Blue Peril: The Genesis

Hello People, My name is Adriana, and I love shoes, i would just buy shoes and put them on display and just be happy just looking at them, I know this is not a good first impression but truthfully I’m into shoes. Today is not about shoes though, I kissed a guy today and I did NOT feel a thing, well maybe except disgust; which is weird, a kiss never disgusts me, I mean it’s a kiss for crying out loud. So why did a kiss disgust me?

I decided to come here to share the stories behind my love life on here and try to make them as short as possible and spread them over time. This is my first Piece, Do Enjoy.

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I live in a world where uncool is a synonym for Virgin, not to talk of being a kiss- virgin too. I was 16 and in SS2, I wasn’t bothered, I only cared about physics assignment – I had a strict teacher, Chemistry lab work and who I was going to disturb during Prep. Although I got a lot of attention from boys, wasn’t bothered either.

Not for long

Strolling along the road with my friend one Saturday during visiting hours, She stops to greet this tall, slim, handsome boy, then she introduces us, we all got talking, I was so engrossed that I didn’t even know when my friend left us. We kept talking for hours about God know what.

There were a lot of boys with the “good – looking” appearance all over the school but not all of them had a good command of English and could make me laugh like Joseph did, and just like that I became one of them, you know those “Snr Adriana, Snr Joseph wants to see you outside” category of girls, I was so shy I would see him for a short while then go back to my hostel “Still Thinking about it”

Quick Question: When we were younger, why did we believe in keeping the boy waiting too long even if we liked him?

I had senior friends who would go for prep- after- prep, come back and  start a tell – it – all discussion about “happened” during the prep after dark, my young mind would pick up on stuff and arouse my curiosity.

Finally, I decided to become Josephs girlfriend so I joined the prep – after – prep band wagon, gradually since basically prep after dark wasn’t for ‘talking’ we started running out of things to say, I starting panicking.

Not for long either.

“Adriana, tell me, have you kissed Joseph before?” She dropped it on me like bomb one prep - after – prep night.

“Because I kissed segun today and it really felt good” She continued

Trying not to look in her eyes “Errrmmm…. I’ve never kissed before, I really don’t know how to”

I almost laughed out at the shock I saw on her face.

Recovering from her shock, she tried to convince me about how awesome and harmless kissing is “You close your eyes, there can be tongue involved, you let him lead and soak it in”

I sat there nodding my head and soaking it all in like an agama lizard and with every intake if the words I said good bye to a little piece of my innocence.

One prep after prep, trying to say goodbye to my “love” then he put his lips on mine and for a second there I would have sworn all the blood I had in my whole body went up to my brain so I couldn’t send the signal to my lips to part ways to give way for his, so I stood there two hands by my side, lips closed and he trying to stick is tongue in my tight closed lips, now what’s the definition of awkward again? I just gave the shy smile and left for my hostel, of course I had to go back and give my tutor feedback, I couldn't crush her feelings and tell how much bad a student I was.

Literally

“It was nice” was my reply and she just smiled, gave me the I – told -  you – so look and hugged me like saying goodbye to my innocence was something to celebrate.

After numerous Preps after dark and attempts to have a non-tongue-forcing-kiss, I finally learnt to part my lips while kissing and my life never remained the same.

Met my friend on my way to his class after School on a Friday, She greeted me longer than usual, that was where I got suspicious “Seriously Bimpe What’s going on?, let me go I need to see Joseph”

Reluctantly she let me go without saying a word to reply me.

As I walked to see Joseph and one of his friends playing as usual but this time before they could sight me their tongues were doing a little playing too, rubbing my eyes clearing my throat by the window side making sure the saw me, then I walked away. We saw each other a couple of times after that incident.

But Not for long.

I broke up with him. I was miserable, but of course I learnt a huge lesson about peer pressure in this first phase of my love life, do things for you not because your friend thinks it’s a good idea or because your friends think its cool, so at least you would be responsible for your Actions and not blame someone for your mistakes – people that won’t be there to clean the mess when the water boils over the cooker.

Too lazy to clean maam?

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Please leave a comment. Thank You.

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Gone Till November...

