256: Cumi

My name is Deborah.
It was my first time. I only needed this time to throw into the ocean what had been an abomination to me previously. Just this one time.

I got caught... 

17, I met and started to experience these specie of human beings. The unsatisfied, the greedy, the perv Specie of the homo sapiens or like my sister will call them "Dirty Old men". I got the occasional winks. "Let me drop you by your house" and all that was fine until it became within close proximity.

18, I started an Internship. First day of work, met with my line manager, supervisor and overall Manager of the Department. It all started with little campaigns as entrusting me with the key to his office, commenting on my innocent look, asking to be his typist in my spare time leading to me earning his Trust - Maybe a little too much, so much that he left a pornographic clip playing in one of his 'Come and stay in my office while I go out' routines and said "Whatever you see there should not leave this Office"

I was wise enough to run before he demanded I do what I saw in the video clip...

I got dragged to the Master...

19, I started my 2nd Internship uncermoniously. On a faithful day, walking into his office to report some work done, He 'pinned' me to the wall in his office. Trying to convince me to kiss him, he placed his hand on his member trying to show me his hard-on.
"Look what you've caused" He said.
I managed to free myself from the 'pin down' without kissing him. Few days later, 2 cute boys and a woman with a protruding belly walked into the office, they were his family but he hadn't been wearing a ring.

"I noticed your countenance dropped when you saw my boys, you didn't do anything. You shouldn't feel bad" was what he said to me when he called me later in the evening.

I was disgusted.

I fell to my knees...

20, Messages going back and forth. I like him, He likes me. He also has a family.

We are not having an affair, we just acknowledge and a couple of flirtatious text messages and calls doesn't do anybody any harm. It was only a matter of time before we took the 'passion' out of the text messages and into reality. It felt good, good enough for me to meet up a 2nd time and a 3rd...

4:00pm Friday, 24th August, 2001

Deb: Hey You.
P: I was just thinking about you
Deb: really? What about?
P: I miss your lips
Deb: hmmm... 
P: Available tomorrow?
Deb: Yes, Time?
P: 6pm. Rm 256. Same place.
Deb: See you Then.
P: :) 
. . .

bang! bang!! 
On the door.
"Are you expecting anyone?" I asked as I stood up to open the door. Once I unbolted the door it flung open and shouts filled the atmosphere.

'Husband snatcher' 
'Useless girl' 
'They' dragged me to this mysterious looking man

I fell to my knees...

I fell to my knees in his presence drowning in the guilt and thought of what will befall me in a minute or 2, he turned his back to 'them' that dragged me down to him after saying something to them that I didn't hear and gradually the shouts died down and you could hear them leave, one after the other. I trembled and still couldn't lift up my head.

I flinched when he tapped me.
"Where are they that accuse you? Has no one condemned you?"

Still confused at what just happened or who this man is "No" I replied

"Neither do I, Go and Sin no more"

I stood up and glanced with curiosity at what he scribbled on the sand

"256"
I looked up at him again and he smiled and said

"I know all"

***Cumi is based on a true life story using John 8:1-11 as a backbone***
What stood out for you?

Have you come to an end of yourself? Have you come to a point where nothing else seems to be working out and you've tried all you could? Click to meet GRACE

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Tramped: The Flip Side

I want to say a huge Congratulations to my fellow Batch C corpers passing out! Its been a rollercoaster One year and I'm glad its over, may God see us through the next phase!

Now Enjoy the Flip Side! :D Don't forget to drop your comments!

