I Got Tired

I wrote this yesterday night and i just thought to share, maybe i just might get the encouragement i am looking for;

28th April

How did it just come over me? The tired feeling.

Please, tell me i am not crazy
Please tell me that i am doing the right thing chasing after Jesus.

I know its right but then sometimes, sometimes..... sigh.

...... i just get tired

..too tired to ask for help from the one i know that gives.

tired.

overwhelmed.

confused.

I ask for strength

sincerely,

Girl too tired to look to the hills

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The Seer: Redistribute

The Tag read “Event Manager”, picked it up and wore it with pride.

Hi, My name is Chioma and this was the day my whole life changed, i’m not sure how i got the job, maybe because Bola is the Choir Director, I don’t know, what I do know is, I was excited when I got the call, who wouldn’t have been?

I was just asked to organise the Concert for the Largest church in the City. 

They all sat in a row in the brightly lit room that was my office, the excitement mixed with tension filled the atmosphere, that much you couldn't miss

“This is a big deal for us, and we can’t afford to mess anything up,this event will make us known in this city if we do it right, so lets do what we know how to do best”

That was 6 weeks ago, and here I was standing on the stage checking and double checking details, 

decorations, Check. 

Sound System, Check. 

Transportation, check. 

Sitting arrangement, check.

Lighting, Check. 

Back up power supply, Check. 

Running the rest of  her check list with Dola and everything was looking perfect, wait almost everything.

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Book Review: When Heaven Weeps.

SO, Its no huge secret that i am a Ted dekker groupie, Picked up this book last week and i was engrossed through out the week till i finished it. Although the book is old but then it so alive. Once again, Ted (Yeah, we on first name basis now *Yimu*) delivered.

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This book is all sorts of amazing.

I got to a point in the book and i just closed it and i was balling my eyes out, really it was that touching.

We always hear about God's Love for us but this book is centered on Our Love for God.

Love so deep and pure that you willing to die in order to live. get that?

"In living we die and in dying we live"

getting to a point in your walk with God where death doesn't scare you because you know there is a greater reward, laughter, Joy, peace. Amazing right?

This book was also Ted's Version of the Hosea Story in the bible, one of my favourite books in the world is Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers, its her re-tell of the Hosea story from the bible too and reading it again from another perspective was Amazing.

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Let me share a few quotes from the Book...

“Suffering is an oxymoron. There is unfathomable peace and satisfaction in suffering for Christ. It is as though you have searched endlessly for your purpose in life and now found it in the most unexpected place: In the death of your flesh. It is certainly a moment worth of laughter and dance. And in the end it is not suffering at all. The apostle Paul recommended that we find joy in it. Was he mad?” 
― Ted Dekker, When Heaven Weeps

“So where does Stan fit in this equation?...
We are told to meditate on scripture, even the hald that details the consequences of evil, the consequent of Jericho and all. Not to pretend out God has somehow changed since the time of Christ. Obviously, Paul's idea of admirable and noble is quite different from ours. God forgives us, Bill. We have mocked His victory by whitewashing the enemy for the sake of our neighbirs approval."
No Greater Love has any man...” 
― Ted Dekker, When Heaven Weeps

“What is pure Bill? Or excellent or admirable? The death of a million people in a flood? God evidently through so. He is incapable of acts that are not admirable, and it is He who brought about the Flood. How about the slaying of children in Jericho? There are a few Bible stories that are not as terrible as they are happy. We just prefer to leave out the terrible part, but that only makes the good anemic.” 
― Ted Dekker, When Heaven Weeps

“What a terrible thing it is for children to see death, you say. We have it all wrong. If you make a child terrified of death, he won't embrace it so easily. And death must be embraced if you wish to follow Christ. Listen to His teaching. 'Unless you become like a child...and unless you take up your cross daily, you cannot enter the kingdom of heaven.' One is not valuable without the other. 

Janjic Jovic, The Dance of the Dead, 1959” 
― Ted Dekker, When Heaven Weeps

"A man can only live with so much, true enough. At some point he will have to die for something. if not now, then for eternity" - Ted Dekker, When heaven weeps

"Die? How would i die? Forgive. Love her without condition. Climb up to your cross, my friend. As seeds fall on the ground and die, it cannot bear fruit. somehow the church has forgotten the masters teaching" - Ted Dekker, when heaven weeps

"..... In reality the death of will is far more traumatic than the death of body" Ted Dekker, When heaven weeps.