I've been talking to a friend of mine and she has persuaded me to let her have access to my blog, Since I've not been writing x_x her name is Adriana and I think She has something interesting to share with you guys (I Hope)
The thing is, she has not even told me what and frankly I want to be surprised.
I'm not editing or proof reading what she has to write, am just handing it over to her and joining the audience.

I do hope she delivers *Fingers Crossed*
*In Frank Edoho's voice* The next post(s) you going to see is Adriana's

X__X

I'm not really gone till november tho'. It just seemed appropriate ;)

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A Thousand Tears

A Tear for everytime I hear my name.
A Tear for when I don't.
A Tear for everytime I see your face.
A Tear for everytime I don't.
A Tear for Love.
A Tear for Love Lost.
A Tear for every Win.
A Tear for every Mistake.
A Tear for every Memory Gained.
A Tear for every Memory lost.
A Tear for Success.
A Tear for Failure
A Tear for being heard.
A Tear for being misunderstood.
A Tear for every Laugh.
A Tear for every Cry.
A Tear for Tomorrow.
A Tear for Yesterday.
A Tear for every Joy.
A Tear for every Pain.
Either ways I have a 1000 Tears.


This is Dedicated to people like me, who only know how to express Joy, Anger, Pain etc. with Tears.

Happy Sunday!

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Thoughts from within - Narrow Path?

I flipped through the pages for my bible to the passage i heard as the bible reading for the service which reads

1 John 3:7-9
Little children, let no man deceive you: he that doeth righteousness is righteous, even as he is righteous.

He that committeth sin is of the devil; for the devil sinneth from the beginning. For this purpose the Son of God was manifested, that he might destroy the works of the devil.
Whosoever is born of God doth not commit sin; for his seed remaineth in him: and he cannot sin, because he is born of God.

Did you also get the eye-opening reaction it got after reading this?

My ever over-active mind just slapped me with ''So madame you are of the devil'' as i'm trying to convince myself that 'm not i asked myself

What Can be qualified as sin gaan?
I don't steal, lie, fornicate, commit adultry, kill but ofcourse i still know i'm far from righteous.

Still having my inner sober reflection when the pastor comes up and gives the answer to my question.

Sin is disobedience of Gods word.

Okay i knew that but the question was did i know God's word?

The word in Romans 1: 29-32
Clearly states what God loathe

wickedness, evil, greed, greed, envy, murder, strife, deceit, malice, gossips, slanders, God-haters, insolent, arrogant, boastful, those that invent ways of doing evil, those that disobey their parents, senslessness, faithlessness

Also in colossians 3: 5-9
We have Anger, Rage, Malice, Slander, Filthy Language, Sexual Impurities, Lust, Evil desire, greed.

And Just like me, alot of us have forgotten that Sin isn't just about Stealing or killing there are alot more ''little'' words that we fail to obey.

I read here( joeyeparker.wordpress.com/2012/06/18/strive-for-perfection/ ) about perfection, trying to erase in our minds the notion we have that nobody can be perfect, that only makes us give up, however in as much as we are not perfect we should acknowledge our imperfect state and strive for perfection, that way we would always want to be better versions of ourselves.

Correlation you might ask..

Yes, when we stop acting all ''righteous'' and acknowledge that we are falling for little sins as unforgiveness, greed, anger etc.. Then we would be able to sit up, repent, stop being of the devil and move on to the narrow path.

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Thoughts From Within

"When other people become your source of happiness, you begin to be unhappy"

"Never let your happiness depend on things, situations and people for as history tells us, things, situations and people do and will always change"

These quotes I read off twitter started my half-thoughts (as I would like to call 'em) because I'm still don't understand.

How exactly is the right way to be happy?

The way people open up their mouth and say this is What or what not to make one happy beats me.

As children all we just needed were toys, food, time to play and parents that would be there when they need more, to be happy right? Or what other worry do they have? School? Oh please..

When we grow older our parents became uncool, started going to church because your parents wanted us to go, school stress, friend wahala different reasons to be unhappy started showing up from nowhere right?

Disclaimer: This is me just generalising, ofcourse I'm aware there would be exceptions.

I know God is the ultimate giver of happiness, but truthfully how many of us understood this growing up? So what did we do? Found the happiness with someone or things we liked or stuffs we bought right?

Either ways the "someone" & "Something" factor was there right? Although the happiness was short-lived but it was there.

