... At the foot of the Hill [Psalm 121]

Showing posts with label Drained. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Drained. Show all posts

Dec 30, 2013

Burning Quench


She deeps her feather in the ink of her own tears
Dark, colourless ink, she scribbles.
Screams in the tears, pain in the heart – for every drop,
She writes, for her quench
The burning quench.

With every stroke of the feather – quench
Deep, engulfing quench.
Quench of the thirst.
Quench of the burning.
Burning desire to purpose.
The burning quench – eating up.


She is her and I am she
Screams in each tear, pain with every letter
Letter of the scribble on white.
Dark, colourless ink.
Every letter swallowed, every word gone
With the engulfing flame of the quench.


Silent wind blows, leaving the burning quench fizzle out
I see the smoke, smoke of the tears go up.
It makes a pool in his palms.
She deeps her ink again, scribbling
She is me and I am her.
Red – this time – I scribble.


Red, blood, sweat, tears, more tears.
Tears for the burning quench
Quench, alive – eating everything up on the inside.
Quench, alive.
Quench burning.
Burning quench.


*thump thump* The red beats
Rhythmically , against the white paper
She scribbles, I scribble
About the burning quench, this time.
With the rekindled beat in mind.

Nov 8, 2013

Tears

Hello Everyone,

I am supposed to be away but seemed like everyone did not get what i meant in my last post and people asking me why i've not posted on my blog in a while think i'm just being lazy *side eye Dolapo*

Anyway, I am here now - trying something new - As I will NOT consider myself a poet, I wrote something along those lines and in the next postssss is what you will be seeing so bear with me and my half-baked poetry and while you are bearing, enjoy 

:)

[source]


Drip. Drip. They drop.
Little droplets, not mere drops.
Laced with emotions.
Tears

Expressing the heart. Tears
With every tear. Tears
 Such burdens to bare. Tears
Not even for the care.
Please, stay clear - of me!

In, out, I breathe. Fresh air
The calm, I find.
In every psalm read
My palm to wipe the tear, the tears.

I really didn't need to hear it again
The flood came - at me - again
Emotions.
Burdens.
Cares.
Drip. Drip - again - the tears

The teardrops that teardown
Now, I can't afford a cheer.
This is my burden, I will bare.
Nothing but these tears.

[source]












What do you think? Honest answers please. Thanks!

Have you come to an end of yourself? Have you come to a point where nothing else seems to be working out and you've tried all you could? Click to meet GRACE

Jan 28, 2013

I get on my knees...

"Its the 24th and I've spent more time on my knees this year than the whole 2012" - Me

I fall on my knees and ask why?
I fall on my knees to understand why?
I fall on my knees to know why you forsake me?
I fall on my knees to know why everyone else sees it except me?
I fall on my knees!


I fall on my knees to remind you that I waited on you for 3days to give me answers?
I fall on my knees to remind you of what you say.
I fall on my knees to wonder why you let me pick my last money to go seek vague answers.
I fall on my knees to wonder.


I fall on my knees to ask why.
I fall on my knees to ask why I'm different?
I fall on my knees to ask why I am so aware of what seems oblivious to the rest of the world?
I fall on my knees to ask why?
I fall on my knees to ask why its when I consciously handed my life over to you it became harder.
I ask why its when I submitted for directions I got nothing!

I fall on my knees to ask.
I fall on my knees to seek.
I fall on my knees to knock.
I fall on my knees and found.
I fall on my knees and the doors Open.
Where is my "given"?
I fall on my knees to take doubt away.

"Maybe you are speaking through the silence" I console myself, but this silence isn't even loud enough!
I fall on my knees again!
I believe in no one else but you.
You've made me happier in the past few month, I know that wasn't me.
So why then would you make me take steps backward?
I fall on my knees again - I ask - Take it all away!

I fall on my knees to say "I'm sorry"
I fall on my knees to declear my love for you
I fall on my knees to praise you.
I fall on my knees Lord!!!

Once again. Take me as I am and do not let go.

Song that I recently stumbled upon "Praise you in the storm - Casting Crowns"

"I'll praise you in this storm, I would lift my hands. You are who you are, no matter where I am. Every tear I cry, you hold in your hands, you never left my side, though my heart is torn, I'll praise you in this storm"

P.S: I wrote this saturday morning after I discovered that I misplaced 500bucks when I checked my pocket trying to pay for the bus, between wondering how I lost the money and convincing myself I did the right thing by not collecting the money offered to me some 15-20mins ago, it all came crashing on me (Don't ask how I got home) funny how I feel a lot happy now, but I still decided to post this, because, people would read and think your life is a bed of roses, its NOT! This is also a reminder to me that I will always fall, what matters is who I turn to when I fall.

