His Perspective: Why do men cheat?

Earlier today, having a discussion with a good friend, she asked me: “Jay, why do men cheat?”. Out of the blue like that. Wow. Why indeed? This is the question we all seem to want an answer to, so that maybe, just maybe, we can find a solution and our men can keep their eyes inside, and not look to play outside matches.

I was prepared to answer this question, because earlier this week, I had another conversation with a good friend, (oh well, life’s all about conversations isn’t it?), and in her wisdom she told me: “We are all capable of every kind of thing, every good, every bad, no one is exempt. We are all a broken version of the original, the intent of the heart of man is desperately wicked, who can know it”…Indeed, who can?

And then tonight, I’m trying to study the Word, and I open to Proverbs 27:20, I’ll quote the Amplified version so you get a better idea of where my thoughts are leading: “ Sheol (the place of the dead) and Abaddon (the place of destruction) are never satisfied; SO (THE LUST OF) THE EYES OF MAN IS NEVER SATISFIED.” Ha! Yes you cheating son of a gun, you are likened to the Hell and Death! But hold on, just a minute. We all are. All of us.

Now, that verse seems like I’m absolving all men who cheat and will cheat of their sin, moreover the bible has already said their lust can’t be satisfied, right? Right??! It is a tempting thought trust me, but, well, not quite. You see, as going to hell and being dead (in a spiritual manner) is a form of choice and decision, so is the third party, the lust of the eyes of man, a choice and decision. You choose to lust or allow yourself lust over money, drink and women. You choose to forget that you have a beautiful, God-fearing and inspiring wife at home, and decide deep in your heart to run after “ayonge” that can give you 50 Shades of pleasure, YOU CHOOSE! Starting from your thoughts, you choose to allow them go and wander in dangerous territory, and then the seed is sown…the actions will automatically follow.

Ehen, and before we put all the cheating blame on men, lemmi stop you right there: Women cheat. Full stop. I’m not blaming anyone, but a lust for a fruit outside what God said was okay to eat is what put us in this position in the first place. So ALL of us can cheat, forget the societal stereotype that Men are the greatest cheats.

I have fallen prey to these lusts myself. And at the end of the day, I feel horrible, looking back, it was never a worthy choice. Never. I had something better, so why wasn’t it enough?? Because I choose to have a lust…and like all lusts, it can never be satisfied.

So, man or woman, here are my thoughts:

1. First things first, Biko flee from that lust, because if you don’t, it will NEVER be satisfied.

2. Philippians 4:8,  “Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honorable, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.” Think on that beautiful wife, think on the damage it may cause, think about your soul, think, think, think!

As I write to you, I’m thinking of this lovely woman who has caught my heart, who has forgiven me in spite of my mistakes, and I’m praying to God to take away my lust and for it to never resurface, because I want to do right by Him and by her also. I will think of her whenever this temptation wants to arise. Because I CHOOSE to think of her and place her over the lust.

3. Lastly, Romans 12:2 “…but be ye transformed by the renewal of our mind” Renew your mind daily through the Word.

I haven’t had peace all week, but finally my heart knows rest.

Yours,

Mo.

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Birthday Post: Without You

I don't know where i would be without you.

Lover of my soul.

Without you, Lost.

Without you, Worthless.

Without you, Clueless.

Without you, empty.

Without you, dead.

Without you, foolish.

Without you, penniless.

Without you, depressed.

Without you, sad.

Without you, no pen.

Without you, darkness.

what will i do without you?

king of kings.

My Best friend.

I really can't do without you.

I can't live without you.

Awesome Lord,

Wonderful Father.

Creator.

Whats my life without you?

Thank you for sticking with me, even through my unfaithfulness.

I want to always be with you.

I Love you.

Thank you for another year. 

Teach me how you want me to spend it.

This my song dedicated to my Lover!!

I am coming back to give my testimony as i won't be in my church for sunday!!
Started getting gifts from the beginning of the week. I'm still receiving gifts oh. 

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Why Niger

Making my way through the other wanna-be corpers, with my tiny self and people pushing and shoving, I got to the front and traced  “DL” against my name, my head quickly did a mental calculation to mean DELTA, trying to be sure I traced again, this time I got “NG” looking confused now because I had no mental calculation of what or where that meant, with the cold water feeling… Whats a cold water feeling? You know when the day is really cold and you still trying to make yourself warm then someone pours you cold water out of wickedness and you too weak to speak or even retaliate? Yeah! That’s the cold water feeling.

Anyways, I found out that NG means Niger state and from then on without knowing what to expect I blanked out – mentally and I was indifferent about it all, preparation for camp went into full swing and the day finally came, it felt like I jumped out of my life and started watching it in 3D, I was like a walking zombie for the next one week (Its not pretty walahi)

I had absolutely no idea why God dropped me here but somewhere at the back of my mind I knew it was for a purpose and I wrote somethings down that I wanted to achieve before the end  (I wrote about it here) Its one NYSC calendar year already and I can say I got more out of the experience than I set out to.

