256: Abaddon II

Hello There,

Welcome to my short story series - 256, This is part 2 of one I started a week ago click here to read and to check out the rest of the series here

She  lands on the stack of the travel boxes a few steps away from where he stood "I warned you, go to work and leave me in peace"

She stood up and walked up to him again "Leave you in peace? and me? what happens to my own peace of mind"

This time his palm gave a quick response to her question that left her holding her cheek shocked beyond words.
"That's exactly what happens to it" he said and walked out of the room.

Later in the day... 

"is that not too extreme?" She said into her mobile phone

She paused

"I'm not making excuses for him..."

Sigh

"Tola, i've heard you but in all this that you've said you still don't expect me to wake up and leave.."

"do you have have somewhere else you want me to go?"
"I will come and see you during the weekend okay?"
"Thank you dear"
"Bye"

After the call, she sat lost in her thoughts unable to do any work for the day.

***

Bamiro suddenly opened his eyes from his afternoon nap, and looked around frantically, he stood up and hurriedly closed the curtains around the house thinking to send a signal that his visitor wasn't welcome.

It was too late, he was already in and he knew exactly who he was,

"Let me be" he said aloud

The visitor gave out a very mean laugh

"I told you, you will hit her someday"

"What do you want this time?"

"I just came to tell you 'I told you so'"

"What sort of creature are you?"

"Ha ha ha Exactly the one you made me to be"

"Go away you freak!!!"

"Before I do, Shey you slapped her today? You will be worse"

Arrgghhhh Bamiro let out a scream

"I hate you"
"I hate you"

"I hate you" 

He repeated till he couldn't hear himself. 

***

Tiwa could smell the alcohol from the door. Walking into the living room she sees her husband lying shirtless on the couch. She dropped her bags, went back into the living room, tears rolled down her cheeks as she stood and watched his drunk self sleep.

Trying to pick him up with her frail self to no avail, she eventually gave up and went to sleep.

***

She sat up on the bed as she heard the constant knocking against the ceramic, grunts of pain filled the atmosphere. She stood at the door of  the bathroom to see a shadow of who her husband once was. Scenarios upon scenarios just kept coming back.

Their wedding.

Their vows.

His sweet nature.

The slap.

This monster.

Something welled up inside of her, Fear.

At this time, the top ceramic lid of the toilet seat was broken on the floor. The fear enveloped her, so much that she was grounded on the spot. She found her voice, eventually.

"Bami, please stop!" she said trying not to sound pitiful

Hearing her voice, he stopped. Looked back at her with so much intensity then started moving closer to her

"You've decided to show your face, finally!" he said

With fear in her eyes, she started stepping back into the room

"What are you talking about? You're scaring me" Now she had stepped back to the foot of the bed trembling

"You see, I blame you for everything! EVERYTHING!!" He shouted in her face

"Calm down, lets go to bed and talk about this in the morning shall we?" She touched his arm trying to sooth him.

Every word she said angered him, the touch was the height. He threw his hands forward as hard as he could whipping it across her face. The only thing he felt was the sting against his palm. On the other hand, her patience had run thin and without thinking much of it, she pushed him as hard as she could and he landed on the floor of the bathroom.

Amidst sobs, she ran to her dresser, picked her phone and headed for the door of the room, Before she could make it to the front door, he grabbed her and threw her to the ground. She noticed the piece of ceramic in his hand.

"I told you, you will hurt her" The voice floated like a whisper in the room and rage flooded through his body, without a chance to think through his action, he pounced on her. Her pleading screams filled the room, She kicked and kept screaming. He didn't stop till she stopped.

* * *

"Mr Bamiro Oladele, you are under arrest for the murder of your wife Tiwalola Oladele. You have the right to remain silent or anything you say or do will be used against you in the court of law" The uniformed officer said to him in the hospital hallway.

***

Sweat broke out on his forehead just like the previous 119 days, the script was laid out before him, just like it had happened, nothing missing. 

Bamiro shut his eyes, his chained hands over his ears and let out a scream. 

"256! You don start agian?" The warder said as he walked up to his cell and hit the bars as an indication for him to keep it low, knowing he was doing it to no avail, he continued his inspection.

"I didn't do it, You did " Bamiro kept screaming, he didn't care how loud he sounded or who cared to listen, but this 'person' had to hear so he won't keep coming back to him.

***

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256: Abbadon

Hi everyone, 

I meant it when I said I was back :) So, we will continue where we left off in the 256 series, Click Here to find Introduction to the series and Here for the First story in the Series (Cumi) I do hope you enjoy this one. Let me know in the comment box!

The rays of light sipping through the Iron bars was the only source of light Bamiro knew after sunset. Sitting in the corner of the darkness, he flinched as he felt the presence walking into the room. He didn't have a clock but he knew the time, even after 120 days of consistent visits, he never seemed prepared.

