256: Abaddon II

Hello There,

Welcome to my short story series - 256, This is part 2 of one I started a week ago click here to read and to check out the rest of the series here

She  lands on the stack of the travel boxes a few steps away from where he stood "I warned you, go to work and leave me in peace"

She stood up and walked up to him again "Leave you in peace? and me? what happens to my own peace of mind"

This time his palm gave a quick response to her question that left her holding her cheek shocked beyond words.
"That's exactly what happens to it" he said and walked out of the room.

Later in the day... 

"is that not too extreme?" She said into her mobile phone

She paused

"I'm not making excuses for him..."

Sigh

"Tola, i've heard you but in all this that you've said you still don't expect me to wake up and leave.."

"do you have have somewhere else you want me to go?"
"I will come and see you during the weekend okay?"
"Thank you dear"
"Bye"

After the call, she sat lost in her thoughts unable to do any work for the day.

***

Bamiro suddenly opened his eyes from his afternoon nap, and looked around frantically, he stood up and hurriedly closed the curtains around the house thinking to send a signal that his visitor wasn't welcome.

It was too late, he was already in and he knew exactly who he was,

"Let me be" he said aloud

The visitor gave out a very mean laugh

"I told you, you will hit her someday"

"What do you want this time?"

"I just came to tell you 'I told you so'"

"What sort of creature are you?"

"Ha ha ha Exactly the one you made me to be"

"Go away you freak!!!"

"Before I do, Shey you slapped her today? You will be worse"

Arrgghhhh Bamiro let out a scream

"I hate you"
"I hate you"

"I hate you" 

He repeated till he couldn't hear himself. 

***

Tiwa could smell the alcohol from the door. Walking into the living room she sees her husband lying shirtless on the couch. She dropped her bags, went back into the living room, tears rolled down her cheeks as she stood and watched his drunk self sleep.

Trying to pick him up with her frail self to no avail, she eventually gave up and went to sleep.

***

She sat up on the bed as she heard the constant knocking against the ceramic, grunts of pain filled the atmosphere. She stood at the door of  the bathroom to see a shadow of who her husband once was. Scenarios upon scenarios just kept coming back.

Their wedding.

Their vows.

His sweet nature.

The slap.

This monster.

Something welled up inside of her, Fear.

At this time, the top ceramic lid of the toilet seat was broken on the floor. The fear enveloped her, so much that she was grounded on the spot. She found her voice, eventually.

"Bami, please stop!" she said trying not to sound pitiful

Hearing her voice, he stopped. Looked back at her with so much intensity then started moving closer to her

"You've decided to show your face, finally!" he said

With fear in her eyes, she started stepping back into the room

"What are you talking about? You're scaring me" Now she had stepped back to the foot of the bed trembling

"You see, I blame you for everything! EVERYTHING!!" He shouted in her face

"Calm down, lets go to bed and talk about this in the morning shall we?" She touched his arm trying to sooth him.

Every word she said angered him, the touch was the height. He threw his hands forward as hard as he could whipping it across her face. The only thing he felt was the sting against his palm. On the other hand, her patience had run thin and without thinking much of it, she pushed him as hard as she could and he landed on the floor of the bathroom.

Amidst sobs, she ran to her dresser, picked her phone and headed for the door of the room, Before she could make it to the front door, he grabbed her and threw her to the ground. She noticed the piece of ceramic in his hand.

"I told you, you will hurt her" The voice floated like a whisper in the room and rage flooded through his body, without a chance to think through his action, he pounced on her. Her pleading screams filled the room, She kicked and kept screaming. He didn't stop till she stopped.

* * *

"Mr Bamiro Oladele, you are under arrest for the murder of your wife Tiwalola Oladele. You have the right to remain silent or anything you say or do will be used against you in the court of law" The uniformed officer said to him in the hospital hallway.

***

Sweat broke out on his forehead just like the previous 119 days, the script was laid out before him, just like it had happened, nothing missing. 

Bamiro shut his eyes, his chained hands over his ears and let out a scream. 