*****************************************
"I made it" I screamed as I got to my finish line, my goal.
Imagine my disappointment when I heard I have to be patient to get my price, my medal.
Did I just hear 279 days? Who are these people and what's with their rule of "growth" before you get a medal you earned?
You just never understand.
* * *
90 days and waiting...
Patiently.
I don't even know where I am, things are put in place for me to know or understand what's going on. As I heard. All in due time.
Till then, I wait. I grow.
* * *
155 days and waiting...
Things are different now "They" finally put it in place.
Wow! I can feel it, its a dark place.
Very dark.
There is liquid too,
I hear a voice, that's the first voice after all these days,
Such a relief, I feel safer now, I'm not alone.
But why is the voice shouting? Or is that a cry?
Why does it make me sad?
* * *
217 days and waiting...
This place is getting tight,
I'm getting tired of this darkness, I hear the same voice often, but why is she always sad? I want to meet her, if only, just to tell her everything would be alright.
I'm becoming impatient,
I kick at the door.
Its excited her more than I expected, she is supposed to be angry, I kick again. This time she warns me to stop, I obey.
Maybe she would let me out earlier on good behaviour.
* * *
279 days and the wait is over
Its happening anytime soon, those doors will open and I will finally meet her and get my medal,
I hope all this wait is worth the price.
* * *
Why are they all gathered around me? Why are you turning me upside down? I let out a scream "Don't you know that hurts?"
Where is she? Where is she?
Beginning to sound like a panic attack, but there she was, they handed me to her, I feel safe.
Yes. If this is the medal I waited for then I can say it was worth the wait.
* * *
The price is worth it, I can say that a million times over, I still don't know where I am but I'm glad there is no more darkness.
There is so much light but I don't care, I recognise the voice, I recognise the safety.
Victory feels good, You should try it.
* * *
Why does she look sad?
Is it because I cannot do things myself - yet? "I'm sorry woman" I really don't like seeing you sad.
Will my smile make you smile? I really can't help it, I have to grow right? But I'm sure I would make up for this sleepless nights I give you - Just give me time
* * *
The lights are out, I don't want to wake her - Again, but I don't feel comfortable. "I've pooed on myself - Again" I let out the cry
This is my only way of letting her know, she always understands.
She is up, I trust her to wake up - Everytime.
I should play a prank on her sometime.
I felt her hands move, I was happy, she was going to relieve me of the mess I made.
But I was wrong, she went for my mouth, how come she got it wrong this time?
I tried to cry out again instead I felt a darkness, a familiar darkness. Just like the one during the wait.
* * *
I can't help myself, I'm only a baby.
I still feel the darkness, then suddenly a light and this man in white, he called himself an angel.
He lifted me.
"Where is she?"
"Does she not love me?"
"Where am I going?"
"Where is this place?"
With a reassuring look in his eyes he said "She loves you,but now I take you to daddy"

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Tramped: Sequel

Where is my Adanna, My Nkem, My Pearl
I thought she was beautiful, I thought she was pure but she is wicked, cruel, deceitful
I refuse to spit out the foul words
Head in my hands, the anguish that plagues my heart
She allowed death to cheat her
People would never understand what I've done, they will blame and call me names but she caused it

I can't go back now
I have already threaded the path
The children must not see, I am the man of the house
Why are they so many
I blame the temptress; she allowed my loins to indulge me
She knew the imperfection I was and still married me and I couldn't refuse her plea to keep them
She held such power

So, I punish her because she is a constant reminder of my Nkem
I start the ritual that I couldn't stop
As I spread out her laps and indulged myself in what laid between
She was soft like her mother and even more perfection
And every time I sought her, the demons inside me urged on
The insidious things I did to the fruit of my loins

The world will never understand, I will always be the guilty one
The senile beast that lived in the world but I had my own battles
They had to know that, they had to understand
She was much more beautiful than the woman that birth her
Her walk, her face, and her food tasted just like my nwanyi oma used to make them

Where has she gone now
I notice her absence again, she has begun to miss our rituals
She must be punished this time around, she thinks I do not notice that she leaves
The house just before I awaken, I never sleep
I want her and I can't hold back, she had the audacity to be my Nkem's replica
She came between us

I notice she is getting bigger just the way Adanna used to when she would come with the dreaded news

Could it be?

She was just as vile then
I cannot take back my actions now, I behold her face and fall to the ground weak
I am a coward I know
It's been two months since she's been gone; it's just as well if she never returns
her younger ones worry and I soothe them, they are too young to understand
and it is just as well

As I lay on my bed that night for once my demons allow me rest

This piece was written by Tinu (@Pulchae) I Love her writing and she blogs here http://pearlpulchae.wordpress.com Do check it out! (Y)

Errrrmmm..... There is going to be a flipside to the story. Watchout! Oya! I don't want to come and hype and not deliver tho'. I'm working on something tho'.