Sweat broke out on his forehead just like the previous 119 days, the script was laid out before him, just like it had happened, nothing missing. 

Bamiro shut his eyes, his chained hands over his ears and let out a scream. 

"You don start agian?" The warder said as he walked up to his cell and hit the bars as an indication for him to keep it low, knowing he was doing it to no avail, he continued his inspection.

"I didn't do it" Bamiro kept screaming, he didn't care how loud he sounded or who cared to listen, but this 'person' had to hear so he won't keep coming back to him.

***

Tiwa left home everyday at exactly 7am in order to beat the traffic on her route and get to work in time. This day wasn't any different, she waved at the security guard as she drove into the gate.

"Good Morning" she repeated, greeting everyone as she walked to her desk carrying her laptop in a dark brown leather bag. Dumping her hand bag and laptop bag on her desk, she said a quick prayer, raised her head up and gave a huge sigh as she noticed Ayo walked in the direction of her desk from the corner of her eyes.

"Madame, How are you?"

"I'm fine oh, how far?"

"I dey oh" 

"Just checking on you"

Tiwa smiled and hoped it was genuine, relieved that Ayo turned to go back to her desk, she looks back and hits her with it.

"How is bamiro? How is the Job search?" She asked

"He is fine, Thanks. He is going for interviews and we are trusting God" Ayo placed her right hand on her shoulder as if to comfort her before she walked away 

"It is well ehen" 

The day became busy quickly and she soon forgot about her worries, but soon enough it was close of business, a time she really didn't look forward to. 

***

He sat in the dark, the deafening silence of his living room enhanced the sound of the ticking clock. The rise and fall of Bamiro's chest was all the movement he made in that day, he didn't even move when he heard the horn.

"Don't turn on the light" he said as she walked into the house, If her entire day hadn't been saturated with paper work, tiwa might have been inclined to respond but instead made her way to the bedroom to freshen up.

She made a quick meal, placed on the dining table, informed him about the food and went straight to bed. 

It was half past midnight, just like a programmed robot he stood up from the spot he sat in all day and walked into the bedroom. Listening to her almost silent sobs as he lay down beside her, he drifted into a deep escape. 

*** 

¨Bami¨

¨Bami¨ she carefully tapped her husband till he woke up 

¨What is it?¨ He said finally without any hint of emotions

¨Please sit up I need to talk to you¨

reluctantly obliging he sat up, she took her place next to him and continued

¨Your food was still on the dining table this morning, You didn't eat again?¨

For the first time in a long time, he looked her in the eyes, his brows in a frown

¨Is that why you woke me up? Don't you have somewhere to go?¨

¨Don't be defensive, I just wanted to talk¨ 

¨What would you have me say?¨

¨Anything, Its bad enough that you keep all the emotions inside¨

¨Oh! Its so easy for you to say, Its not your world that came crashing¨

The air in the room got stiff immediately and the tension grew.

¨Ive said that we're in this together¨

¨Are we really? I don't see us both sitting here when you go to work every morning¨

¨So, please don't say 'in this together'¨ he added then stood up heading to the bathroom.

She sat there trying to recover from what she just heard her husband say

¨Bamiro, please lets be reasonable here...¨ She finally found her voice but before she finished her statement, Bamiro stopped on his tracks 

¨So, I am being unreasonable now?¨

¨Will you let me finish?¨

¨Young woman, I am in no mood for all of these this morning¨

This time she stood up, quickly walked up to the front of the bathroom door before he could take another step. 

¨This is the most you've said to me since this incident happened, you will be in the mood o¨ 

But instead of giving her an answer, He pushed her aggressively out of the way.

To be continued...

-

Have you come to an end of yourself? Have you come to a point where nothing else seems to be working out and you've tried all you could? Click to meet GRACE

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256: Cumi

My name is Deborah.
It was my first time. I only needed this time to throw into the ocean what had been an abomination to me previously. Just this one time.

I got caught... 

17, I met and started to experience these specie of human beings. The unsatisfied, the greedy, the perv Specie of the homo sapiens or like my sister will call them "Dirty Old men". I got the occasional winks. "Let me drop you by your house" and all that was fine until it became within close proximity.

18, I started an Internship. First day of work, met with my line manager, supervisor and overall Manager of the Department. It all started with little campaigns as entrusting me with the key to his office, commenting on my innocent look, asking to be his typist in my spare time leading to me earning his Trust - Maybe a little too much, so much that he left a pornographic clip playing in one of his 'Come and stay in my office while I go out' routines and said "Whatever you see there should not leave this Office"

I was wise enough to run before he demanded I do what I saw in the video clip...

I got dragged to the Master...