"256! You don start agian?" The warder said as he walked up to his cell and hit the bars as an indication for him to keep it low, knowing he was doing it to no avail, he continued his inspection.

"I didn't do it, You did " Bamiro kept screaming, he didn't care how loud he sounded or who cared to listen, but this 'person' had to hear so he won't keep coming back to him.

***

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I don't have an appropriate title (2013 Review)

Hello Everyone,

I know this is probably stale but I had to tell of Gods goodness towards me in the course of 2013, by the end of the post you will probably know why I couldn't put it up before now. Here is how my year went and what I hope to do in the new year.

*                                                                          *                                                                    *

Lying on the bathroom floor tugging at my chest like a lion tearing apart its prey. As if to physically remove the pain I felt.
"Why?" I asked
In my mind, I was asking God, but I had also come to a place where I felt he wasn't listening anymore. The emptiness was eating me up. The clutching pain won't let me go. My lips won't part to say word to anyone about my inside.
This was always at night, most nights. I will smile in the morning after touching up my face with some powder or Just simply say
"Its the sleep that made it swollen" to anyone that noticed my eyes.

It was Dec 2012 and I just had a very rough end of the year, enough was enough, I didn't want to go into 2013 with the "depression"
For the first time in my whole life, I decided to sit at home - against my mother's wish ofcourse - for the crossover into 2013, This was going to be the last day of crying with so much pain on the inside.

Pain from being clueless.
Pain from a hurting heart.
Pain from a restless soul.
Pain from a restless heart.
Pain from an empty heart.
Pain from being Jobless.
Pain from shattered hopes and dreams.
Just Pain.

I sat and "talked" with God, cried my system out, tried to pull the hurt - once again. Then I slept into the new year.

You can guess, the year didn't start on a very high note for me, I had gotten rejected for my masters application and I wasn't even motivated to brush up my CV not to talk of applying for Jobs.
The constant nagging of my parents about me not going for Interviews

"Or you are not applying?"
"Or you don't want to work?"
"Which one do you want to do?"
I will just mumble a reply and let it rest.

I started going to my mother's Shop and I just got introduced to Andrew Wommack(Thanks Mandy). Everyday, I would drive to 'work' (Mother left her car for me on most days) and soak in the sermons, every Wednesday, I would go for morning prayer meeting which was attended mostly by the older women in the church, my tiny self, with just one or two men (Really? Are women more prayerful?)

I did all of these diligently, week in, week out.
I had a dream on the 17th of Jan, one that shook me to my very core and at the same time made me happy.
*Cuts out insignificant part*
I was on my way home and I saw 2 demon-like creatures that stood in my way, I called the name of Jesus to rebuke them and guess what? They laughed in my face "You this small girl calling a name you know nothing about" I got scared and ran back.

I didn't see a light or a bright white person but I just knew God came on the scene, this is how I put it in my journal

"God showed up among them and his voice was so calm, soothing and with so much authority like he was giving a command in the nicest voice. Not shouting and all.

Like saying "She called and I answered" maybe not in those exact words and the demons scattered into pieces of flesh"

I later wrote "Don't shout, Help is on the way"

I got a Job in March and between the time I had the dream and when I got the Job, I went for 3 interviews in those 3 weeks. My mum missed me in her shop and I miss going for Prayer meeting. 

"And it shall come to pass, that whosoever shall call on the name of the LORD shall be delivered: for in mount Zion and in Jerusalem shall be deliverance, as the LORD hath said, and in the remnant whom the LORD shall call" ~ Joel 2:32

Before now, I was the only one in my house that didn't have a passport not to talk of travelling by air. In the first 3 months of working all of that changed.

In my plan, I had "Move out" as a 2014 goal, but I got an apartment by the end of August 2013. I Live in a semi-empty, small place, nothing fancy by the worlds standard, but I Love it regardless. 

I "planned" to start saving for my Camera in 2013 and get it by the end of the year, I got one by the middle of the year. I have no idea how all of these happened, It was just evident that God tore my "plans for 2013" sheet off and handed me a new one.