"It was indeed God that had place this new tune in his heart. so he would dance a new dance- a dance of life, a dance of Love" - Ted Dekker, When Heaven weeps

There you have it, When next you are in a bookstore stop at the Ted Dekker stand and pick one, definitely worth your time.

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Wordless Wednesday

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He caught up with me finally.

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With one eye opened foreign tongue in the background, i’m standing there “preparing my mind” and wondering “why hasn’t this happened to me?”

i was about 14 years old and it was cadet camp (Thats foursquare version of children camp), that year passed and i had still not felt the holy spirit the way they all said he would just come down and fall on you, and the next year and the next year.

“Maybe the holy spirit isn’t for you after all” I said to myself after raising my hands countless times and preparing my mind under the ministeration of various men of God.

I gave up.

But God doesn’t give up on you does he?

A part of me wanted the experience and the other part of me gave up since it hadn’t happened all these years.

i’m 22(.5) *side eye* and he finally caught up with me, did i hear halleluyah? I thought so too ;)

I was looking for a church to attend in Kontagora then and that sunday i told the bike man to take me to the Redeem church over there, just pointing my hand in one direction and in that my small church i felt the holy spirit and i was too sure i was in the right place, i didnt start speaking in tongues at the time but that alone was an amazing experience, the peace that washed over me after that? Ever heard of the peace that passeth all understanding? Then the Joy? Amazing, but i wanted more, i wanted to speak in tongues like everyone else, maybe that was where i missed it. I didnt understand the purpose of the Spirit and why i needed him, i just wanted it because i didn’t want to be the only one praying in English when everyone around me is praying in heavenly language.

I Chilled.

I would wake up in the middle of the night and pray for the holy spirit and wait and wait for the heavenly language that i could not explain. Nothing.

I cried. Nothing

I gave Thanks. Nothing.

Sometime in Ocotber 2012 a family friend (Titus) came over the house to ask my sister and i if we wanted to go for a prayer session specially just to recieve the holy spirit, i was excited and i jumped at it, my spirit obeyed the man of God and recieved the holy spirit that day, i spoke in tongues but.....

Not for long, i had doubts “Am i the one really speaking” “Jeez girl, you sound so weird stick to english”

After that day the only time i remember speaking in tongues was when i woke up from a very bad dream speaking aloud in tongues, balling my eyes out then... Nothing

I did not feel a thing, i gave my self the stick to english prayer speech but it was far from over, Once again i started to Thrist for the Holy spirit and it became frustrating at some point because it started being about the personal experience and i wasn’t getting it even after praying and knowing so much truths about who i am in christ.

2am on the 19th of Jan, i went on my knees, sang worship songs, prayed for forgivenessand started asking for the power of the holy spirit to come upon me, i was repeating one of the prayers (which i can’t remember) when it happened..

you know when you are on one side of a large crossable-gutter then suddenly you jumo and you are on the other side and wonder how you made it there? (You don’t? what happened to your childhood? no gutter jumping? *smh*)

Thats exactly how i felt and i felt it all over my body too and i could hear myself speak a language i didn’t understand.

He caught up with me... Finally and i am so grateful.

Want to share your first experience with the holy spirit with us? Use the comment box or with me? Send me an email tomi.akibo@gmail.com. i definitely want to hear it. Thanks!

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ThrowBackThursday

Cute Keed? No? 

My dad's 40th Birthday, who is the cutie in the middle?

2007 Mayflower School, press club hand over

So, There you have it, you can laugh at me now x_x

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The Seer: Beyond the crowd Mentality

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Sitting at the table while my mind took flight

This study looks smaller, trying to suck me in?

Every sense at alert

Even notice the ripple at the tail of the housefly that flew by

It spinned, it caught my eyes

Tiny shapes come together to make the world

Dots, trails, long paths

How did I see that far?

Looking closely, it comes alive

Dots trails, long paths leading to the crowd

Did you see that? He just snatched her bag.

I saw past the sellers sweats, she just wanted to make a living

Can you see the tear in the corner of her eye?

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Cover me right.