19, I started my 2nd Internship uncermoniously. On a faithful day, walking into his office to report some work done, He 'pinned' me to the wall in his office. Trying to convince me to kiss him, he placed his hand on his member trying to show me his hard-on.
"Look what you've caused" He said.
I managed to free myself from the 'pin down' without kissing him. Few days later, 2 cute boys and a woman with a protruding belly walked into the office, they were his family but he hadn't been wearing a ring.

"I noticed your countenance dropped when you saw my boys, you didn't do anything. You shouldn't feel bad" was what he said to me when he called me later in the evening.

I was disgusted.

I fell to my knees...

20, Messages going back and forth. I like him, He likes me. He also has a family.

We are not having an affair, we just acknowledge and a couple of flirtatious text messages and calls doesn't do anybody any harm. It was only a matter of time before we took the 'passion' out of the text messages and into reality. It felt good, good enough for me to meet up a 2nd time and a 3rd...

4:00pm Friday, 24th August, 2001

Deb: Hey You.
P: I was just thinking about you
Deb: really? What about?
P: I miss your lips
Deb: hmmm... 
P: Available tomorrow?
Deb: Yes, Time?
P: 6pm. Rm 256. Same place.
Deb: See you Then.
P: :) 
. . .

bang! bang!! 
On the door.
"Are you expecting anyone?" I asked as I stood up to open the door. Once I unbolted the door it flung open and shouts filled the atmosphere.

'Husband snatcher' 
'Useless girl' 
'They' dragged me to this mysterious looking man

I fell to my knees...

I fell to my knees in his presence drowning in the guilt and thought of what will befall me in a minute or 2, he turned his back to 'them' that dragged me down to him after saying something to them that I didn't hear and gradually the shouts died down and you could hear them leave, one after the other. I trembled and still couldn't lift up my head.

I flinched when he tapped me.
"Where are they that accuse you? Has no one condemned you?"

Still confused at what just happened or who this man is "No" I replied

"Neither do I, Go and Sin no more"

I stood up and glanced with curiosity at what he scribbled on the sand

"256"
I looked up at him again and he smiled and said

"I know all"

***Cumi is based on a true life story using John 8:1-11 as a backbone***
What stood out for you?

Have you come to an end of yourself? Have you come to a point where nothing else seems to be working out and you've tried all you could? Click to meet GRACE

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256: The Introduction

Hello People,

How have you all been doing? In my last post I mentioned what I have been up too and what series is coming up next. As I've fallen in Love with doing series x_x 

What's 256 about?

 I've not written short stories in a while and I wanted to challenge myself. 256 is a series of unrelated short stories that just goes from the normal stuff I would write. When I sent my friend to do the art for me I told him "Something dark, different and ofcourse not me" and he came up with the art above and I loved it.

There will be 5 stories (so far) 

256: Akeldama

256: Wormwood

256: Sheol

256: Abaddon

256: Cumi

The Stories that i'm writing some are based on true life stories and some will be fiction, I leave it to you to decide which is which.

(Is it weird that I got all these Titles from the Bible? I think not :D) 

Can you see my chicken handwriting? x_x 

Its amazing that I have only finished "Cumi" but I started "Akeldama" before I even got the idea for Cumi *shrugs* You guessed right 'Cumi' Is coming up first.

Why "256"?

There is nothing special about the number a friend just told me a story and in the middle of the story he mentioned the number and it jumped at me. I told him I would use it to write. Nothing more, nothing less.

Purpose of 256?

When I got the idea, I just wanted it for the thrill but after finishing 'Cumi' I guess I just have to Trust God on however he wants to take the stories. I have not started most of them, so, just like you I am waiting to know the purpose for each of the stories. *shy smile* 

 How long will this run for? 

When I started planning it, I wanted it to run for Feb and then #DearGodLetters  (Which was absolutely Amazing) came up. I guess this will run from March- April and see how it goes.

I really do hope you enjoy it and pick up a lesson or 2 as you read!!

Thanks for dropping by.

'Cumi' will drop by Friday

I'm excited. Please say you are too :) 

Have you come to an end of yourself? Have you come to a point where nothing else seems to be working out and you've tried all you could? Click to meet GRACE

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Father tried to kill me

Tossing and turning through the first watch, father finally got up. Still groggy, hands on his ears trying to block out the voice. The voice spoke again, alert now, he made his way out of the tent he shared with his aged wife, careful not to wake her up.

As if to get a clearer view for the conversation that was about to take place, He knelt. Tears rolling down his wrinkled cheeks he said

"You, Look at the stars and tell me how they will be mine now"
"Why not me?"
"Why Him?"
"Why now?"
"I don't understand"

The pain and heaviness of his heart gushed out in form of tears that didn't measure up to them. Staying on his knees quietly to listen to another instruction. The one that screams back

"That was a Joke!"

But this was no joke, he meant every word. What seemed like a lifetime passed. Still Nothing.
It was almost the end of the second watch, He stood up walked back into the tent quietly and changed his robe.