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
    neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.
9 “As the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so are my ways higher than your ways
    and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9

I think I attended like 4-5 different churches this year and finally settled in one, attended 4 gospel musical concerts (yay) Loved every bit of it. I Loved God and will continue to Love God.

This my small blog got to 50,000 hits this last year and the number of people that God blessed through my crappy writings was just really humbling, I started Daily Exhortations and there were some days I didn't have Bible Verses to share from not studying the Word the previous night or week and I wanted to just quit, but people just tell me in those times (talk about perfect timing) How the daily exhortations has blessed them in ways I can't understand. So, I kept on, I keep on - Daily, bringing Gods word to you one verse at a time! 

God is faithful, I tell you.

I cried so much in the year, cut my hair in one of the low points too, I had days of not knowing where the transport fare for the next day is coming from, not having what to eat and God showed up at the nick of time.

Recently My mum were joking about something (Can't remember exactly)  But I remember telling her that she won't know when I don't have money and she kinda 'yimu-ed' at me, then I went on to ask her If she knew about the days I walked to and from work, she looked back at me in disbelieve till my sister confirmed it. 

In those days, God still showed up.

"What is man, that thou art mindful of him? and the son of man, that thou visitest him?" Psalm 8:4

The end of the year had us celebrating December in the Hospital, not sleeping at night, waking up to go to work from the hospital, taking turns to go sleep at home. I watched people watch their loved ones die on Christmas day, boxing day, New years day. Sigh. 

Makes you just sit back and be Thankful (I will write about this when the smoke finally clears) 

I learnt not to limit God, I learnt to praise in the storm and put on my faith-life-Jacket because the storm raged, but I am here - standing. Lets not even talk about the days I fell, face flat, took me some time to dust myself off and stand again but the word says 

"For a just man falleth seven times, and riseth up again..." Proverbs 24:16

I am NOT looking forward to the new year - yet because I know Gods going to do a new thing and I feel like I didn't enjoy this phase enough but one thing I will do (regardless of how I feel) is.... "forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before,

I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:13-14

I don't know what this year holds and although I've written my hopes and Visions for the year and given to HIM to do with it as he pleases, Its already the end of the first week and I already feel direction-less (Typical x_x) But, I really don't care all I want to do is seek God this year and let him take over my life, I know he has the compass, won't it be foolish of me if I don't carry my cross and follow him? 

Hope Its not too  late to say Happy New year? :) 

Happy New year Lovely people!! Lets make 2014 worthwhile shall we? 

Cheers

*Raises glass*

Have you come to an end of yourself? Have you come to a point where nothing else seems to be working out and you've tried all you could? Click to meet GRACE

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All for Love

I am not eloquent

I am not articulate

I do not understand alot of the principles of English language

...or writing in its entirety

I'm just a girl that just loves to write

I write as it comes - sense and non-sense

Today is one of those days.

My feeling of inadequacy won't stop me or hold me back anymore.

I wrote about how suffering bought simplicity a while ago, 

It was one of my "arranged" attempts to  write about my feelings towards the lover of my soul did for me

for you.

Why did the words feel so inadequate?

what words could i possibly say to best describe this ultimate act of Love?

But today, i will drop my "feeling" of inadequacy and not try to be articulate, poetic or literally sound "right"

Today, i will just do what he expects of me.

speak the truth, from the deepest part of my heart.

Here it goes.

I grew up in the church, Lost.

religiously attending sunday services, Not transformed.

Listening to truth, still speaking trash from my heart.

Listening but not really listening.

I don't  to ask how many of use are/were like that?

I see hands about to go up, but this is his story not ours.

I thought I had found him, so I wasn't looking,

but i also felt empty, so i searched.

thinking what I had was "him" I looked for the more elsewhere

Little did i know that he was more, he is everything I needed.

When you are blind to the truth, you are really blind.

But in my little apartment in a land far away from home - he made me home.

Broken, broken-hearted, hopeless, searching, craving. He found me,

right there in that room, my journey started with him - In him - In me - with me.

In flesh he walked on the earth, so we can live.

bowed, bruised.

humbled, humiliated.

saviour, suffered.

son of man, mocked.

prince of peace, pierced.

