Why is it hard to follow Jesus - @josepheparker

What does it really mean to follow Jesus?

I ask this question to myself almost every time I tend to either find my spirituality in or out of sync with Him. When I’m dancing in tune with the music I sense heaven is playing, there is always a sense of wonder: How do I sustain this? How do I make this last forever? The music almost always stops when I’m suspended in mid-air trying to perform a new “spiritual dance trick.” In my weak state, in my disappointment in the inability to preserve these halo-moments, I stand next to the holiness of God in light of the Scriptures and I break down, literally; weeping on the floor, crying “More!”

At the other end of the spectrum, I find myself doing more of the things I would rather not do; the partaking of my sinful desires and the grand scheme of covering it all up in one giant magical swoosh. These cravings inevitably give me a chance to pause and ponder: Why am I doing this? Why am I enjoying this? I claim to be a Christian. I shout “Lord, Lord!” but I do not do what He says (Luke 6:46.) Sin exposes my true desires and wants and cravings.

Sin is selfish.
It is a “me-first” mentality.
I am in a one-sided relationship with Jesus.
I do what I want, when I want it, and how I want it. Yet, I claim to follow Jesus. But is this what it really means to follow Jesus?

I did not set out to write this post series (in fact, as I write these very words, I doubt if this “book” will ever see the light of the day), but as I wake up every morning, there is a tug within that I can never seem to ignore. Maybe I am scared that I would reveal too much of my sins to the world and I want to do everything in my power to hide them for this is one thing I seem to be good at: hiding my sins. But like cancer, it spreads and immobilises me. Something happened to me when I met Jesus. An inexplicable love had scarred and smeared my heart with a sizzling hot fiery dagger and it has never really remained the same with me. Yet, I still go back to the very things Jesus came to conquer once and for all for me, and for you dear reader.

No matter where you are in your life,
whether you know Jesus or not,
whether you are religious or irreligious,
whether you believe or not,
there is an open door hinged at the end of a very dark room that seems to say, “Come.”

We agree that the church ought to be the followers of Jesus, but that doesn’t mean that we are all in agreement with that. There is so much disagreement in the church today about what it really means to be a follower of Jesus. And it is a really simple concept. Jesus says,“Follow me.”That’s the first thing He says to His disciples: “Follow me and I will make you fishers of men” (Matt. 4:19). And that’s also the last thing he implies to them: “Go and make disciples of all nations…” (Matt. 28:19). He was telling them to go out and make these other followers of Him and “baptise them and teach them to obey everything I have commanded you.”

Now why doesn’t this command work in every area of our lives?

Imagine if you told your son:

“Go clean your room.”

And then a few moments later he comes to you and says,

“Hey dad, I can memorise what you had commanded me. You said ‘Go clean your room.’”

Or he says something along this line,

“Hey dad, I can say ‘Go clean your room in Greek. Listen…’”

Or he tells you how he would gather his friends every week and they were going to do a study on what it would look like if he actually cleaned his room. Now, as a parent, you know that none of those scenarios are going to fly with you. The boy should know better, right? He should buckle up and go clean his room.

Jesus was as black and white as He could get when He gave us the commands of “Follow me” and “Go and make disciples.” He would look at people and say “Why do you call me Lord, when you don’t do what I say?”(Luke 4:46). Why would you call someone your Master and not listen to Him? And He says in Matt. 7:21, “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that does the will of my father who is in heaven.”

In John chapter 6, Jesus said some really difficult words, and this was in front of thousands of people, and when He’s done teaching, everyone leaves except for twelve men. Everyone leaves going, “Arggh, this is some hard teaching, I cannot take that message, I cannot stomach that.” And Jesus looks at the twelve who were left and He asks them a very simple question, “You guys want to leave also?” And then Peter’s reply was very profound and yet simple: “Where are we going to go? You have the keys to eternal life. I know your message is hard, but where are we going to go?”