Walked over to the other tent that occupied the land. There he laid, his bundle of Joy, The seed of his loins, the one that took the reproach away, The first father of nations, now the last.

"Son! Son!" tapping his feet
"Yes father"
"Wake up, we have an offering to give" Said the authoritative voice
"Can I wash up first?"
"No, son. There is no time. Just get up and lets go"

Two of his servants were out waiting for them, everything seemed to be in Order except something. The hanging silence in the between the servants for the missing item.

"Ask him" One nudged the other
"Who knows for Oga this morning?"
"Everything is always radical to him, please, lets just observe today"

They walked in silence for long hours, father was back in the moment, the voice and his instruction

"Take now they son, thine only son Isaac, whom thou Lovest and get thee into the land of moriah: and offer him there for a burnt offering upon one of the mountain which i will tell thee of"
Clenching his fist while looking at the boy walking right beside him. with held back tears he whispered

"Not my will Lord, but yours be done"
2 camp-outs and 48 hours Later, Father stopped on his tracks. Looking far ahead into the mountains then back at his servants

"Wait here, I will proceed with the child, worship and come back to you"
The hanging question on their faces, they didn't ask.

With a puzzled look on his face as they kept walking he asked
"Papa, did you say worship? Where is the lamb for the offering?"
With a reassuring smile on his face
"The one that sends, Provides"
As if to reassure himself
"He provides"

With every step that brought them closer to the mountain his insides screamed "Run"
"Take the boy with you and run the opposite direction"
With every scream from the inside he took a step further towards the mountain

Picked up the wood, one after another, the task that he could've done with his eyes closed seemed like the longest.

"Maybe he will change his mind" he thought
"Let me stall abit"
"But, its a promise from the father. I will trust"

Picked up a piece of cloth and tied it over His son's eyes, tears rolled down the corner of his eyes as he bound him and laid him on the wood to be sacrificed to the one who gave him.

"But papa! I don't understand, I thought you said the sender provides?"
He could feel him trembling as he spoke
"He does, child. He does" With that he raised his knife

"Abraham! Abraham!!" Came the voice
"Do not lay hands on the child, don't do anything to him for now I know that you fear the Lord seeing that you didn't withhold your only son from him"

With his trembling fingers he unhooked the ram from behind him, Looked his son dead in the eyes and said

"He Provides"

*                                                   *                                                                *

Contrary to what everyone will believe, I am very sure there was no awkward silence between Abraham and Isaac on the way from the mountain that day.
Isaac learnt alot of lessons that day as he watched his father that loved him so much give him up to his heavenly father.
He learnt surrender.
He listened to God establish his covenant with his father just because of his obedience to give up his only priceless possession. He was God provide due to this act and definitely learnt to always trust a God that is moved by our faith in him.

God knew Abraham Loved and adored his son but he had to be sure he was still first place in his heart.

In this new year I want us to sincerely ask ourselves what is that one thing or "things" that is taking the place of God in our life, If God asks for it can we give it up just for him?

Say this prayer culled from "Pursuit of God" ~ TW Tozer

"Father, I want to know thee, but my cowardly heart fears to give up its toys. I cannot part with them without bleeding, and I do not try to hide from thee the terror of the parting. I come trembling, but i do come. Please root from my heart all those things which I have cherished so long and which have become a very part of my living self, so that thou mayest enter and dwell there without rival. Then shalt thou make the place of thy feet glorious. Then shall my heart have no need of the sun to shine in it, for thyself wilt be the light of it, and there shall be no night there in Jesus name"


Have you come to an end of yourself? Have you come to a point where nothing else seems to be working out and you've tried all you could? Click to meet GRACE

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Suffering bought Simplicity

[source]

I could write something that is literally mind blowing,
i could use my pen to make you give a standing ovation,
I could use this medium to make you give me a round of applause.
But that would be making it about me, Its not about me.
It has never been about me.

Today, i'm going to be telling you about what brings me to my knees everytime i hear it.
or rather who.
Today, i will be simple.
Just like him.

I wrote a title over 6months ago, but i had no knowledge, the burning desire didn't leave, i wanted to pen down this simplicity.
The simplicity in this relationship.
I carved, searched to increase in knowledge.
but, it just wasn't good enough.
Everything i found couldn't measure up to the message.

Little did i know that, That exactly was the idea behind it.
That it should not be good enough in itself.

I pick up my pen to write, without an idea of what to put down, 2mins later look where we got?
Its him, not me.
Its all in his simplicity.
simplicity in the relationship.
But i've not gotten to the point have i?

Where was i? Yes, It was never enough was it?
The sleepless night buried inside Google, searching.
engrossed in the sounds of various "insights", Listening.
Eyes glued to the letters, reading.
Eyes closed to the world, praying.
Feeling inadequate, guilty.
working to make it enough, striving.