Drip! Drip! Drip! goes the blood.

The blood that cleanses my sins - your sins - away and makes you worthy to dwell in his presence.

I am not perfect, I am still a work in progress.

Oh how glorious is what he did for me - for you.

All for Love.

That Love, Unconditional Love, inseparable Love.

Me, You, Redeemed by that blood, all for love.

Let the knowledge of that love pierce through you and draw you, me into his embrace.

If i were not here, if it was just you

He will do it over again, and again and again.

..All for Love!!!!!!!

Have you come to an end of yourself? Have you come to a point where nothing else seems to be working out and you've tried all you could? Click to meet GRACE

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JESUS!

Good Morning Jesus,

I don't know if i can ask "How are you?" does anyone ask that these days? How is your father? Our father? Isn't it amazing how this tiny me gets to share the same HOLY father with you, just because of you. I really didn't plan to get to the gratitude part just yet.

I'm sure you must be wondering why i'm writing to you as i never really talk to you, but ofcourse you know why already. But i will go into it anyways.
The reason i decided to write to you is because, over the past few weeks i discovered that i really don't know you. I've heard of you. I believe in you. I believe in your purpose of coming to the earth. I believe that you have the power to save, redeem, heal, to resurrect, all of that. There is a possibility that admist all what i think i know and believe that i truly don't know who you are? Right?

I Thought so too.

God and i have been back and forth, not really. I have been going back and forth with God in this chase, and i have been so caught up in that and everytime i hear someone say your name, i just feel.... "I don't really know him indepth"

Does this even make sense?
Now, I'm not done with this chase. Its a beautiful experience, i just feel like i have a relationship with the father and not you - yet you made that relationship possible - and i seemed to have relegated you to the background somehow, in my own how.

Thinking of the mind blowing three-in-one and One-in-three relationship/fellowship you have with the father and the holyspirt and still being able to maintain the uniqueness of personalities, i wonder where that has me. This is where my confusion lies.

How can i have you inside of me and not know you? How can that fellowship be complete when its broken by my lack of knowledge? How can the relationship sail smoothly when the captain is not acknowledged for his skills? How can i have a not-so-personal-personal-saviour? 

Does any of this even make sense? 

I don't even know what it means to know God and not know you. I don't know how i know that i don't know you - that's not important - all i know is now? I want to know.

I know you are waiting to teach me all about you and i am asking that you help me unlearn and learn about you, i just don't want to be the girl that says she knows about you and i can't stand boldly when its time to really talk and show other people who you are. I can't be that girl.

"I know my iniquities are many...but do this for your name sake" Jer 14:7, Have mercy on me and teach me all about you. 

Thank you so much for being there and being faithful to your name. Thank you for always listening. Thank you for being you and doing all you did on the cross, this is the only reason why we have the boldness to go to the father. 

I am also grateful for the new relationship we have now. I am glad and can't wait to walk in the manifestation of this new revelation of who you are and the power behind your name.

Your daughter and Friend,

'Tomilola.

Is this just me? Or is there also someone out there that feels like they don't really really know Jesus as much as they say?

or Can you even have a relationship with God and not have one with Jesus?

Please, Lets talk. 
Have you come to an end of yourself? Have you come to a point where nothing else seems to be working out and you've tried all you could? Click to meet GRACE

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Why you should Masturbate.

Hi Everyone. Happy New Year.

*Awkward Silence*

Yes, you read right, okay. Honestly there is a huge invisible NOT between should and Masturbate, you can all contribute your sighs of relief here \______/
I just needed to arouse your curiosity, How did I fair?

Don't go Just yet na. Hang around alil more.

On a more serious note, we always look for justification for our addictions so, atleast that would give us some form of 5-mins fix that we are not so bad afterall "misery needs company" right? And after that? We are back to square one

Don't stop reading, I'm heading somewhere :)

We are all addicts of some sort, whatever/whoever it is we are addicted to good stuff or bad stuff, in this case we younger ones find ourselves in this mostly, It simply starts with and experiment next thing you know you are neck deep, the sad part is, its a closet addiction and very few people would have the courage to confess to a friend about it.