Walking around fully clothed and still longing for a covering. Anyone else ever felt that way? And when people stare at you for too long you start to feel awkward, like “Can you stop already”

I’ve felt that way countless times.

We are going to camp in Gen 2 &3 for this today. Stay with me

“And they were both naked, the man and wife and were not ashamed” Gen 2:25

The first thing people will jump at here is Aha! Wedding night, when they are naked they will not be ashamed, Yeah partially but we are also aware that some married people are still “shy” of their nakedness. Think about it.

Let us bear in mind that this verse was before they ate of the tree in the midst of the garden and we know how the story went. The serpent, Eve then Adam… back and forth then BAM!!

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New Blog design

Hello Everyone and Happy New Month.

This is just to show off my new blog, i think i have grown out of being a DramaQueen and as such the blog should also grow with me.

*Drum rolls*

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100 Truths about me!

I saw this on Nikkysho's blog and i wanted to do it too :) but I stole it from Sugabelly.

LASTS

1. Last drink:

Water

2. Last phone call:

My Sister

3. Last text message:

MTN - I only get text messages from them these days

4. Last song you listened to:

Hezekaih Walker - God favours me ft Marvin sapp

5. Last time you cried:

Yesterday - 

 SIX HAVE YOU EVER:

6. Dated someone twice:

No

7. Been cheated on:

Yes

8. Kissed someone:

Yes

9. Lost someone special:

Yes… My grandmother

10. Been depressed:

Yes

11. Been drunk and threw up:

No

 LIST FOUR FAVORITE COLOURS:

12. Green
13. Blue
14. Black
15. Purple

HAVE YOU:

16. Made new friends:

Yes.

17. Fallen out of love:

Yes.

18. Laughed until you cried:

Yes

19. Met someone who changed you:

Yes

20. Found out who your true friends were:

Yes, eye opening experience

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VLOG: Liebster Awards

The rules are as follows

1. Thank and link back to the giver.

2. Answer the giver’s questions.

3. Nominate five other blogs with fewer than 200 followers.

4. Ask five questions for one’s nominees to answer.

5. Post it on your blog.

 I got the awards from toin, ay, sugarspring and 'feyi Thank you girls so much!!

My own answers is this video, because i was thinking of how i would type it all x_x Lazy much!!

I nominate

- Didi's Zone: I want more guys on this
- Blogoratti: Your posts are always too simple :p
- RareJewelRJ - Come to the bloggers community ;)
- NikkiSho - I just want to know you more
- Lahrah - Just because i can :)

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Dear Father.

I wrote this in my prayer journal after i heard that Goldie died. I decided to share this because i kind of just felt the need to.

  

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                                                                                             15^th Feb, 2013

Dear God,

I know people die everyday. Even when we are not aware at all, all over the world. But its hits you when its someone you can put a name and face  to *sigh*

After death, that’s it. No more trying to live for you, I read “Pray for her soul” and your words clearly says after death judgement? Means there is so much “praying for the soul” that can be done after. They are really gone. Sadly, a lot of people will go back to their lives after this.

I’m not anywhere close to where I want to be in you, so not. This. Is. A. wake. Up. Call.

Please, please. Help me.

I want to confidently write down someday “When you hear I am dead, don’t believe because – then just then will I be more alive- alive in Christ”

I want to confidently write that, please Lord. Everything just seems so insignificant all of a sudden. I want you, I want more of you. Help me.

I don’t care what the world thinks, I want to be all about you. I am all about you, nothing more, nothing less.

Because at the end of the day, the walk with you is a personal walk.

Thank you so very much for the gift of life, Life is indeed a gift because with life there is still hope, hope for an inheritance…Thank you for the opportunity you are giving me again to chase after you and your kingdom.

I am not better. No special talent. I still roll my eyes when I get sent on errands. I still have negative thoughts, I still battle with my flesh, I still judge people, I wrestle with the voice that is contrary to what I believe in my head, I still keep quiet about my faith so people wont say “Your own is too much” I don’t love my neighbor, not to talk of loving them as myself, not like I have a greater measure of grace. I. Am. So. Not. Worthy. But you count me worthy.

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(K)night Walker

In the spirit of Love.

