, Sope reminded me of this verse when i forwarded the mail to him. 

Habakkuk 2:2-3

2 Then the Lord answered me and said:

“Write the vision
And make it plain on tablets,
That he may run who reads it.
3 For the vision is yet for an appointed time;
But at the end it will speak, and it will not lie.
Though it tarries, wait for it;
Because it will surely come,
It will not tarry.

This is one of the times i just want to scream. Like my mind is blown away. At the appointed time, the vision will speak and i will bring my tables(journal entries) with dates for you to see. 

Have you come to an end of yourself? Have you come to a point where nothing else seems to be working out and you've tried all you could? Click to meet GRACE

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Series Of Scars: Beat Down

I was about ten years of age and yeah, I was feeling like a big boy, I mean, wasn’t I? I was somewhat of a terrorist at that time. My peers where my subjects and I was their leader, sometimes I even led a few of my elders. Stubborn, fast-mouth, blunt, fearless, they all described me. I was a hunter, fisherman, footballer, love-messenger, to name but a few. I was just an amazing kid, yeah yeah, think whatever you wanna.

Anyway, I got back from school that fateful, which I always hated, and as usual couldn’t wait to hit the hood where my subjects where waiting as usual for out normal rounds of ‘play’. Hooked up with a few of them and after a good round of play, I had to run errands for my mother. She was a seamstress then and she had a particular man she buys her sewing materials from and that was where she needed me to go to. The man that sells the materials had a daughter who was like five to seven years my elder and she was the one I met that day. I can’t remember what happened but I remember we had an argument and because I don’t back down, I bad-mouthed her till she got so upset and got physical. I mentioned I was a big boy right? Well, I didn’t consider the age difference to be an issue until she proved it really was. She pushed me really hard and I hit my head on a wooden piller. Lets just say while I was trying to dismantle her and re-arrange her face, I passed out. Yeah, you heard right, I fainted! When I came to, I was already at the nearest chemist and had stitches on my heard. That was how I lost that fight, damnit!!! If I cut my hair very love, you won’t miss the scar.
Now, to the lesson right? Well, I learnt age really matters in a fight mostly when it’s over five years. Let me point out here that I became quite humble around her.LOL

This was written by 9jasgreat

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Series of scars: Scars of life

If my sisters read this, predictable as they are,they'ld jokenly caption it 'scars of life/destiny. They wont be far from the truth

I've had my own fair share of scars, some from pieces of broken promises (and believe me those (pieces) cut deeper than any surgical blade could). They helped me find a balance between high expectations and low standards, so these days I neither get my hopes up or let my guards down.
In the end we all resort to time, that great healer, to get rid of our scars but I look at the old and wrinkled and realise what a lousy beautician time also is.
Balancing the equation are other more physical scars, hieroglyphics I call them. Quite few in number but each enigma telling a story of its own.

Looking at my certificate and thinking 'I could have done better', then realising how many times i sat blindly through a university lecture or test, not seeing the board clearly, either using the proactive right side of my brain trying to paint a vivid picture of what was being written afar- off or just scribbling word for word from the closest notepad to me.

Also thinking of the enemies i made along the line,who at some point when i was 'seemingly' looking, waved from afar and thought it pride when the gesture wasn't returned.
I wish my opticians were more optimistic, I wish the astgmatism helped change my point of view, I wish these prescribed lenses could help me look on the brighter side and completely heal this scar they labelled 'myopia'

 At times I wonder if the myopia is the real injury and the convex lenses are just the scars, a sign of the slow healing process. I hope, thats all i can do even though my protection from the sun's ultra violet rays is the only noticable difference the lenses bring to the table.

Fools tell me I narrowly escaped albinism, I laugh it off but its probably true, but if I have learnt anything from these scars, its building my confidence to an all time high and not letting these ignorant comments breach that fortress.

Hidden or conspicous, be it a scar from an appendicitis surgery or one from the bottle of acid of a jealous lover, there is a lesson to be learnt the hard way,through the pain barrier.

Tomi akibo says scars are a true testiment to the healing process, I say ''Scars make a man, they are life's tatoos''

Nova

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Series of Scars: A Pro-blogScars

Blogging - Pouring your heart out to readers on an Online Journal about particular subjects that are of interest to you.
Adsense - A Google Advertising program that pays Web publishers for adverts shown on their articles.

Back then when USB Internet Modem was a myth and Laptops were owned only by rich kids - we internet junkies still managed to maintain an online presence by discovering, sharing, using illegal methods and software to bypass mobile network firewalls just to browse for free.

It wasn't until Seun - The owner of Nairaland.com banned all posts about illegal network hacks that most of us saw the internet can be used for so much more than just Yahoo chat.

In 2010, 15,000 Naira was BIG money(it still is) - That was the Goal i set to achieve from google adsense with the launch of a Nairaland Copy (Yes I copied Nairaland), but i soon found my rhythm and style in the Online Publishing Business, this tripled my initial goal and within 1 year, this small boy was receiving Monthly cheques in foreign currency and could afford his best gadgets, an iPhone, Laptop with 24/7 LEGAL internet and an Office!.
Ngbuzz.com was doing good!