"Pause, wait, stop. Which ever just choose one" He said
I stopped on my tracks and looked back at who spoke.
There he was, bent forward with the huge log on his shoulder,
beaten, despised, blood dripping.
The grief and sorrow on his face was unmistakable,
still with a tenderness in his eyes said
"Then why did i do this?"

I felt ashamed but the power in the atmosphere brought me to my knees.
I wept. This time for Joy.
So, "what do i do now?"
"Rest in my finished works" He replied with a tender smile.



Have you come to an end of yourself? Have you come to a point where nothing else seems to be working out and you've tried all you could? Click to meet GRACE

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#TruthSeries: Lost in Lust

In the winter of 2009, I was travelling to visit a family friend of mine. I planned ahead and made sure I didn’t leave any stone unturned. I bought my ticket ahead of time and planned by bus route. My carry-on was lightly packed and literature for the journey was also set. I was pleased with how well I planned everything to suite me. I felt like a smart university student whose life is on course until I met her. 

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The Seer: Redistribute II

Hello people,

I know, i should've written this for a long time. This is the second part of "Redistribute" and if you missed the first part read it here. Enjoy!

source

The 5000 capacity auditorium is located at the heart of the city, and every week was filled to the brim. Few kilometers around her are residential buildings, office spaces and some of the city's highest administrative offices.

The power of the holy spirit filled the atmosphere

"No man can do this except God be with him" was my first thought as I looked around when I walked in the auditorium.

That was over 5 hours ago.

The screams I expected to hear by now was of people from different works of life, backgrounds and tribes praising God in dance and music.

But I wasn't prepared for what I heard.

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The Seer: Redistribute

The Tag read “Event Manager”, picked it up and wore it with pride.

Hi, My name is Chioma and this was the day my whole life changed, i’m not sure how i got the job, maybe because Bola is the Choir Director, I don’t know, what I do know is, I was excited when I got the call, who wouldn’t have been?

I was just asked to organise the Concert for the Largest church in the City. 

They all sat in a row in the brightly lit room that was my office, the excitement mixed with tension filled the atmosphere, that much you couldn't miss

“This is a big deal for us, and we can’t afford to mess anything up,this event will make us known in this city if we do it right, so lets do what we know how to do best”

That was 6 weeks ago, and here I was standing on the stage checking and double checking details, 

decorations, Check. 

Sound System, Check. 

Transportation, check. 

Sitting arrangement, check.

Lighting, Check. 

Back up power supply, Check. 

Running the rest of  her check list with Dola and everything was looking perfect, wait almost everything.

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The Seer: Beyond the crowd Mentality

google images

Sitting at the table while my mind took flight

This study looks smaller, trying to suck me in?

Every sense at alert

Even notice the ripple at the tail of the housefly that flew by

It spinned, it caught my eyes

Tiny shapes come together to make the world

Dots, trails, long paths

How did I see that far?

Looking closely, it comes alive

Dots trails, long paths leading to the crowd

Did you see that? He just snatched her bag.

I saw past the sellers sweats, she just wanted to make a living

Can you see the tear in the corner of her eye?

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(K)night Walker

In the spirit of Love.

*                                                     *                                              *                                          

I looked into the night sky,
Shining below, the numerous stars and the smiling moon.
I had to walk under this beautiful scene,
I let my legs sink into the sands and with every step, I felt a lot more confident than the last.

Then I saw you, still, staring ahead into the ocean, oblivious of the world.
I envied you, I wanted that,
You turned and looked in my direction,
The unmistakable blue eyes drew me closer.
No words.
You looked and saw my soul

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I Remember

I remember your beautiful all white hair
I remember you selling in the house.
I remember you being a disciplinarian.
I remember you always reading your bible
I remember you ready to give the N5s I asked for.
I remember you being there for us.

I remember you being very quiet.
I remember you always ready to go to church.
I remember your selflessness.
I remember your kind heart.
Then I remember watching you lose your strength.
I remember that you couldn't go to the church again.
I remember they brought holy communion home to you.

I remember you calling me from miles away to come give you your glasses because you couldn't stand
I remember dressing your bed.
I remember how you would prefer to call my name other than anyone elses
I remember you fell really ill that moved from a walker to a wheel chair
I remember having to take your bath for you before I went to school.
I remember how I fed you.
Then you fell, fell off the wheel chair that day.


I remember they took you to the hospital shortly after.
I remember the day we were to go to the hospital to see you.
I remember falling ill in school for the first time.
I remember walking in to see my mum and her friends in the living room looking all gloomy
I remember my dad holding me and telling me "Tomi, things happen for a reason. Grandme is dead"
I remember that's like the first time I experienced real pain.
I remember showing strength.
I remember crying when no-one was looking.