You think you’re out for this life that is so difficult, then you realise that there is blessing and you have more peace in taking this hard road than going with this wide road that everyone else is going on. And Jesus is at this door, and He says,

“Just take this. Follow me.”

And then you learn that all of the things He is telling you to let go of and walk away from are the things that were going to destroy you anyway.

Joseph blogs here 

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More truths about Tithe @kennykore

Start here to get some perspective

The Bible asks us to rightly divide the word of truth, and take care so that we aren't tossed by every wind of doctrine.

It asks us to prove all truths

Search/Test all spirits

And warned us of false prophets, and ANOTHER GOSPEL.

How do you guide your heart if you don't search the scriptures like the Bereans who challenged even Paul in his teachings and went to search for themselves if what he taught was True or false, for which Paul gave them his approval.

Why does feathers quickly get ruffled this days?
Why are we so impatient with anything that isn't consistent with our theology, and studying to show ourselves approved is tantamount to opening cans of worms?
Is it that we've become infallible? If Peter could make a mistake, If Paul could make a mistake, can't we too?
Aren't we after all men of like passions with weaknesses and faults?
Didn't scripture say we should earnestly contend for the faith that was entrusted to us?

Where do we get the idea that a minister is only answerable to GOD, hence his word is final?

Does anyone have copyright on the truth?
Didn't the scripture say we know in part and understand in part, and to wait for a future day when perfection would swallow up imperfection?
So why the offence, and the high handedness amongst us?

SHOULDN'T WE ENCOURAGE THAT OUR BELIEVES BE CHALLENGED IF INDEED WE TRUST IT'S INFALLIBLITY?

Why do people act like they're already made perfect in knowledge and understanding?
Why do most elders act like they have already attained, and there is no more pressing on to higher calling to be done?
How come the Elders despise the truth because it's on the lips of youth?
Didn't the bible say," in the mouth of babe's and infants HE has perfected HIS praise?
What is the biblical precedence for the self righteouso and self aggrandisement at the highest echelon of our brethrenhood?

Should we love 'unity' more than we love Jesus?
Should we in a cult like way protect a pseudo peace of a rebellious generation more than we preserve the truth that has been entrusted to us?

It breaks my heart how people rush to defend their ideas about issues like Tithe (considering it a sensitive issue),

But the same people would find humour in a comedian degrading the Precious Name of Jesus, or ridiculing the Word of GOD, right in the venue we call store house/the house of GOD (possibly considering that an issue grace covers).

It is dubious how grace covers almost all other sins (falling short), except the 'sin' of none tithing.

Only GOD indeed can be GOD.

In the final analysis; I BELIEVE THAT WE ARE NOT FREE FROM GIVING, WE ARE FREE IN GIVING.

WE ARE COMPELLED BY LOVE, & FAITH WITHOUT WHICH NO TITHE CAN PLEASE GOD.

‪‎The‬ seal of the Christian soldier
READ YOUR BIBLE, MEDITATE, PRAY, AND OBEY GOD...Kuorire

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More truth about tithe @kennykore

Start here for some perspective...

Do you know that Abraham did not tithe his own riches?
He tithed 10% out of the spoils of war to Melchizedek.

Do you know that Abraham returned 90% of this spoils of war to the king of Sodom, after tithing 10% to Melchizedek the king of Salem?

Do you also know that Abraham didn't think those spoils of war belonged to him?
Because he told the king of Sodom, "... I will accept NOTHING BELONGING TO YOU, not even a thread or the strap of a sandal, so that you will never be able to say, 'I made Abram rich.'

Abraham thought those spoils belonged to the king of Sodom.

Do you know that Abraham was never commanded by GOD to give to the king of Salem, Melchizedek? (It was by choice).

Do you know that Abraham did not become rich after tithing to Melchizedek?
He was already a wealthy man, with slaves etc

Do you know that Abraham didn't tithe to Melchizedek again after that one and only time?

Do you know that if Christians today are tithing according to Abraham, they wouldn't tithe only 10%, they would tithe 100%?