Someone always says this to me

"no one can make u happy. Real happiness is from within"

My own confusion here is, even if you get "within happiness" does someone or something not have something to do with it?

And what is this "happiness from within"? What exactly does it entail?

Is there a right way to be genuinely happy??

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I got Tagged

I stole took DiDI's picture

I was tagged by miss ay

Rules

I. Post the rules.
II. You must post 11 things about yourself.
III. Answer the questions that your tagger posted for you.
IV. Create 11 questions,the choose 11 people & tag them to answer your questions.
V. Remember to let them know you tagged them,No tag backs.
VI. Let the tagger know when you answer their questions

11 Random Things About me

1. I use just Red and black pens Biros

2. I love my space(although i don't mind sharing), My music, my notepad

3. Love wedges *dreamy eyes*

4. I get interested in boys stuff sometimes, okay most times -_-

5 I get emotionally attached to almost all my stuff makes it so hard to let go.

6 I love reading when i'm not busy staring at my phone (which is all the time) X_X

7 I play Kirk Francklin's songs when i feel down , he just knows how to get you back up with his lyrics. God Bless Kirk Franklin

8 In a group of unfamiliar people, I'm that girl sitting in the corner observing (when I'm not looking at my phone of course) although my friends would swear i am the naughtiest person on earth.

9. I want a power bike why? Just for the trips *insert slow motion here* all black leather, zooms in, removes helmet, shakes long hair *cut* watching too many action movies, but you get my drift ryt? :)

10. Did i mention i love reading? OK... Its just so important that's all, love learning new things

11. I'm a hopeless romantic. I can love for Africa (When i do love) i have a few people on my list.

12. I absolutely love making-up and dressing up. I have dress-up Saturdays sometimes, where i make-up, dress up and take pictures maybe i should even share on here sef ;)

13. I'm a list freak, i don't feel organized till i make a list. To-do, to-buy, to-save, to-*insert anything do-able here* its endless

oh? 11 right? *shrugs* is that not why we are here??? To break the rules? No? Ok.

Moving On

Answers to Ay's Question

1) How many pairs of shoes do you own?

Shoes?? Hmmm.... Where i am right now, i have 8 pairs of footwear pls lets not add the ones at home so i don't look like a...... :)

2) Name three places in the world you would love to visit

I just wanna go anywhere that has a nice  beach, water fall, breath taking highlands you know and all that nature stuff #Bliss

3) What is your best food?

 Garri and anything (Sugar, milk,fish, stew, meat Etc)

4) What would you do if you had just 24 hours left on earth?

Wow huge question. If i am where i am today? I would take a plane home that's 51/5 hrs spent traveling, spend 10hrs with my family, reminding them of how much i love and appreciate them and writing out how i want my small money to be spent not forgetting to drop all my passwords then spend the remaining hours with the bf, Say a prayer and Sleep.

5) Do you believe in love at first sight?

 Love at first sight? No! Attraction at first sight? Yes! Love at first talk? Maybe.

6) What is your beauty regime?

Can i laugh pls? Loooooool beauty regime? Whats that? Don't lemmie bring my razzness into this blog, too late? :( Errmm I'm the local soap kinda girl, I don't have a ''particular'' body cream (Once i see ''for dry skin'' and its not ridiculously expensive, i pick it up), body spray (anything for men works for me), perfume(its perfume right? bring it)  but i do take my make-up seriously, Brown powder,concealer, lip gloss, lip stick, eyeliner, mascara what else? Hair? Recently gone natural so I'm still getting a hang of it, don't have products for my hair yet so does this count as beauty something?? :D

7) At what age did you start school?

Did you say start school? How am i supposed to know? I only have vivid memory from SS1 - Date the rest? Blurrr.... Lemmie ask *BBMing Mumsi* OK. She says ''Education never ends'' Don't know what the heck that means *shrugs* Lets do the maths shall we? I'm 21 now - Serving 4 years Uni, 7 years Sec. Sch, 5 years primary Sch, 2 years Nur Sch that's 21- 4 - 7 - 5 - 2 =?? Oya bring out your calculator you know you wanna ;)

8. How did you spend Christmas last year?

Is there another way to spend Christmas in naija than with family? But if you asked before Christmas last year there might just be some interesting stuff to tell but since you didn't ask :x

9. Do you consider yourself an introvert or an extrovert?

 Yeah i'ld consider myself an introvert

10. Have you ever been caught up in a physical fight with anyone?

Physical Fight? I have a mental sticky note that reminds me of how small i am and how it would take just 5Secs to get ,e bleeding, So No! Not in this lifetime or the next.