I was 11 and I knew I wasn't going to see you again.
I understood death, for the first time.
I realised that I loved you in ways I couldn't express when you were around.
I still think about you and wonder what life would be like if you were still here.
I know you are resting in the bosom of the Lord.
Its been 11years you left us and you would forever remain in our heart!
We Love you Grandma!

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Why Niger

Making my way through the other wanna-be corpers, with my tiny self and people pushing and shoving, I got to the front and traced  “DL” against my name, my head quickly did a mental calculation to mean DELTA, trying to be sure I traced again, this time I got “NG” looking confused now because I had no mental calculation of what or where that meant, with the cold water feeling… Whats a cold water feeling? You know when the day is really cold and you still trying to make yourself warm then someone pours you cold water out of wickedness and you too weak to speak or even retaliate? Yeah! That’s the cold water feeling.

Anyways, I found out that NG means Niger state and from then on without knowing what to expect I blanked out – mentally and I was indifferent about it all, preparation for camp went into full swing and the day finally came, it felt like I jumped out of my life and started watching it in 3D, I was like a walking zombie for the next one week (Its not pretty walahi)

I had absolutely no idea why God dropped me here but somewhere at the back of my mind I knew it was for a purpose and I wrote somethings down that I wanted to achieve before the end  (I wrote about it here) Its one NYSC calendar year already and I can say I got more out of the experience than I set out to.

January was the defining moment for me, with the security issues and subsidy issues in the country, the question then was: Will you go back? You really don’t want to know the number of people that came to my house to give me countless reasons not to go back (Especially Titus) my friends, pastors wife, family friends one-by-one they kept coming to convince me to relocate and for some reason (Now that I think f it, the strength wasn't from me) I stood my grounds, deep inside of me I was worried but I couldn't afford to let it show. My dad still asked me the night before I left when he saw me packing “So, you are going?” I knew they didn't want me to go but they are the kind of people that wont hold you back from whatever you decide to do, so they formed “supporting me” (God bless them for me) Looking back now, I do not regret coming down here.

The Lows

I lived alone and as much as I loved my space, sometimes I wished I wasn’t cooking for myself alone, sometimes I wished I had a friend around I could tell stuff to, don’t get me wrong I had people around me just didn’t have people I could open up to.

The boredom was real and I watched it live. Work started becoming a routine, some stubborn children, Employer wahala, I started getting depressed. Nights upon nights I cried myself to sleep, Everything didn't matter again, I wanted out, not just out of NYSC, Out of life itself, It was 11^th April, 2012. (I wrote about it here.) I thought of ways to end it all, Amidst all the thinking and depression I was wallowing in, I remembered a voice on the other end of the line that said to me “Who would I now talk to” (If you ever read this, it’s a memory I would forever cherish) That pulled me out of my wallowing and reminded me of the people that loved me.

The Highs

I pray this prayer “Dear God, Help me to help people” and it was also one of my goals this one year, although I didn't do what I really really wanted to do but the smiles I got after a class or after ding something for someone was the answer to my prayer. He did help me to help a few people within my capacity and I wouldn't have had it any other way, I was raw tears of Joy and that alone made my year and I whispered “Thank you for answering my prayers”

The not so regular hangout with my peeps was something that lifted my spirit a lot too and am grateful for the people that I met.

Staying alone, Sundays are not the same because there is no mummy to shout-wake you and remind you not to be late to church, I had to choose to go to church, and also be punctual. Church was a whole different experience, maybe because I was going because I really wanted to go or because my goal to build a relationship with God was really genuine, bottom line is it was different and I can say with all the confidence he has given me that I LOVE GOD.

Lessons Learnt

I was talking about passing out with a friend recently and he asked me “So, what are you taking back with you from kontagora” The summary of the answer is a different Tomilola.

The new tomilola:

Loves God

Has sooo much confidence in Christ

Has embraced her flaws and is working on them

Is Happier

Has switched from 80% Sad to 80% Happy

Enjoys reading the Bible (I mean I don’t fall asleep)

Thinks about things a whole lot more

Is really Thankful

Paying more attention t her writing

And I Absolutely Love her!!!!

I am far from perfect but right now i'm contended with everything God has given me and I am very grateful, I am very open to correction and I try to constantly evaluate myself to know my wrongs.

I lost a lot of things during this service year but its all for the better and more importantly I trust God for everything and he is working in places I cannot see.

I am grateful to everyone that I came in contact with during this year and most especially the people that were there for me all through, I don’t have anything to give you but I know God would bless you all for me! Thank you.

And to the people that asked me “Why Niger”, so sorry it took me this long to answer your question but there you have it.

To the people getting their posting and are worried about it, truth is God would never give you more than you can bear. Be open minded and enjoy the experience. The good. The bad. The ugly. The lessons. And Everything.