Do you know the Apostles never taught tithe; they taught GIVING willingly or cheerfully.

Giving out of a response to NEED.

Giving out of love?

Giving out of faith?

Do you know that the ways the Apostles raised money in the pioneering church was well documented in the book of Acts... ?
And it wasn't tithe.

Do you know that the Apostles never payed tithe and never collected tithes ?
To pay tithe would mean a return to the Law; to receive tithe would mean you're a Levite?

Do you know the Bible doesn't support the modern believe that it's not our business what our 'MOG's' do?

"Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves.-Matt. 7:15.

Dear friends, do not believe every spirit, BUT TEST THE SPIRITS to see whether they are from GOD, because many false prophets have gone out into the world.

Do you know that Paul called out erring brethren by name, publicly?

Do you know that according to 1 Peter 2:9 WE ARE ALL PRIESTS?

"But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God's special possession, that you may declare the praises of HIM who called you out of darkness into HIS wonderful light.

Do you know that the churches priesthood is not in the order of Levi?

WE ARE NOT SPIRITUAL LEVITES

Jesus our High Priest is the Lion of the tribe of Judah, we are all priest according to His order.

Do we take GOD seriously when HE (GOD) said HE no longer dwells in Temples made with bricks and stones, that HE dwells in our human bodies?

Is our body the Temple of the Living GOD, or was Paul joking when he said GOD now lives inside of us?

So if the store house is the Temple of GOD, could the store house be human bodies, since that's where GOD dwells now, if GOD is to be taken seriously that is?

Jesus in Matt.25:40 "Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine (Temples of GOD), you did for Me.'

Jesus replied, “believe Me, a time is coming when you will worship the Father neither on this mountain nor in Jerusalem. 22 You Samaritans worship what you do not know; we worship what we do know, for salvation is from the Jews. 23 Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the FATHER in the Spirit and in truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the FATHER seeks. 24 GOD is SPIRIT, and HIS worshipers must worship in the Spirit and in truth.”

Are those cathedrals, event halls, hotel venues etc bricks and stones Spirit and truth?

No, True worshippers worship (anywhere. Matt.18:20). The key thing is HOW, (in Spirit and Truth).

The venue of church is you.

AND WE ARE NOT FREE FROM GIVING, WE ARE FREE IN GIVING.

‪#‎what‬ you should know
READ YOUR BIBLE, MEDITATE, PRAY, AND OBEY GOD...Kuorire

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Truth about Tithe @kennykore

Continued from the last post (Please read for better perspective)

‪JEWS‬ DO NOT TITHE TODAY.

They maintain that only Levites have the right to receive tithe of the people.

1.Since their Temple was destroyed by the Romans.

2. No ordained Temple Levite or Priest.

The major factor in fulfilling the laws of tithing does not exist.

*So Jews today have synagogues, and a rabbinic order.

*Many of today's Jewish rabbis are not Levites.

*They use other methods to secure adequate funds with which to operate their religious organizations.

While many Christian ministers today teach that Christians may be in danger of missing salvation itself if they do not pay tithe to the church, Jewish rabbis know that it is biblically improper (actually, it is a blatant disobedience to the laws of the Bible) for anyone to pay or to receive the biblical tithe today. And any minister or ecclesiastical leader who uses the biblical tithe (or any one who pays to a minister the biblical tithe) is a sinner in the eyes of GOD.

Almost all denominations of Christianity have taken portions of the Mosaic Covenant,"Christened them," and added them to the New Covenant. Without being aware of it, this has made most Christians guilty of the whole Mosaic Law, which says TO OFFEND IN ONE IS TO OFFEND IN ALL.-James 2:10.

Mark 2:21-22;“No one sews a patch of unshrunk cloth on an old garment. Otherwise, the new piece will pull away from the old, making the tear worse.
And no one pours new wine into old wineskins. Otherwise, the wine will burst the skins, and both the wine and the wineskins will be ruined.
No, they pour new wine into new wineskins.”