January was the defining moment for me, with the security issues and subsidy issues in the country, the question then was: Will you go back? You really don’t want to know the number of people that came to my house to give me countless reasons not to go back (Especially Titus) my friends, pastors wife, family friends one-by-one they kept coming to convince me to relocate and for some reason (Now that I think f it, the strength wasn't from me) I stood my grounds, deep inside of me I was worried but I couldn't afford to let it show. My dad still asked me the night before I left when he saw me packing “So, you are going?” I knew they didn't want me to go but they are the kind of people that wont hold you back from whatever you decide to do, so they formed “supporting me” (God bless them for me) Looking back now, I do not regret coming down here.

The Lows

I lived alone and as much as I loved my space, sometimes I wished I wasn’t cooking for myself alone, sometimes I wished I had a friend around I could tell stuff to, don’t get me wrong I had people around me just didn’t have people I could open up to.

The boredom was real and I watched it live. Work started becoming a routine, some stubborn children, Employer wahala, I started getting depressed. Nights upon nights I cried myself to sleep, Everything didn't matter again, I wanted out, not just out of NYSC, Out of life itself, It was 11^th April, 2012. (I wrote about it here.) I thought of ways to end it all, Amidst all the thinking and depression I was wallowing in, I remembered a voice on the other end of the line that said to me “Who would I now talk to” (If you ever read this, it’s a memory I would forever cherish) That pulled me out of my wallowing and reminded me of the people that loved me.

The Highs

I pray this prayer “Dear God, Help me to help people” and it was also one of my goals this one year, although I didn't do what I really really wanted to do but the smiles I got after a class or after ding something for someone was the answer to my prayer. He did help me to help a few people within my capacity and I wouldn't have had it any other way, I was raw tears of Joy and that alone made my year and I whispered “Thank you for answering my prayers”

The not so regular hangout with my peeps was something that lifted my spirit a lot too and am grateful for the people that I met.

Staying alone, Sundays are not the same because there is no mummy to shout-wake you and remind you not to be late to church, I had to choose to go to church, and also be punctual. Church was a whole different experience, maybe because I was going because I really wanted to go or because my goal to build a relationship with God was really genuine, bottom line is it was different and I can say with all the confidence he has given me that I LOVE GOD.

Lessons Learnt

I was talking about passing out with a friend recently and he asked me “So, what are you taking back with you from kontagora” The summary of the answer is a different Tomilola.

The new tomilola:

Loves God

Has sooo much confidence in Christ

Has embraced her flaws and is working on them

Is Happier

Has switched from 80% Sad to 80% Happy

Enjoys reading the Bible (I mean I don’t fall asleep)

Thinks about things a whole lot more

Is really Thankful

Paying more attention t her writing

And I Absolutely Love her!!!!

I am far from perfect but right now i'm contended with everything God has given me and I am very grateful, I am very open to correction and I try to constantly evaluate myself to know my wrongs.

I lost a lot of things during this service year but its all for the better and more importantly I trust God for everything and he is working in places I cannot see.

I am grateful to everyone that I came in contact with during this year and most especially the people that were there for me all through, I don’t have anything to give you but I know God would bless you all for me! Thank you.

And to the people that asked me “Why Niger”, so sorry it took me this long to answer your question but there you have it.

To the people getting their posting and are worried about it, truth is God would never give you more than you can bear. Be open minded and enjoy the experience. The good. The bad. The ugly. The lessons. And Everything.

I am glad I came to Niger state and I feel fulfilled and I wont change the experience for anything else in the world.

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Love and Gratitude

When i read this passage i instantly fell in love with it, because it expressed exactly what i couldn't put into words at the time. Psalm 139(msg)

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A David psalm. GOD, investigate my life; get all the facts firsthand.
I'm an open book to you; even from a distance, you know what I'm thinking. 
 You know when I leave and when I get back; I'm never out of your sight. 
You know everything I'm going to say before I start the first sentence. 
 I look behind me and you're there, then up ahead and you're there, too-- your reassuring presence, coming and going. 
 This is too much, too wonderful-- I can't take it all in! 
 Is there anyplace I can go to avoid your Spirit? to be out of your sight? 
 If I climb to the sky, you're there! If I go underground, you're there! 
If I flew on morning's wings to the far western horizon, 
 You'd find me in a minute-- you're already there waiting! 
 Then I said to myself, "Oh, he even sees me in the dark! At night I'm immersed in the light!" 
 It's a fact: darkness isn't dark to you; night and day, darkness and light, they're all the same to you. 
 Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out; you formed me in my mother's womb. 
 I thank you, High God--you're breathtaking! Body and soul, I am marvelously made! I worship in adoration--what a creation! 
 You know me inside and out, you know every bone in my body; You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, how I was sculpted from nothing into something. 
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth; all the stages of my life were spread out before you, The days of my life all prepared before I'd even lived one day. 
 Your thoughts--how rare, how beautiful! God, I'll never comprehend them! 
 I couldn't even begin to count them-- any more than I could count the sand of the sea. Oh, let me rise in the morning and live always with you! 
 And please, God, do away with wickedness for good! And you murderers--out of here!-- 
 all the men and women who belittle you, God, infatuated with cheap god-imitations. 
See how I hate those who hate you, GOD, see how I loathe all this godless arrogance; 
 I hate it with pure, unadulterated hatred. Your enemies are my enemies! 
 Investigate my life, O God, find out everything about me; Cross-examine and test me, get a clear picture of what I'm about; 