After every "closet-session" there is always the feeling of emptiness, Guilt, helplessness, hopelessness and for the extreme cases Nothing.

Good News? Your case is NOT helpless you asked why? Glad you did.

" But God has shown us how much he loves us—it was while we were still sinners that Christ died for us!" Romans 5:8


"....... His Love endures forever" Psalms 136

".........the lord is full of compassion and mercy" James 5:10



I have Just 2 reasons why I think you should Not masturbate again, and I'm sorry but I would go hard.

"There is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed or hidden that will not be made known" Luke 2:2

"I tell you, my friends, do not be afraid of those who kill the body and after that can do nothing.
But I will show you whom you should fear: fear him who, after killing of the body, has the power to throw you into hell, Yes, I tell you, fear him" Luke 2:4

So How should be done to battle the addiction?

"They are not of the world, even as I am not of it. Sanctify them by the truth; Your word is truth
For them I sanctify myself, that they too may be truly sanctified" John 17:16-17 & 19

Read the Bible. 

"What the Law could not do, because human nature was weak, God did. He condemned sin in human nature by sending his own Son, who came with a nature like our sinful nature, to do away with sin
God did this so that the righteous demands of the Law might be fully satisfied in us who live according to the Spirit, and not according to human nature

You however, are controlled not by the sinful nature but by the spirit, if the spirit of God lives in you, and if anyone does not have the spirit of christ, he doesn't belong to christ." Romans 8: 3-4 &9
Let the Spirit help.

You don't think you can?

"In all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us. Romans 8:37

You can beat this addiction through Christ, I believe in you.

If you are still reading this to this point there is a reason, use the comment box and let me know if you are struggling with this or any other addiction and think this can help or you know someone, ofcourse you can comment anonymously.

Thanks for sticking around!

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Tramped

Staring at the full length mirror watching the tears drop from the top of the fleshy arch, I feel it trickle to the bottom.
I hate you.
I now have C-cups, what happened to me beautiful B-cups?
My eyes are swollen, not from crying, all thanks to you. I can't even see those pretty legs of mine.
And my curves? I don't even want to talk about it.
You have taken my youth away. Well I gave you the power, I can only blame myself.
Right here I feel it, or do you make me pee on myself too? Or you just ready to show your face?
I don't want to know the answer to that, Let me call my sister.

I can't tell you the story of how you go here. Too sad.
Too late. You're here already.
The story of the fireworks and magic you hear happens from the first look. I didn't see it.
I look at you and all I see is one that took my youth from me.
All I see is one that made me the talk of the school.
All I see is one that got me pity stares as I walked along the street.
All I see is not you.
You are beautiful but I do not notice.
I'm busy hating you.
Tomorrow, I go to the gym.
Sure! I'ld love to take you along but I'ld drop you by the way.
* * *

Its 4:45am, the gym is by the corner, let's go on a trip first, somewhere far.
But wait! Have I said "I hate you" today?
I'm excited about this journey, let's call it a journey to my youth - Again.
You only follow me half way, I go the rest alone.
Please don't give me that look, its not going to work.
Did Jesus tell you the story of moses?
Okay! This would be similar, only I don't have a basket and there are no lakes around just gutters.

Its 5:30am.
This is half way.
Time to turn back to my youth.
You've done enough damage.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I hear about Silver spoons and some children born with them in their mouth, does the baby come out of the woman with the spoon?
Oh! Its just an expression, I get it now.
Now that I know, if I relate it to myself I would have to ask the question " What does a spoon look like?"
You know what's even sad? Our kid is asking the same question. Not for long.
Before you start to judge me, listen to my story

* * *

Waking up from the heat staring at the clock it 2am and there is no light as usual, moving my brother's leg off mine, I stood up, tip toed over the rest and went outside for fresh air. Staring at the stars, its the only hope I have, I know there has to be an opposite of this suffering.