‪Wrong‬‎ belief is unbelief

READ YOUR BIBLE, MEDITATE, PRAY, AND OBEY GOD...Kuorire

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Are you robbing God? or Yourself?

Hello People,

I have followed Kenny kore on facebook for a good part of this year and listened to him a couple of times as well, he posts short messages almost everyday and I regularly share them but this time I kinda want it to have more reach because of this particular message. Its just amazing because its in-line with what I have been learning in Church over the last week. I have broken down the messages into 4 parts which will run over this week. 

Open your heart to learn and study the Word. God bless you!! 

*******************************************************************************

I was not even a teenager when I heard a testimony about how a brother got a miracle gift of a tear rubber car because of his faithfulness to GOD.

I promised myself, and GOD that I would do the same thing, for the same result.

After several years of making that commitment, I still haven't gotten a car I didn't pay for, rather GOD had me give out my first, hard earned, second hand car.

‪How‬ did I get from serving GOD because I wanted a car, to the point where I served GOD by giving a car?

Romans 5:5,"And hope maketh not ashamed; because the LOVE OF GOD IS SHED ABROAD IN OUR HEARTS by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us."

I didn't give out my car out of abundance of money or because I had several cars;

I didn't give the car because I was pestered, cajoled, manipulated, or bullied to;

I gave the car because I felt compelled by the Holy Spirit to.

It was tough to obey, but I did, and I know that even the ability to obey is a gift from GOD, so I have nothing to boast of.

That car was my 'widows mite'.

Luke 21:1-4,"And He looked up and saw the rich putting their gifts into the treasury, and He saw also a certain poor widow putting in two mites.
So He said, “Truly I say to you THAT THIS POOR WIDOW HAS PUT IN MORE THAN ALL; for all these out of their abundance have put in offerings for GOD, but she out of her poverty PUT IN ALL THE LIVELIHOOD THAT SHE HAD.”

‪So‬ somebody asked me if I pay tithe; my 10%.
I answer now by saying NO, I REFUSE TO GIVE GOD 10%, WHEN GOD GAVE ME HIS 100%.

I have given my life to Christ, and that includes my money. ALL OF IT!!!

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of GOD, not by works, so that no one can boast.-Ephesians 2:8-9.

IF WE ARE SAVED BY PAYING TITHES, I CAN ASSURE YOU THAT YOU'LL NEED MORE THAN 10%.

IF PAYING 10% OF OUR INCOME COULD GET US INTO A SAVING COVENANT WITH GOD, JESUS WOULD NOT HAVE TO SHED A DROP OF BLOOD FOR HUMANITY.

A more penetrating study of the Old Testa­ment laws would reveal that NO CHURCH TODAY IS REALLY TITHING in the stoic sense of the word.

The book of Malachai was originally written to Jews and Levites who practiced three (3) types of tithing.

Hence when GOD said in Malachai 3:8,"Will a mere mortal rob GOD? Yet you rob me. "But you ask, 'How are we robbing YOU?' "In TITHES AND OFFERINGS.

Please note the PLURALITY of those words; Tithes and offerings.

The 3 types of tithes:
1. The tithe for the Levites.-Num. 18: 21, 24.

2. The tithe for the feasts/festival.-Deut.14:22-27.

3. The tithe for the poor.-Deut. 14:28, 29.

‪If‬ we practice one out of three tithes, have we stopped robbing GOD??? (sela).

‪‎Why‬ is the tithe for the Levites a MUST and the tithe for the poor is no longer MANDATORY in the same order???

*Proverbs 19:17," If you help the poor, you are lending to the LORD--and HE will repay you!

*Matthew 25:40," "The King will reply, 'Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for Me.'

The danger of playing 'selective' with the Laws of GOD couldn't be stated clearer than in James 2:10;

" FOR WHOEVER KEEPS THE WHOLE LAW AND YET STUMBLES AT JUST ONE POINT IS GUILTY OF BREAKING ALL OF IT."