11.What do you love about blogs ville?

 Love that i can come here and write stuff for beautiful people to read and the amount of talent you get to see? AMAZING....

My Questions

  

1. What movie did you watch last?

2. Would you describe yourself as romantic? Why?

3.would you adopt a child? Why?

4.What was your childhood fantasy?

5.How much did your last shoe cost?

6.If you got a one month all expense paid trip for 2 who would you ask to go with you?

7.What do you do when you get lonely?

8.Whats your kind of music?

9.Which blogger would you want to meet?

10.

11.

1. LDP For words the encourage and lift the soul

2. Imisi Words of wisdom that challenge you

3. RJ Just go learn a lesson

4. DIDI can i call him pastor?

5. Romance meets life need i say more?

6. N.I.L Modern day funky mama :) fun blog, there is always something to learn

7. LightALamp just found this blog good stuff...

8. 9jagreat he always has a different angle.
9. Gistdotcom sisi yemmie, her gists and foood!!
10.  kitkat Although she doesn't blog much again, her "tales" are off the hook

 11. chizzyk - go here for your gossip ;)
*Phew* 

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Forbidden Love

I think I've known you all my life,
Can't remember the first time we met personally tho'
I just remember daddy warning me against you,
I was a rebel so it felt good to go against him.
I was curious,
It lead to the greatest love affair.

I would sneak to have a piece of you,
Sometimes I got caught,
I was scolded, I didn't mind, the time spent with you although short was worth it.
I was in love.
The undiluted joy I feel whenever its time to see you,
The butterflies in my tummy,
The feeling of satisfaction and fulfilment I get from being with you,
I know you are irreplaceable.

Mummy was always quiet, she noticed the love I guess but she thought I would outgrow it,
But here I am; 21 still haven't "out grown" you,
She is tired. He doesn't scold me anymore too.
He has accepted our love affair.
He now understands,
Understands that the love I have for
Garri would remain.



*Dodging Tomatoes* Ok! Ok! I know..... :p :p :p :D

P.S: This was supposed to be an "update post" but I changed my mind. I got a tag from the lovely miss ay, walahi I've written it out in my note book oh, the issue now is typing it, would post it before friday next week. Fair enough? I thought so too... :)

P.P.S: I also have this story I've been working on for a while (I actually abandoned it) its still not finished, but I'ld post the first part so you guys can tell me if I shld hang my writing pen or just finish the _damn thing :)

P.P.P.S(is there even anything like this?): Notice the template change? What do you think??? Pls Go easy on me oo.. It takes a lot of courage to change anything in my life... I guess you'ld know why soon

*Now doing the dance* DON'T ask why :p :p
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless handheld from Glo Mobile.

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Dear God,

I wrote this in my journal 18th August 2010, was reading it today and wondering "did you really write that Tomilola?" Anyways see what I'm talking about.......

Dear God,

At this stage am just full of plenty decisions to make or rather plenty questions and no answer, please lord grant me your wisdom to get the answers to my question..
Lord, I don't have anyone and I know I don't need anyone except you please grant me the peace and joy I need to enjoy your presence so I wouldn't feel lonely due to lack of people to talk to...
God please forgive me my sins, help me so I would sin no more.
Thank you lord for everything you've done in my life, am grateful for the things I have and give me the grace not to complain about anything, because I know there are people in this world who would give anything just to be where I am today.....
Lord I've written all I want, how I want them. Our destiny is in our hands, so I put my hands in your hands. Grant me this wish and make my destiny come to pass and as the day go by help me make the right choices..
Help me love you the way I read that I should love you.
I ask through Jesus Christ our lord! Amen



Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless handheld from Glo Mobile.

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.......Crystal Clearance

Receiving that phone call from the group manager saying I should see him by 4.30 today just did it for me.

What? Am I the only one?

What does he want to see me for again?

I'm sure its about that closing hours review I talked about

Who woulda known that I ran from lagos because I didn't want stress for a whole year and here they are trying to make my stay here a living hell. Crap!