 See for yourself whether I've done anything wrong-- then guide me on the road to eternal life. 

I honestly love God and i cant stop being grateful to him for his promises, his presence, his shoulder, his grace, mercies and for counting me worthy to be part of the living to praise him everyday despite my shortcomings, i feel blessed everyday. 


Lets get our praise on. He is more than worthy!!!


I also want to use this medium to say a huge THANK YOU to everyone that reads everything i write, this blog is as good as a dead zone without you, special thanks to everyone that sent me stories for series of scars, meant alot. The support is soo massive. very very grateful. Mucho Gracias

Love!

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What Matters Most

I have been reading a book over the past 2weeks, Its a day-by-day guide to help discover your life's purpose, this book in many ways than I can explain has helped me deal with things I've been going through these past weeks, something about todays (Day 16) hits me close to home and I felt I should share what I learnt.

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Life is all about Love. God is Love. The most important lesson he wants you to learn on earth is how to love.

"The whole law has been summed up in this command: 'Love others as you love yourself'"

Love should be your top priority, primary objective and greatest ambition. Love is not a good part of your life; its the most important part. Its not enough to say "one of the things I want in life is to be loving" as if its in your top-ten list. Relationships must have priority in your life above everything else. Why? Life without Love is really worthless. Often we act as if relationships are something to be squeezed into our schedule. We talk about "finding" time for our children or "making" time for people in our live. That gives the impression that relationships are just a part of our lives along with many tasks. But God says relationships are what life is all about.

Four of the 10 Commandments deal with our relationship with God while the other Six deal with our relationships with people. But all ten are about relationships! Later, Jesus summarized what matters most to God in two statements: Love God and love people

Matthew 22: 37-40 " You must love the lord your God with all your heart....' This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important 'love your neighbor as yourself' All the other commandments and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments'

Relationships, not achievements or the acquisition of things, are what matters most in life, So who do we allow our relationships get the shorter end of the stick? When our schedule becomes overload, we start skimming relationally, cutting back on giving the time, energy, and attention that loving relationship require. What's most important to God is displaced by what's urgent.

Busyness is a great enemy of relationships. We become preoccupied with making a living, doing work, paying bills, and accomplishing goals as if these tasks are the point of life. They are not. The point of life is learning to love - God and People. Life minus love is Zero.

Why do we make love our priority? Because unlike anything else Love will last forever. Love is eternal.

"These three things continue forever: Faith, hope, and love. And the greatest of these is Love" 1Corinthians 13:13

Love leaves a legacy. How you treated other people, not your wealth or accomplishments, is the most enduring impact you can leave on earth.

"Its not what you do, but how much love you put into it that matters" - Mother Teresa

You never hear anyone on their deathbeds saying "Bring me my diplomas! I want to look at them one more time. Show me my awards, my medals, that gold watch I was given" When life on earth is ending, people don't surround themselves with objects. What we want around us is people - people we love and have relationships with. Wisdom is learning the truth sooner rather than later. Don't wait until you're on your deathbed to figure out nothing matters more.

In heaven God won't say "Tell me about your career, your bank account, and your hobbies" instead he will review how you treated others. When you transfer to eternity all you're taking with you is your character.

The best expression of love is time. The importance of things can be measures by how much time we are willing to invest in them. The more time you give to something, the more you reveal its importance and value to you.

You can make more money, but you can't make more time. When you give someone your time, your giving them a portion of your life that you'll never get back. That's why the greatest gift you can give someone is your time.
Its not enough to "say" relationships are more important; we must prove it by investing time in them

"My children, our love should not be just words and talk; it must be true love, which shows itself in action" IJohn 3: 18

NOTHING can take the place of you time, your ears, your eyes, your attention, your presence in a relationship. The essence of love is NOT what we thing or do or provide for others, but how much of ourselves we give.

The best use of life is love. The best expression of love is time. The best time to love is now.

Dear God, whether I get anything done today, I want to make sure that I spend time loving you and loving other people - because that's what life is all about. I don't want to waste this day.

P.S: Who says the Bible doesn't have all the Answers?

Thanks for stopping by.

Love.

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