‪Wrong‬ belief is unbelief
READ YOUR BIBLE, MEDITATE, PRAY, AND OBEY GOD...Kuorire

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''For the first time I prayed out loud'' My God & I with Wale

FH: Tell us about you.

I'm a vibrant, energetic and young boy called Wale. A graduate of Crawford University, lover of Christ because I believe there is no-one like HIM.

FH: When did you give your life to Christ?

That was 2011, at a revival service in my school.

FH: What were the events that led up to making the decision?

Somethings just happen and you don't have explanation for them. Like the word said in Galatians 1:15 - called me by his grace. That was the time I had to surrender all to Him, commit my life to Him fully. The minister was preaching and it felt like it was for me, for the first time I PRAYED OUT LOUD.

FH:  What challenges have you experienced in your walk with God?

A lot, like backsliding, wanting to do those old habits. I use to go out drinking alcohol with my friends before salvation, afterwards, you look weird to them like 'is this guy alright'.

FH: What practical steps did you take to deal with them? 

I was weak then, I lacked orientation let me say; I had no mentor - I felt it was just about living a good life, having good habit basically it was like rule of morality for me. So, it wasn't helping but I had an encounter with a friend who understands walking with God. Now, I deal with them by reading the word, meditating on it. David said my heart is fixed and I'll sing praises to God. I had to be in love with God to be able to fight it. - walking in love.

FH: There are times in our walk where we don't exactly feel top notch, what keeps you going in those times? 

I'm a lover of music, well, have learnt a lot in my walk with God, most especially when you meet people of like mind. The scripture says 'so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend' (Proverbs 27:7) also in Hebrews 3:13, it says 'but exhort one another daily.' I have just gospel music in my archive and not just anyhow gospel music like the owambe type, I listen to those anointed ones that will keep me going like Nathaniel Bassey, Frank Edward, Wale Adenuga, Jesus Culture, Darlene etc
I also listen to messages on the go like Hagin, Kenyon, Adeboye etc, they just get me going.


FH: Alot of Christians out there have the major challenge of dealing with Sin, whats your take on this? and how do you think we can overcome sin?

One of my fav quote in the bible is Romans 12:1-2 "I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God." As well as Matthew 5:48 "Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect"

These quotes serve has my guide in not to sin, also Jesus said "if you love ME then keep my commandments." We claim to love HIM then we should hate sin.

FH: Can you share the most remarkable time/season in your walk with God?

It's this year, I'm enjoying it so much due to the fact that I'm understanding my walk now.

FH: What is your relationship with God like today?

I can't describe it, it's awesome I'll say, I won't want to trade it for anything. I love HIM!

FH: Words of encouragement that you have for people in whatever phase they are in right now? 

Just think of HIS goodness over your life. God said is our shield and great exceeding reward (Gen 15:1)
Lay it at His feet any burden that you may have, just cast all to HIM and relax. Bro Hagin said 'every God's blessings comes with a condition' and that is we must obey HIM!

Wale is a lover of Christ and a thinker. He blogs at 

www.dieulavie.blogspot.com

Do check him out!

God bless you.

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''Was very doubtful I was going to get admitted into school'' My God & I with Temilade

FH: Tell us about you.

My name is Temilade Adefioye, most people call me Temi or Temmy. I'm currently doing my Masters program, I love to read, write, cycle and swim. Most people say I'm a very lovely person and I agree with that 

FH: When did you give your life to Christ?

I gave my life to Christ on September 11, 2000 (not 2011 of the 9/11 saga) 

FH: What were the events that led up to making the decision?

I was a normal teenager in search of a life of love and comfort but at the same time very inquisitive about religion and God. I was attending a church that preached so much about pleasing God and going to heaven. The preaching about the rapture and the second coming scared me a lot and I didn't want to be left behind, the only way out was to give my life to Christ, so I did. 

After then, I just continued living life normally without seeking a deeper relationship with God until I got to a point where I wasn't sure if I was truly born-again. I was attending church services with one of my family friends and on our way to church one day, I told her I wasn't sure if I was born-again, she asked me some basic questions, my answers convinced me that I was and so I sought to have a deeper relationship with God (I wanted to be like Aimee Semple McPherson ) .