*                                                     *                                              *                                          

I looked into the night sky,
Shining below, the numerous stars and the smiling moon.
I had to walk under this beautiful scene,
I let my legs sink into the sands and with every step, I felt a lot more confident than the last.

Then I saw you, still, staring ahead into the ocean, oblivious of the world.
I envied you, I wanted that,
You turned and looked in my direction,
The unmistakable blue eyes drew me closer.
No words.
You looked and saw my soul

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Random-Rants

Hi.

Happy February 2013. Truthfully, this is not a rant. I don't have a title and i have many random stuff i want to write about and i have one update to give by popular demand (How i got home) from my last post.

Here it goes;

• I am trying to write now, a friend of mine wants to help me get a writing gig and asked me to write something  and i promised to write it today and send it by Tuesday (Which is today because its past 00:00) anyways, after prayer today, i had the perfect story-line-ish to write about, I write better in the middle of the night so i ''postponed'' to my creative hours then...... My Biro stopped working *Sigh* I've gone to everywhere in this house to check for a red or black biro, i didn't find, I. WONT. USE. BLUE. BIRO. (the devil is a liar) *Hot tears* i decided to type directly from my brain, it just never comes out right :( I'm getting a new biro tomorrow, well if i get the money! -_____- 

• Big girls don't cry, Yes. The fact has been established now abi? who is arguing with you? But who said i was a big girl? X__X I cried! Not because i was sad or anything but out of gratitude, and surprise. I went through my blog and realised how personal this blog is, wow! i've really put myself out there on here, but i'm so grateful because i can come back here look back and see how far i have come! i cried.. silent cry that just means "Thank You"

•  Ever been praying about somethings and for some people and you can watch you prayers for other people being answered and you are wondering "Lord, you need to go back and see my request list errmmmm....i also said ask for something(s), why did you skip that part?" Well.... I think i need to have another talk with God. :) 

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I get on my knees...

"Its the 24th and I've spent more time on my knees this year than the whole 2012" - Me

I fall on my knees and ask why?
I fall on my knees to understand why?
I fall on my knees to know why you forsake me?
I fall on my knees to know why everyone else sees it except me?
I fall on my knees!

I fall on my knees to remind you that I waited on you for 3days to give me answers?
I fall on my knees to remind you of what you say.
I fall on my knees to wonder why you let me pick my last money to go seek vague answers.
I fall on my knees to wonder.

I fall on my knees to ask why.
I fall on my knees to ask why I'm different?
I fall on my knees to ask why I am so aware of what seems oblivious to the rest of the world?
I fall on my knees to ask why?
I fall on my knees to ask why its when I consciously handed my life over to you it became harder.
I ask why its when I submitted for directions I got nothing!

I fall on my knees to ask.
I fall on my knees to seek.
I fall on my knees to knock.
I fall on my knees and found.
I fall on my knees and the doors Open.
Where is my "given"?
I fall on my knees to take doubt away.

"Maybe you are speaking through the silence" I console myself, but this silence isn't even loud enough!
I fall on my knees again!
I believe in no one else but you.
You've made me happier in the past few month, I know that wasn't me.
So why then would you make me take steps backward?
I fall on my knees again - I ask - Take it all away!

I fall on my knees to say "I'm sorry"
I fall on my knees to declear my love for you
I fall on my knees to praise you.
I fall on my knees Lord!!!

Once again. Take me as I am and do not let go.

Song that I recently stumbled upon "Praise you in the storm - Casting Crowns"

"I'll praise you in this storm, I would lift my hands. You are who you are, no matter where I am. Every tear I cry, you hold in your hands, you never left my side, though my heart is torn, I'll praise you in this storm"

P.S: I wrote this saturday morning after I discovered that I misplaced 500bucks when I checked my pocket trying to pay for the bus, between wondering how I lost the money and convincing myself I did the right thing by not collecting the money offered to me some 15-20mins ago, it all came crashing on me (Don't ask how I got home) funny how I feel a lot happy now, but I still decided to post this, because, people would read and think your life is a bed of roses, its NOT! This is also a reminder to me that I will always fall, what matters is who I turn to when I fall.

P.p.s: I did not cry on the bus! Whoop whoop. Someday, I will tell the story, my story!

What do you do when it all doesn't make sense? Even when God speaks?

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