The Scar!!!
I'm not writing about your normal Every day scar here.. (with Amala scar as an exception)
This is some Microsoft, Buys Off Facebook, and Google Type scar.. I feel like a version of Mack ZugaBug (Too lazy to google his name) who just lost Facebook..
If this doesn't qualify as a scar in your book, it's probably because i'm not genetically engineered to be as emotional as y'all. Neither do i engage in any form of social or physical activity referred to as "FUN"

Lets cut to the chase, shall we?
Ngbuzz.com is No more!
Why? - because I didn't read the Google adsense terms and condition (properly) - That long text we all scroll past and click AGREE? - who knew it would come back to bite me 2 years later.
Google adsense banned Ngbuzz for containing Adult content (words and images i usually sensored) but when a website ranks highest for the search terms like "Bigbrother Africa shower hour" "Cossy B00bs" it's bound to go down - Blurred images or not.

I Learnt this lesson the hard way and it cost me my monthly cheques which would have been over $500 - The scar is Ngbuzz.com - It stays there reminding me daily of the mistake i made.

Licking my wounds (I hate that expression) i moved on to NgbuzzBlog.com a better Pro-blogger.

--
Soki Briggs
Mozilla Rep - Nigeria
Pro-Blogger - Ngbuzz Blog
Twitter - @Briggz5d

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Scars - Imperfect me

Experience is not what happens to you. It is what you do with what happens to you - Aldous Huxley

Don't waste your pain, use it to help others - Rick Warren

Growing up riding a bicycle one can only imagine how much "injury" scars I have, but since I was blessed with a very short memory, I can't remember the story behind all the scars, but some stories you can't just forget why? Because you learnt from them the hard way.

Let's back up a bit what are scars? 

Scars are areas of fibrous tissue (fibrosis) that replace normal skin after injury. A scar results from the biological process of wound repair in the skin and other tissues of the body. Thus, scarring is a natural part of the healing process. With the exception of very minor lesions, every wound (e.g. after accident, disease, or surgery) results in some degree of scarring.

I would like us to look at wound here as either physical or emotional.

I have 2 physical Scars that I would never forget; One is the Amala Scar, don't laugh yet, here is the behind the scene story...

*flashes back to 3 years ago*

She had stopped taking anything made out of Cassava which automatically means no more Eba, this is not good news for the house Angela (house girl) me, because that's good bye to the quick and easy lunch and welcome Amala.

This faithful afternoon, my mum got back from school and asked me to go make amala for her to eat, as usual I grumbled and dragged my feet to the kitchen and started the process, for those that make amala (Normal one oh) you know its not complete till you put the pot on the floor and turn it right? Still burnt that It was only me they send all the errands, I started turning and what next? I felt the cold then hot sensation on the heel of my right leg, a lump of amala flew out the pot and balanced on my leg, how that happened I don't know, I just know I screamed and what did my mummy say? "When you won't happily do what I ask you to do, go and put cold Ogi" at that moment I got angrier that I got hurt working for her and that's all she could say but later I realised she said the truth.

Amala Scar

Today even if I'm tired and I don't feel like doing certain things I force myself to smile through it.

After she had screamed about it countless times. It only took a lump of hot amala, 1-2weeks of limping and I learnt not to grumble.

Did I mention that I finished making that amala? And my mum ate?

*sigh*

One leg sticking out the gutter, the other in the gutter, me in pain and "sorry, Tomi" in the background gave birth to this scar. It was a narrow gutter which was why both legs couldn’t fit (I was not that tiny), I went to fetch water from our modern day stream when I fell. This scar has always reminded me of that phase of my life I spent in Ife, which by the way wasn't the best, but I learnt

- I learnt that there would always be consequences for your actions

- Learnt about friendship. The good, the bad, the backstabbing and the ugly

- Learnt about dirty old men that try to take advantage of naïve young girls

- Learnt to speak Yourba better

- Learnt to do my laundry

- Learnt to stand up for myself

- This was where I picked up my sharp mouth

- Learnt to be by myself for the first time without my parents

One way or another every scar helps us to be stronger weather Physical Scars or otherwise, we just have to think about the experience and how it has helped us shape who we are today.

When I thought about writing this, the idea came to work with people on this one too, where anybody can send me his/her story about Scars that have helped strengthen You in whatever form, Someone recently told me he has a story but he just doesn't know how to write, so I'm saying here now that this isn't a competition, it’s just to help people learn and I also want to learn from other people's experiences.

I titled it SERIES OF SCARS. This is my public invitation be my guest experience teller, Share your story and if you feel you can't write it, just tell me about it and I will work on it for you, plus if you want to be anonymous that's also very welcome.

If you are interested and you want to share your story, please send a mail to me tomi_akibo@yahoo.com

Please share this post and let's get more experiences.

Thanks a lot.

Love.

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