FH: What challenges have you experienced in your walk with God?

I have experienced so many challenges in my walk with God. I have experienced situations such as the death of a cousin who I looked up to which made me question the existence of God. I've had to deal with joblessness, frustration and an accident with left me with some scars which made me question the love of God in my life, I have also had to deal with doubts and fears especially with my finance, career, marriage and future.

FH: What practical steps did you take to deal with them? 

With each situation I face, God surrounds me with very good friends, not just good people, but good Christians friends who provide me with support such as prayers and words of comfort. God uses them so many times to direct me to Bible passages and similar situations in their lives they have experienced and came out strong. In addition to my friends, I make it a point of duty to read Christian and inspirational books and listen to gospel music.

So the steps I take in summary-Reading the Bible, surrounding myself with positive people, reading Christian books, listening to gospel music. 

FH: There are times in our walk where we don't exactly feel top notch, what keeps you going in those times? 

I find that most times when I'm really down and absolutely clueless even about what Bible verse to read and which friend to talk to, a song I have listened to in the past begins to play in my head. I think this is the Holy Spirit's way of comforting me. If there are no songs in my head, then what comes to mind could be Bible passages, portions in a book I have read or parts of a conversation I had with someone in the past. 

FH: Alot of Christians out there have the major challenge of dealing with Sin, whats your take on this? and how do you think we can overcome sin?

I think if you don't have a sin, temptation or something negative to deal with, then maybe you have ignored God so much that you don't have that Spirit check any more. Sometimes, it may not be sin you have to deal with, it could be anxiety or doubt. At every point, there is always something to deal with. It may not be very easy, but the only way we can overcome sin is by asking for the help of God promptly. There are times when I've been tempted to do things my way and it has never resulted in any good, but that doesn't mean I will not do it next time, it just means I'm human and I really need the help of God. 

FH: Can you share the most remarkable time/season in your walk with God?

The most remarkable time in my walk with God was when I got admission into the university for my undergraduate course. It was at a time when it was very difficult to get admission into the university in Nigeria, when it was a matter of who you knew. It became particularly difficult for me when I began to learn that most of my mates from secondary school were in their third year in the university and my younger sister was also about finishing secondary school. I could not imagine why I couldn't get into the university because I came out with very good grades in my Secondary certificate examinations. 

It affected me so much that I always got into trouble at home because myself-esteem was going down the hill. I was having a conversation with one of my family friends and she told me about her school, I applied but was very doubtful I was going to get admitted because there was age limit on admission. I was really shocked to find out that as young as I was, I was becoming too old to get into a private school. I prayed about it and God's specific words to me were 'I will restore the years that the locust and the canker worms have eaten' (Joel 2:25-27). At first, I was very doubtful but I got the admission and each step of the way throughout the course, God was with me, for every tough time I faced, there was a word just there to guide and comfort me. At the end of my undergraduate degree, the only thing I could say was that 'He did repay me back!'

FH: What is your relationship with God like today?

My relationship with God today is very wonderful. Though there are times when I still have my lows feel I'm loosing it. With each passing day however, His mercies are renewed to me

FH: Words of encouragement that you have for people in whatever phase they are in right now? 

A number of Bible verses really keep me going these days, I like to link them with each other because I feel they touch every aspect of my life.

When I'm in trouble - Your troubles will go away like water beneath a bridge, and your darkest night will be brighter than noon. You will rest safe and secure, filled with hope and emptied of worry. You will sleep without fear and be greatly respected (Job 11:16-19-Contemporary English Version)

When I'm in doubt - Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will not pass away- Mark 13:31 

When my doubt is getting out of hand - O Lord, you are true to your promises and your words a like silver, purified seven times in a furnace of clay (Psalm12:6-I can't remember the Bible version)

When I doubt God's existence - The fool in his heart says 'There is no God' (Psalm 14:1a-NIV)

I think those are the things that bother me most, when I'm faced with troubles, I remember the first passage and then when I doubt the first passage, I remember the second, when I doubt the second, I remember the third, I get to the peak of my doubt when I doubt God's existence, then I remember the fourth and my strength is renewed.