Just picked up my bag and left, couldn't wait to just get into my room, I got in and the tears just kept rolling in uncontrollably.

I think I need a shrink.

I've gotten to that stage where I don't tell my self half truths anymore although the truth hurts, it also sets free (btw this aint no motivational speaking)

This is the only place I've known most of my life, I can probably count the happy moments in all my 21years, I only know how to be sad, I don't know how to be happy, so yeah I take advantage of every sad thing that happens to me and live in the moment! Yes LIVE in it.

Before you go on, lemmie warn there is no moral to this story, this is just me letting it all out and saying it ALL as it comes to my mind...

Why enjoys being hurt?? Or being sad??? Yes me! I don't think I am to blame for that one, its the only familiar place I know asides from the dark room..

I walked on the darkest side of it all April 11 2012... Coming from a frustrated day at work, alone in my room, nursing pain, regrets, bad decisions and mistakes I had made... I begged God to take me away from this earth, at that moment Nothing else mattered to me, all the "inspirational talk" had gone down the drain, rolls of tissue wasted, Eyes swollen, I felt really empty, bad part? I had no one to talk to expect who I was asking to end it all for me, I had the perfect plan, I had just written "drowning" and felt it would be perfect way to end it all, but ofcourse 24hrs later I kept seeing images of my folks, my sisters and I remembered the voice I heard on the other end of the line one night I had an attack "who would I talk to" then I snapped out of it all with tears and begged God to forgive me and promised not to take away the life he had given me. And I knew if things didn't work out at that moment it would eventually. I told my sister about it so atleast she would keep checking on me incase I started having depressing thoughts again.

Gladly that phase is over and I would never EVER think of killing myself no matter what! Still this familiar place still lingers, I genuinely want to be happy, I don't like crying all the time.
I want all the hurt to go away. I just want to be happy!!

Yeah I hear it's a choice, but one can't just switch from 80% Sad to 100% Happy right???

I wish it was so easy. I'm just tried of keeping up the charade like I'm not hurting inside....

I don't know the point of this post but I'm just writing to see if I would feel better.

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Hold me Now

I am a dreamer and not the "I have a dream" kinda dreamer. I dream like joseph, a lot of times I forget but there are some particular dreams I remember.

Two days ago I took a nap and I had this dream, the content I can't remember but a certain someone held up a bible verse to me
Exodus 7:8-9 then I woke up.

I know my last post said "Stay Positive" and all but it ain't that easy, I can only try as a human in the end I'm not perfect. Last week was a pretty rough week for me so seeing that verse, I just wanted to figure out what was in it for me. It reads...

"The Lord said to moses and Aaron. When pharaoh says to you 'perform a miracle' then say to Aaron, 'Take your staff and throw it down before pharaoh' and it would become a snake"

Before I opened it, I thought it was going to be a straight forward "encouragement verse" but I got more confused "moses" "Aaron" "staff" "snake" "miracles" *phew* then I started thinking about what the meaning could be to me and I was totally blank I got sleepy and it started coming to me. Let's analyse shall we?

There was a man with an ordinary staff in his hands, God knew he would be asked to perform a miracle and told him to drop the staff and it would turn to a snake right? Yeah. Ok.

"He had a staff", not he gave him a staff
"Throw it down" Action
"It would turn to snake" result

So this is how I see it.
We all HAVE something in us that we probably don't know would be of use and the world is there (pharaoh in this case) waiting to see what we have to offer, so we have to act for us to get results. Let's bear in mind that Moses and Aaron did not practice to see the miracle would really happen if they drop the staff, they went and dropped it with faith.

Before now my worry has been what I would do after service, thing is my dad wants me to go for masters and that's not what I want but I'm just scared that what I want may not work out, maybe this verse was all I needed to assure me that he's got me.

So what's my point exactly? Everything we need we have, we just don't know it yet. This is telling us that no matter what we should take the dive with faith, God would DEFINITELY catch us and give us our miracle..

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Drowning

I knew I was walking home to my death sentence as I held the report sheet that held the collective effort of my second year in secondary school, it read “To repeat jss II”. Hoping I wont meet her, I walked home crying like a baby, oh yeah a baby crying over spilt milk and asking myself the “why” questions, the rustle in the kitchen brought me back to life and reminded me that I was closer to death. Handing over the report and handing watching the calm look on her face, my worst fears came alive. I was going to die that day.