P.p.s: I did not cry on the bus! Whoop whoop. Someday, I will tell the story, my story!

What do you do when it all doesn't make sense? Even when God speaks?

Dec 27, 2012

Drained

 
 
 

I knew there was something wrong with me, I could not understand. When my mum came to me that afternoon, I was reluctant to give her an answer, she meant well, I understood but I was afraid of them

“what if they make me hurt someone?” I thought

“You have to go and spend time with your uncle, you know right now I cannot really take care of you and your brother” I nodded in agreement.

The trip down to the Ogunyemi’s how was a long one and felt even longer because I didn’t want to be here, but I had their approval. The compound wasn’t too large or too small either, well furnished 3-bedroom apartment, they had 3 beautiful daughters; ages 5, 4 and 1, they warmed up to me quickly, we kicked off the love affair. I helped clean, helped the children with their homework, we played and they left me for a year, just when I thought they were gone then they showed up.

I felt the tap on my thigh that night, I wondered what my aunty wanted at that time of the night. I opened my eyes, I was wrong. They had come for me – Again.

“Its time” she said

All I had to do was hold her hands – I did reluctantly.

The roar of laughter reminded me that it was a reality, I was here again.

“How did you get her out?” The madam asked, directed to the person that brought me.

“The woman of the house travelled, the one that is always praying” she rolled her eyes

“We have been trying to get to you for a year now, but that woman would just not shut up, but now I’m sure you would come to us even after she comes back” she caressed my chin with her hands slowly. I got the message and got in line with the other girls, Listening to how things went down here was very different, I came back here everynight for the next 2 months and with every visit I lost a part of my humanity.

I could feel it drawing closer and closer, it was my turn, time for my mission and I couldn’t mess it up.

“Wait, damola. Why this dress again? She wore it to church last Sunday”

“Yes ma, but she looks so good in it, let her wear it again today”

She looked at lola who is oblivious of the happening around her and was ready for her party, she smiled

“Yes, she does. We are running late anyways, no time to change cloths, Lets go”

I stood there watching them panic

“I don’t know what’s wrong with her, she was fine before we left home” He said touching her head

“this is not the first time this is happening, should we take her to the hospital?”

“Morons, complete morons – don’t you notice its everytime she wears the dress she falls sick?” I thought to myself as I watched them

“let me get a cold cloth so we can dab her head” they nodded in agreement. I felt the smile at the corner of my lips as I turned my back against them.

I watched her lifeless attached to all the wires on the hospital bed, I sat across my aunt looking all worried and I didn’t feel anything, she stood up to pee and I just wanted to strangle the little brat and make my job easier, but then it’s a process, she has been drained.

“she would need blood transfusion, I cant explain but she needs the blood urgently” I overhead the doctor tell my uncle outside the room, I didn’t wait to listen to the rest of the conversation, I didn’t  need to. Things were going on according to plan.

She is awake, she looks weak and she’s smiling. I know she’s still small but can you see the confident smile? Even on the sick bed, she looks special even on the bed, no wonder they wanted her out of the way and I would help them get there.

Grandma was in town, she was going to spend the night with Lola.

We opened the door to the house, the pastor had come to visit, he was about to leave and he started praying; he paused and asked for that dress, when the dress was brought to the living room, he looked at the dress and looked at me and I knew right there that it was over.

I fell to my knees!


**************************************************************************

I'm sorry this is a bit gloomy for this season but this is based on a true-life story and i just wanted to get it all out there before the year is over. Yes, this is my story and i'm the one on the hospital bed and NO this aint a pity party, this is a way of getting to see things from her perspective because i've asked alot recently why someone would want to harm a small child but i came up with nothing and after listening to a sermon from a former witch and she says when people do things that they wont normally do its because there is a force behind it, and yesterday it just came to me to write about it and my sisters would know how touchy i have been since last night when i started, but now? i have more clarity and i'm ready to let it go.

Its the end of the year and i want to drop whatever baggage  is droppable, although there are not much but then, before i started writing this i had no idea i would feel this good after, but i Thank God for laying in my heart to write this.

You know what i learnt to help me forgive easily? Take the walk in their shoes, try and see it from the person's perspective, and know their story and it would even help us to judge people less - I know its helping me!

I would record my video today and bring you some smiles before the end of the year!

Have a wonderful end of  2012