Temilade is a simple, fun loving, not perfect in any way person. she loves to gist, loves her friends, loves her family, currently loving swimming, but most importantly, she loves God and loves Him more each day. She is not a random person found just about everywhere; she is unique, special and apt for God's purpose. As each day unfolds, God helps her discover who she is in Him as she evolves into who He wants her to be in Him. She knows why she is here on earth-she was created for God's glory, so all the glory returns to God, thank you for making her who she is!

She blogs at: http://temiladeadefioye.blogspot.com/


Have you come to an end of yourself? Have you come to a point where nothing else seems to be working out and you've tried all you could? Click to meet GRACE

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#TruthSeries: Why I don't take alcohol

I sat up on the bed as i heard the constant knocking against the ceramics, the noise filled the atmosphere with the grunts of pain.
I sat still as all the memories just kept flooding in "When will all this end" I said, more out of pity than spite.
We've come a long way to still be spiteful about this. Scenarios upon scenarios came crashing on my shoulders, weight i wasn't ready to carry this midnight. 

The late nights.

The stench.

The endless rants.

The lets-pretend-lastnight-didn't-happen mornings

The promises.

The broken promises.

Time and time again "I will reduce it" was all we heard, if the efforts were obvious, the mirage of the words would have been a little tangible. But, Shadows, we still chasing.

One memory that cannot fade - I came at you like a roaring lion - barking it out at past midnight, my frustrations, my hurt about your other thorn. Wrong timing, i agree. I was hurt.

I'm not even married to you yet I feel cheated and betrayed constantly with every obvious lie. What you think? I'm 12? You raised me smarter than that, you should know better.

The knocking against the ceramics from the next room has not stopped "Why do you do this to yourself" I ask myself. Somethings we never understand but "they" also say the first step to solving a problem is acknowledging the problem right?
How can we work together to solve this problem, if everyone but you sees this as a problem?

Thats why all efforts has been futile all these years, prayers seeming unanswered. 
Then i heard again "Don't blame them when they don't see the problem, the forces working against them are higher. Deal with the forces"(Paraphrased)
 After that i stopped blaming you, stopped resenting, I let it go. 

Then I almost became you. 

I made a mistake once that cost me one of the most important things in my life. For someone that doesn't take alcohol, for a very silly reason I downed more than half a bottle of white wine. 
No, I won't re-tell my misbehavior.  I will only re-tell the most painful part of it. In the midst of my half-conscious misbehavior and not being able to put a filter in my mouth she said to me

"You are just behaving like your father" 

The one sentence that  has ever cut through my very essence, even in the chemically induced state. The pain from the cut brought tears, although I laughed out almost immediately(blame the drink). I've forgiven her.  I never forgot, I never forget. 

My name is S.
And I will never drink anything alcoholic again. 

Have you come to an end of yourself? Have you come to a point where nothing else seems to be working out and you've tried all you could? Click to meet GRACE

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#TruthSeries: Between a rock and a hard place

Hi Everyone,

This is a guest post from my best friend, I know he writes good and i have been begging him for a loooooooooong time to write something for me so i can post here, but mba.

Let me say something about this dude, He has been there for me through the years from SS1- Life as we know it now. We talk alot about everything and anything, i know to take a back seat when he gets a girlfriend and he knows to also take a back seat when i get a boyfriend. We are kinda friends that don't talk everyday but we are as close as ever when we do. Anybody that knows me and doesn't know Sope is my friend doesn't really know me -_____- 

Now, when i got the mail(out of the blue) i was so excited, because this is something we have been dealing with for a while and i so didn't expect this huge step, but either ways i am proud of you dear. Very, and this makes me happy more than you can understand. 