Resting on the red railings with my huge purple bucket in hand coming from the stream, he passed and sneezed “Thunder” I would have ignored like I normally do, but it had gotten to the height, even my junior now calls me the name? Tears in my eyes, head down, I walk away, as always. Oh, how did I get the name? That haunted me for 2years in a new school? Thought you’d never ask.

Fresh from Lagos to Ife, little or zero Yoruba, first test – Yoruba test and I see stuff I cant translate, the only question I seem to understand is “kini Sango ma  fin ja” (what does sango fight with) racking my brain for the translation of the answer from the beginning to almost the end of the test, 5 mins more and I scribbled “Thunder”

If only I knew that, that single act would end my social life in my new school I would have gotten my zero jejeli as against the 1, the Thunderous laughs that came from the class after the teacher asked me to identify myself for writing English in her test and the remaining 2 years of humiliation. If only.

Staring into the dark from my backyard, I can’t actually believe I’m in 300l seriously? With good grades? Wow! It still felt like yesterday hearing those words that still sting

“why did your dad insist you go to secondary school”

“ I warned him”

“you should have gone to primary six”

“you were too young”

“you are leaving that school”

“…….useless”

I had never heard my mum use such word on anyone but it came to me anyway and once again I wept like a baby. So would you blame me when I was excited I heard the same mouth say

“You know the child you thought couldn’t do good…..”

“you know what I mean right?” Although she didn’t complete her statement, it meant the world, but not for long.

I saw her iron the cloth, my princess-y white gown although I was one, I remember that part, its all blurry from here but I also remember the confession, she had put something in my dress, she was is a witch, she was is family, not my sister. I fell sick, very sick, hospitalized at 1. It was supposed to be my birthday. Did I mention? I remember the Mr Biggs too.

I was so happy with my new relationship until I did not introduce sex. I got reminders of how many girls were ready the shag him and the “you know what to do” statement, and a constant reminder of how his family members preferred his ex-girlfriend. Did I mention I got out? 

Standing here 2007 and watching all the students taking pictures with their folks, it was matriculation day; I wore a gown I was alone with my sister. If only they knew the way to my new school maybe they would’ve come or if only they were not too busy with work. It couldn’t be that I was just a different daughter could it?

July 2000, I was going to be 10years old, very excited I’m sure I kept reminding them about my birthday and how I wanted to celebrate it because I thought it was a tradition to as my elder ones and friends around had theirs, but I got the singing “kosi ina didi nbe” (There is no cooking there) or in my dad’s version “You would celebrate it when you turn 15” didn’t know I was to get used to it till I turned 21, it was God’s grace. I thought I wasn’t different. I thought wrong.

2012 sitting in the dark waiting for me to enter, I feel reluctant because I don’t know what's in store for me, what am I to do with a 12 pages book? A Book that says a lot more than 12 pages. I enter anyway pick up 2012 like it’s a joke, but it’s a book and I'm on page 3 and still clueless, I could always tell a book after reading its first page but not this one. How so? *confused look*

Should I stop reading?

Should I just write my own ending?

Where is the good part of this story?

Would the book even have an ending?

These extracts are pages from previous books, my books, not like I don’t have happy stories to tell but like my sister put it “exorcising the demons”. I’m on a path right now, the “be happy” path and I figured I would have to let all this out to be successful on this path.

A lot of people have probably dealt with situations worse than mine; the end sure justifies the means.  So whats your story? Most importantly what’s your ending? Re-write it if you have to.

P.s:  New motto is “stay happy”

P.p.s: Newer motto is “stay positive”

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The Pain.

The ache in your heart,
The ache from inside out,
The motionless movement,
The emptiness you feel,
The endless questions,
The Regrets,
The Uncontrollable tears,
Blood shot eyes,
Then you ask why?
Why this?
Why me?
What is the point?
The point of the pain.

Am not sure i know what am on about. Anyways hope i made sense?

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We are one!!!!

This ONE journey started with a step ofcoursee a step..
I met this amazing someone over a year ago and 1115msgs, a couple of calls and one visit later, i was totally in love. Its been a wonderful year with you and i've never regretted any part of it.