I am glad I came to Niger state and I feel fulfilled and I wont change the experience for anything else in the world.

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Tramped: The Flip Side

I want to say a huge Congratulations to my fellow Batch C corpers passing out! Its been a rollercoaster One year and I'm glad its over, may God see us through the next phase!

Now Enjoy the Flip Side! :D Don't forget to drop your comments!

*****************************************
"I made it" I screamed as I got to my finish line, my goal.
Imagine my disappointment when I heard I have to be patient to get my price, my medal.
Did I just hear 279 days? Who are these people and what's with their rule of "growth" before you get a medal you earned?
You just never understand.
* * *
90 days and waiting...
Patiently.
I don't even know where I am, things are put in place for me to know or understand what's going on. As I heard. All in due time.
Till then, I wait. I grow.
* * *
155 days and waiting...
Things are different now "They" finally put it in place.
Wow! I can feel it, its a dark place.
Very dark.
There is liquid too,
I hear a voice, that's the first voice after all these days,
Such a relief, I feel safer now, I'm not alone.
But why is the voice shouting? Or is that a cry?
Why does it make me sad?
* * *
217 days and waiting...
This place is getting tight,
I'm getting tired of this darkness, I hear the same voice often, but why is she always sad? I want to meet her, if only, just to tell her everything would be alright.
I'm becoming impatient,
I kick at the door.
Its excited her more than I expected, she is supposed to be angry, I kick again. This time she warns me to stop, I obey.
Maybe she would let me out earlier on good behaviour.
* * *
279 days and the wait is over
Its happening anytime soon, those doors will open and I will finally meet her and get my medal,
I hope all this wait is worth the price.
* * *
Why are they all gathered around me? Why are you turning me upside down? I let out a scream "Don't you know that hurts?"
Where is she? Where is she?
Beginning to sound like a panic attack, but there she was, they handed me to her, I feel safe.
Yes. If this is the medal I waited for then I can say it was worth the wait.
* * *
The price is worth it, I can say that a million times over, I still don't know where I am but I'm glad there is no more darkness.
There is so much light but I don't care, I recognise the voice, I recognise the safety.
Victory feels good, You should try it.
* * *
Why does she look sad?
Is it because I cannot do things myself - yet? "I'm sorry woman" I really don't like seeing you sad.
Will my smile make you smile? I really can't help it, I have to grow right? But I'm sure I would make up for this sleepless nights I give you - Just give me time
* * *
The lights are out, I don't want to wake her - Again, but I don't feel comfortable. "I've pooed on myself - Again" I let out the cry
This is my only way of letting her know, she always understands.
She is up, I trust her to wake up - Everytime.
I should play a prank on her sometime.
I felt her hands move, I was happy, she was going to relieve me of the mess I made.
But I was wrong, she went for my mouth, how come she got it wrong this time?
I tried to cry out again instead I felt a darkness, a familiar darkness. Just like the one during the wait.
* * *
I can't help myself, I'm only a baby.
I still feel the darkness, then suddenly a light and this man in white, he called himself an angel.
He lifted me.
"Where is she?"
"Does she not love me?"
"Where am I going?"
"Where is this place?"
With a reassuring look in his eyes he said "She loves you,but now I take you to daddy"

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Tramped: Sequel

Where is my Adanna, My Nkem, My Pearl
I thought she was beautiful, I thought she was pure but she is wicked, cruel, deceitful
I refuse to spit out the foul words
Head in my hands, the anguish that plagues my heart
She allowed death to cheat her
People would never understand what I've done, they will blame and call me names but she caused it

I can't go back now
I have already threaded the path
The children must not see, I am the man of the house
Why are they so many
I blame the temptress; she allowed my loins to indulge me
She knew the imperfection I was and still married me and I couldn't refuse her plea to keep them
She held such power

So, I punish her because she is a constant reminder of my Nkem
I start the ritual that I couldn't stop
As I spread out her laps and indulged myself in what laid between
She was soft like her mother and even more perfection
And every time I sought her, the demons inside me urged on
The insidious things I did to the fruit of my loins

The world will never understand, I will always be the guilty one
The senile beast that lived in the world but I had my own battles
They had to know that, they had to understand
She was much more beautiful than the woman that birth her
Her walk, her face, and her food tasted just like my nwanyi oma used to make them

Where has she gone now
I notice her absence again, she has begun to miss our rituals
She must be punished this time around, she thinks I do not notice that she leaves
The house just before I awaken, I never sleep
I want her and I can't hold back, she had the audacity to be my Nkem's replica
She came between us

I notice she is getting bigger just the way Adanna used to when she would come with the dreaded news

Could it be?