You will get to understand when you read. 

Enjoy.
**                                                                 **                                                                 **

I’ve been promising Tomi since forever that I was going to write a piece to feature on her blog. I have never fulfilled that promise until now. I know she’s forgiven me.

Call me Mo.

And I’m an addict.

Don’t worry, this is not an AA meeting where we all share our stories. You can keep yours, but I feel I should share mine. The first day I picked up a magazine that had nude women in it was in js3. It was some Asian porno mag. I openly rebuked the dude that brought it to evening prep. I was repulsed by the idea of looking at it, and I made that known in no uncertain terms.

I look back and laugh at that day. Who would have imagined that same dude is the one who turned out this way.

But the seed had been planted. All it needed was gentle and subtle watering. A little clip from a friends phone (sneaked into the hostel), a semi-nude photo on a seniors locker, soft-porn magazines…you name it. And the tree grew on me, with or without my knowledge, I can never say. I’m sure this chain of events is not new to anyone who has ever been an addict of any sort. But somehow, the world treats the sin of sex as the greatest sin ever, whereas we are all the same.

Anyways, that’s beside the point.

Back to my story, that was how I got hooked. But I’m a very smart guy, trust me I know. You will never find such on my phone, my laptop or a trace of it anywhere.

Then I graduated and went to Uni, and felt that maybe getting a girlfriend would solve my “addiction”, although I didn’t at that point think it was an addiction. I felt maybe it was a passing phase, you know, American Pie 1-3 told me as much.

So I dated Ore, and she was the most beautiful thing that happened to me at that point. I actually did stop for a while. And I was ecstatic I tell you…so she had cured me! What a fool I was.

It only translated into making out sessions. How I didn’t have sex remains a wonder to me. One of the little pointers that tells me God is still interested in me and that I’m still in his Master plan.

And after almost three years of dating, we broke up, I felt God leading me to do so because at the rate I was going, we might actually have sex. Crazy hun? I know. You ain’t the first person to tell me that.

So I joined a fellowship, and became a church boy. (You just said halleluyah didn’t ya ;)…wait, it gets better). And in one year at the fellowship I was already an assistant head of department! Pastor Mo of God!

I became more prayerful, more involved with the activities, more studying of the Word, more fasting…you know all those things we brethren of the fellowship do.

I was so involved, even Tomi, (at that time, not this new and rebranded Tomi…yeah she is rebranded) complained one time that she felt I was too into “church”, and she wouldn’t agree with some of my actions, but I defended my faith and fellowship seriously.

One would think that my problems with addiction were indeed solved then! How wrong you are.

Let me just quickly say, at the end of the day, all men of God are exactly that: MEN. Only with

the grace of the God do they seem outstanding.

Remove the God-factor; we are all miserably the same.

I think I’ll stop for now. I would continue if Tomi asks me to complete my story.

Yours

Mo.

And by the way Sope, come back to tell the story finish oh.
Wanna read the whole of the story? comment please, me i want. He wants to know that you guys are interested. Thanks :) 

Have you come to an end of yourself? Have you come to a point where nothing else seems to be working out and you've tried all you could? Click to meet GRACE

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#TruthSeries: Lost in Lust

In the winter of 2009, I was travelling to visit a family friend of mine. I planned ahead and made sure I didn’t leave any stone unturned. I bought my ticket ahead of time and planned by bus route. My carry-on was lightly packed and literature for the journey was also set. I was pleased with how well I planned everything to suite me. I felt like a smart university student whose life is on course until I met her. 

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The Process

Lost in the worlds



Worlds of indecision and inefficiency


The vortex is pulling me in


Sucking me in


But then its all the same process


Finding or be found


Lose it all or gain some


The same process


Either way


Living an excuse of a life


You find a way to fight


The suction effect


And at that moment you have won


The battle since you've been born


That moment it's worth the victory


Then you start again


Living that excuse of a life - @edgy_girl

So what do you think? Drop your comments. Thanks

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