Dear God, Father,
Oh, how privileged I am to reach out and call you Father and not in a perfunctory sense, I say it with a deep sense of knowing, with an experiential sense of having walked the path with you as a father.
How do I begin? For days on end, I have considered how to begin this letter to you and what to say. Every song I’ve sang has again inspired me to say more and thank you for more. I am so blessed to have you, especially because you loved me first. Eternity is not enough for me to respond to the depth of your love. Your love overwhelms me and in the words of Graham Kendrick, I say ‘I love the way you father me’.
I know I’ve not always enjoyed this level of relationship with you. For a long time, I was content with bearing your name as my surname and then meeting you for a quick dinner every now and then. I was content with referring all my bills and needs to you and you made sure that my needs were met as good fathers are wont to do. I was comfortable with a simple, 'Hi Dad', 'Good night dad' relationship and when challenges came my way, I was bold to bring them to you and you, dear Father, always came through for me. I always had a new story to tell my friends about how ‘cool’ my dad was. Then one day, I listened to one of my brothers speak about you so intimately and a feeling of deep loss overwhelmed me. He had something I didn’t have. I knew your acts, yes, like the Israelites, but I didn’t know your ways like Moses did (Psalm 103:7). And then, I realised that I wanted more. I sat before you Dad and said to you how sorry I was for all the times I simply made you a solution for my challenges. I desired you, more of you, and as I drew near to you, you drew near to me. And then, it was no longer about my needs, I wanted to make you happy too; I wanted to meet your needs. The beautiful thing I realized about it is that, as I met your needs, my needs were met too.
I will never forget how you taught me that was your original desire - for me to enjoy unbridled access to you. That deeper level of relationship has changed my life, dad. I am everything I am because of your grace and by your Spirit, you express yourself through me so that when I speak sometimes, it is you who speaks through me. People ask me afterwards, is that your dad? You sound like him. What a joy!
You know those many times I have asked you to help me find the words and you said to me, ‘Open your mouth and I will fill it,’ and I found myself speaking wisdom I knew I didn’t have, or saying things I didn’t know previously. How amazing those moments felt. And you said to me, I have been waiting for you to come home. OH, how I wanted to cry for the years I wasted just eating crumbs and having my bills paid as a daughter. I wanted all the years back, to go back and sit down at your feet and listen to your wisdom.
Making time out to know you has changed my life dad, just seeing the world through your eyes gives me a clear advantage. I can’t find the words to explain how you inspire me to do right, like the times you silently whisper, Eloho shut up, you don’t have to be right. You know dad, at first I would go on and do just like I pleased and then I will feel you just go silent and feel your pain as I disregarded your wisdom or grieved your spirit. I remember all the regret I felt from not listening to you in the first place. But when I came back, at any time, you received me with arms wide open. Now, I’m learning to just stay connected to you and to take your instructions. I have no regret, not even one from having obeyed you. In every sphere of life, from academics, my career and goals to my relationships with people, having you in my corner has been most beneficial. I love you Dad, with every instruction, you look at me so lovingly and say, I have loved you with an everlasting love.
I love you Dad, when I think of the price you paid to get me to come to you, I walk tall. Dad, I remember how once you taught me that value comes from the price paid. Hmm, it took the life of your son to pay for my redemption. Now, that is some hefty ransom. Thank you Dad!!! Just thinking about it and celebrating it inspires me to honour you with my body for I bear your mark.
Every time I leave the house, I feel like the daughter of the American President, surrounded by a fleet of Secret Service Agents keeping watch and never losing sight. Dad, I never feel alone, and truly, you promised me that angels will keep watch over me and act as ministering spirits. Dad, they minister to me indeed. All the times I have missed funny happenings by a split second, because you made sure your angels distracted or delayed me. Thank you Dad! Where would I be if you didn’t love me?
Dad, I am grateful for the support you send my way. Sometimes, I may not have even told you how I feel, but you are touched by the feelings of my infirmities and you go ahead of me and get people to pray for me, you leave a burden in their hearts to reach out to me and hug me till I burst into tears. You never miss an opportunity to tell me how much you love me. Recently, I remember being so overwhelmed with regret about a decision I made earlier, I felt I had missed your instruction again, it was painful and heart rending. I was in so much pain. Dad, you went the whole ten yards to get to me. You raised men and women to speak the right words to me without even knowing and for some of them, you told them exactly how I felt. I never walk alone.
My earthly family, my parents, siblings, aunts and uncles, you blessed me with such wealth in family dad. But it’s you, you know me inside out, you knew just what I needed. Writing this today, I really have to thank you for all the people you sent to me. Dad, you simply blessed me with amazing people in my circle, rare blessings in my varying seasons and so randomly too. Looking back at how I met most of them, I wonder how I didn’t see it was you all along. Hahaha! you are a master strategist. And simply because of how freely you have loved me, I am able to go out there and love others. Now, when I have such a cool dad, how can I stay quiet? Why won’t all my colleagues hear about you? Why won’t I introduce myself proudly as your daughter? Dad I can’t help talking about you unabashedly everywhere I go. Now I understand how it felt when my siblings went on and on about you. It was simply because they ‘knew’ you.
I love your grace; it has shown me so much love that I don’t ever want to hurt you. I never want to have you say you are disappointed in me. That will break my heart because of how much you have loved me. Dad, I could go on and on thanking you, but you know the amazing thing about knowing you? It shows that I don’t even need to struggle to please you. You work in me to will and do of your pleasure. So as long as I am connected to you, I can remember what your instructions are and do them. They are all for my good.
Now, I wake up and take on the day because I know who I am and whose I am. My identity is not in doubt. You look into my eyes and tell me I am precious and loved. You will give up nations for me! You whisper into my ears that I am beautiful and that you make all things beautiful in your time. You assure me that you who have begun a good work will be faithful to complete it. I am not moved by any big brothers or sisters telling me what you haven’t said to me, I boldly say to them, my Daddy said I could have it. I know who my daddy is!!!
Dad, much as I want to go on and on about your love for me, I’ll end my letter with a few lines of Graham Kendrick’s song.
If in my foolishness I stray
Returning empty and ashamed
I love the way you father me
Exchanging for my wretchedness
Your radiant robes of righteousness
I love the way you father me
And when I look into your eyes
From deep within my spirit cries
I love the way you father me
Before such love I stand amazed
And ever will through endless days
I love the way You father me
Thank you dad. It’s an honour to be loved by you.
Your daughter,
Eloho