She was just as vile then
I cannot take back my actions now, I behold her face and fall to the ground weak
I am a coward I know
It's been two months since she's been gone; it's just as well if she never returns
her younger ones worry and I soothe them, they are too young to understand
and it is just as well

As I lay on my bed that night for once my demons allow me rest

This piece was written by Tinu (@Pulchae) I Love her writing and she blogs here http://pearlpulchae.wordpress.com Do check it out! (Y)

Errrrmmm..... There is going to be a flipside to the story. Watchout! Oya! I don't want to come and hype and not deliver tho'. I'm working on something tho'.

Thanks for stopping by - Again!!! :)

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Tramped

Staring at the full length mirror watching the tears drop from the top of the fleshy arch, I feel it trickle to the bottom.
I hate you.
I now have C-cups, what happened to me beautiful B-cups?
My eyes are swollen, not from crying, all thanks to you. I can't even see those pretty legs of mine.
And my curves? I don't even want to talk about it.
You have taken my youth away. Well I gave you the power, I can only blame myself.
Right here I feel it, or do you make me pee on myself too? Or you just ready to show your face?
I don't want to know the answer to that, Let me call my sister.

I can't tell you the story of how you go here. Too sad.
Too late. You're here already.
The story of the fireworks and magic you hear happens from the first look. I didn't see it.
I look at you and all I see is one that took my youth from me.
All I see is one that made me the talk of the school.
All I see is one that got me pity stares as I walked along the street.
All I see is not you.
You are beautiful but I do not notice.
I'm busy hating you.
Tomorrow, I go to the gym.
Sure! I'ld love to take you along but I'ld drop you by the way.
* * *

Its 4:45am, the gym is by the corner, let's go on a trip first, somewhere far.
But wait! Have I said "I hate you" today?
I'm excited about this journey, let's call it a journey to my youth - Again.
You only follow me half way, I go the rest alone.
Please don't give me that look, its not going to work.
Did Jesus tell you the story of moses?
Okay! This would be similar, only I don't have a basket and there are no lakes around just gutters.

Its 5:30am.
This is half way.
Time to turn back to my youth.
You've done enough damage.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I hear about Silver spoons and some children born with them in their mouth, does the baby come out of the woman with the spoon?
Oh! Its just an expression, I get it now.
Now that I know, if I relate it to myself I would have to ask the question " What does a spoon look like?"
You know what's even sad? Our kid is asking the same question. Not for long.
Before you start to judge me, listen to my story

* * *

Waking up from the heat staring at the clock it 2am and there is no light as usual, moving my brother's leg off mine, I stood up, tip toed over the rest and went outside for fresh air. Staring at the stars, its the only hope I have, I know there has to be an opposite of this suffering.

Gave a heavy sigh just thinking of going back into that house, Its a room apartment, I'm the first child, I'm ashamed to say how many other siblings I have, good I can still count them on my 10 fingers. What was mummy thinking having us all? Gave another sigh thinking about her, she should not have left us, she was the bread winner. There was hope. May her soul rest in peace. I stare at the stars again, I need hope.

Daddy keeps reminding me that I am now the mummy of the house and I have to start doing mummy duties.
I didn't understand the rest of the mummy duties till I felt the tap at 2am.
2am everyday for a week I did mummy duties that I couldn't wash off with a bath in the morning. He disgusted me. I disgusted me. Now, I stood up every 2am.
2am outside the house was my escape from my disgusting reality.
I started sleeping during the day and staying up all night

"You this girl you are getting fatter o" My friend said when she came to see me one evening, I told her how I've been sleeping a lot more and she laughed and teased me some more about it.

* * *

"We have to run some tests to know exactly what's wrong with you" the doctor said and I couldn't imagine bola giving me money again, she only agreed to give me this one because she saw how badly I looked covered up.
I gave a deep sigh

"I honestly don't have money for any test"
Holding the results in my hands, I knew what this meant, the doctor did not have an idea and was wondering why the tears came down, how can I explain to him that I am carrying my fathers child?
The doctor says its a rear case considering the fact that I didn't know for the first 6months, I just sat there through the rest of his talk about ant-*natal, I thank him for the tests and left.

Its 2am and the cry wakes me up, I can't do this anymore. I put my hands over his mouth to shut him up, then he stopped crying after a while and he stopped moving.
He is getting cold.
I carry him and I feel nothing, I know I don't have the money to take care of him but I didn't mean to make him cold.
Maybe I just didn't know I meant it.
I try not to panic. I stood up, wrapped him up, picked a few of my things and left.

Standing outside with my mistake in hand, I find the nearest dumpstar, dropped him and with tears rolling uncontrollably, I walked away from my mistake - Forever!

**************************************

I have been seeing a lot of pictures of dead abandoned babies recently and it honestly got to me, I kept crying to God for mercy, then I asked myself why? In the process I decided to put myself in different stories and it wasn't a pretty ride. This is just my attempt to get it from their perspective.

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