Its not  been a smooth ride all through, but what keeps me going is the fact that i know we would always get through those difficult times.

Thank you for choosing to love me, thank you for all the kind words and encouragement, thank you for all the correctons (Even if you think i dont listen) Thank you for seeing me as beautiful ALL the time, even when i dnt think so and thank you for accepting me the way i am, however i won't thank you for teaching me to do funny faces.

like a wise man once said ''we cannot know what the future hold, we can only teach ourselves not to snatch''

you are in my now and i absolutly appreciate every moment of it. my personal gift from God. I love you darling.

Happy Annivarsary His Royal sweetness.


xo

Am allowed to steal a poem right?
too late i stole it already x_x


no longer a dream
Somewhere in my heart beyond all my pride
holds a secret desire so intense, deep inside.
Imprisoned with all my passion and love,
unknown to anyone but the one above.
A desire for someone to cherish and hold,
the need for a love to call my own.

Someone to kiss and make up with after fight.
Someone who can respect all I can be.
Someone who's strong enough to commit and love only me.
Someone who will be there and kiss away my tears, secure my doubts, and release me from all my fears.

Someone I can depend on to be my friend, someone who can restore my faith in love once again.
This love is like a dream yet to come true,
Or so I believed until I found you.

~ Candice S.

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Road to NG

The 2nd FAQ after the 'No' reply to the first FAQ 'Did you work your posting' i heard up until the week of posting was 'Ahan why??' or in the elderly format 'Kilode?'

I've learnt in this my short life that its from one pot of soup to another and no matter how hot it gets, u just gotta live through it *sigh*

I was so excited about the NYSC experience by the time i was leaving school in June/July until i had to worry about where i-was-going-to-be-posted-to which ofcourse was immediatly as people would not let you rest by reminding you everyday *Long Hiss* everywhere i went, all the different people i saw, it was all 'where do you want to be posted to' 'are you working it' 'i hope they don't post you to the north' 'me i won't let you go to the north oh' in different formats, and am there all smiling but if you look really closely you would see i have my hands clasped  against my ears screaming 'Can you all leave me alone and direct your questions to NYSC'

All that constant reminder made me less excited about it all and more worried so when my mum came home one day and said ''take a paper write your full name, call up number and where you want to be posted to, this man is asking for it''  it felt like the time to put an end to the worry and be rest assured of the place, i wrote it quite alright and put Lagos but the paper did not leave my room.

After writing lagos i started asking myself; then whats the point of the scheme? If i stay in lagos it just going to be IT experience all over again, what exactly do i want to achieve this service year? So i pulled out my journal (as usual) and wrote (no editting):

What i want from the NYSC experience.

- Get myself ready for the independent life

-prove to myself that i can make it on my own

-The 'responsible' feeling

-Mentally prepare myself for the life ahead

-Help! Help!! Help!!!

-Live

-Visit places

-Devotion to God

-Service

-Embrace the whole idea

After all these writing and pondering, i was too sure i wasnt going to work my posting and definatly not to lagos, when i prayed sef i said to God anywhere but lagos; not that i hate lagos that much but the only reason i didnt want lagos is TRAFFIC (@gidiTraffic would understand)

I just pray God would help me achieve all of these by the end of my one year serving the fatherland!

So here i am in Niger State.

Otondo

sexy  cofer

Crazy  dust

Notice the diff? my nickname was ''water bottle''

we must sha be fine :)

Body Art

My camp crew

love this

and this

Camp fire night

Last day

I got so blackkkk :(

World Aids day

Learnt nu make up skills

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Battle Within

Everyday is a battle,
Yeah, i Fight alone;
fight my indecisions,
fight my fears,
fight my habits,
Now i ask 'what are we fighting for?'
or rather what am i fighting for?

Its all complex. I am complex.
Everyday i think
why do i feel so lonely, when am not truely alone?
why is everyone i love so close, yet so far?
why do people act all caring and honestly don't give a hoot?

why do things feel so close to your reach but you cant rech it?
why do i have letters and words in my head but hard to write it out?
why are the sponteneous days gone?

what am i really fighting for?
fighting for my freedom,
freedom from this battle,
Freedom from me!

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