Gave a heavy sigh just thinking of going back into that house, Its a room apartment, I'm the first child, I'm ashamed to say how many other siblings I have, good I can still count them on my 10 fingers. What was mummy thinking having us all? Gave another sigh thinking about her, she should not have left us, she was the bread winner. There was hope. May her soul rest in peace. I stare at the stars again, I need hope.

Daddy keeps reminding me that I am now the mummy of the house and I have to start doing mummy duties.
I didn't understand the rest of the mummy duties till I felt the tap at 2am.
2am everyday for a week I did mummy duties that I couldn't wash off with a bath in the morning. He disgusted me. I disgusted me. Now, I stood up every 2am.
2am outside the house was my escape from my disgusting reality.
I started sleeping during the day and staying up all night

"You this girl you are getting fatter o" My friend said when she came to see me one evening, I told her how I've been sleeping a lot more and she laughed and teased me some more about it.

* * *

"We have to run some tests to know exactly what's wrong with you" the doctor said and I couldn't imagine bola giving me money again, she only agreed to give me this one because she saw how badly I looked covered up.
I gave a deep sigh

"I honestly don't have money for any test"
Holding the results in my hands, I knew what this meant, the doctor did not have an idea and was wondering why the tears came down, how can I explain to him that I am carrying my fathers child?
The doctor says its a rear case considering the fact that I didn't know for the first 6months, I just sat there through the rest of his talk about ant-*natal, I thank him for the tests and left.

Its 2am and the cry wakes me up, I can't do this anymore. I put my hands over his mouth to shut him up, then he stopped crying after a while and he stopped moving.
He is getting cold.
I carry him and I feel nothing, I know I don't have the money to take care of him but I didn't mean to make him cold.
Maybe I just didn't know I meant it.
I try not to panic. I stood up, wrapped him up, picked a few of my things and left.

Standing outside with my mistake in hand, I find the nearest dumpstar, dropped him and with tears rolling uncontrollably, I walked away from my mistake - Forever!

**************************************

I have been seeing a lot of pictures of dead abandoned babies recently and it honestly got to me, I kept crying to God for mercy, then I asked myself why? In the process I decided to put myself in different stories and it wasn't a pretty ride. This is just my attempt to get it from their perspective.

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31DayReset: Day 20

Challenge: Remove negative People from your life.

The kind of person I am, I have a default distant-from-negative-people thing going on, most times I would have gone far from the person before I realise sef, which is a good thing I think. All of a sudden it occurred to me that if I keep distancing myself how would I have the opportunity to influence the person positively?
Hmmmmm...... Huge right?
Looking at it from that angle, no one is perfect right? And most times we have alot of negative thoughts ourselves, so instead of just "distancing" myself I would rather filter their energy, try not to get influenced by the negative energy some people expel.
Yeah, too much of everything is not good, and there are some people that are just ALWAYS negative (I know some), those kind of people, instead of totally writing them off, I would pick my conversations with them, definitely nothing personal and once I get the negative vibe from a general conversation, I switch off ( Ask my former boss :x).
Right now, I don't have A LOT of people in my close inner circle life and the ones I have there are hand picked and definitely NOT negative people, I can condone a lil bit of negativity because we gotta be honest we all have some bad energy lurking around somewhere and we need to let it out sometimes however what I can't and would NOT condone is constant, I mean CONSTANT negativity.... If you've not met people like that, I have and they exist and I moved faaaaaaaarr with no regret!!
While I'm moving far from negative people, I would also be working on getting rid of negative thoughts.

P.s: Try and surround yourself with laughter, music and love because what goes in is what comes out.
........................................................................................................................

This I was meditating upon today:

I know the source. The source is right.
I drank. Still not filled.
I reached out. Thin air.
This is the source. Never been more sure.
What am I missing?
Point to the source of the source? Would you? Let me double check.
I drink. Still empty.
I reach out. Can't grasp.
I won't stop. I will get there.
Even if it takes everything.
I will get there.
To the source of the source.
Then I asked myself, do I really feel empty? Or its just one of those times God feels distant?
Something is missing and I can feel it.
Dear God, Fill me. Show me. Make me understand. Help me. Speak to me!

Thanks for stopping by,
Love!!

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