Thanks for stopping by - Again!!! :)

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Tramped

Staring at the full length mirror watching the tears drop from the top of the fleshy arch, I feel it trickle to the bottom.
I hate you.
I now have C-cups, what happened to me beautiful B-cups?
My eyes are swollen, not from crying, all thanks to you. I can't even see those pretty legs of mine.
And my curves? I don't even want to talk about it.
You have taken my youth away. Well I gave you the power, I can only blame myself.
Right here I feel it, or do you make me pee on myself too? Or you just ready to show your face?
I don't want to know the answer to that, Let me call my sister.

I can't tell you the story of how you go here. Too sad.
Too late. You're here already.
The story of the fireworks and magic you hear happens from the first look. I didn't see it.
I look at you and all I see is one that took my youth from me.
All I see is one that made me the talk of the school.
All I see is one that got me pity stares as I walked along the street.
All I see is not you.
You are beautiful but I do not notice.
I'm busy hating you.
Tomorrow, I go to the gym.
Sure! I'ld love to take you along but I'ld drop you by the way.
* * *

Its 4:45am, the gym is by the corner, let's go on a trip first, somewhere far.
But wait! Have I said "I hate you" today?
I'm excited about this journey, let's call it a journey to my youth - Again.
You only follow me half way, I go the rest alone.
Please don't give me that look, its not going to work.
Did Jesus tell you the story of moses?
Okay! This would be similar, only I don't have a basket and there are no lakes around just gutters.

Its 5:30am.
This is half way.
Time to turn back to my youth.
You've done enough damage.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I hear about Silver spoons and some children born with them in their mouth, does the baby come out of the woman with the spoon?
Oh! Its just an expression, I get it now.
Now that I know, if I relate it to myself I would have to ask the question " What does a spoon look like?"
You know what's even sad? Our kid is asking the same question. Not for long.
Before you start to judge me, listen to my story

* * *

Waking up from the heat staring at the clock it 2am and there is no light as usual, moving my brother's leg off mine, I stood up, tip toed over the rest and went outside for fresh air. Staring at the stars, its the only hope I have, I know there has to be an opposite of this suffering.

Gave a heavy sigh just thinking of going back into that house, Its a room apartment, I'm the first child, I'm ashamed to say how many other siblings I have, good I can still count them on my 10 fingers. What was mummy thinking having us all? Gave another sigh thinking about her, she should not have left us, she was the bread winner. There was hope. May her soul rest in peace. I stare at the stars again, I need hope.

Daddy keeps reminding me that I am now the mummy of the house and I have to start doing mummy duties.
I didn't understand the rest of the mummy duties till I felt the tap at 2am.
2am everyday for a week I did mummy duties that I couldn't wash off with a bath in the morning. He disgusted me. I disgusted me. Now, I stood up every 2am.
2am outside the house was my escape from my disgusting reality.
I started sleeping during the day and staying up all night

"You this girl you are getting fatter o" My friend said when she came to see me one evening, I told her how I've been sleeping a lot more and she laughed and teased me some more about it.

* * *

"We have to run some tests to know exactly what's wrong with you" the doctor said and I couldn't imagine bola giving me money again, she only agreed to give me this one because she saw how badly I looked covered up.
I gave a deep sigh

"I honestly don't have money for any test"
Holding the results in my hands, I knew what this meant, the doctor did not have an idea and was wondering why the tears came down, how can I explain to him that I am carrying my fathers child?
The doctor says its a rear case considering the fact that I didn't know for the first 6months, I just sat there through the rest of his talk about ant-*natal, I thank him for the tests and left.

Its 2am and the cry wakes me up, I can't do this anymore. I put my hands over his mouth to shut him up, then he stopped crying after a while and he stopped moving.
He is getting cold.
I carry him and I feel nothing, I know I don't have the money to take care of him but I didn't mean to make him cold.
Maybe I just didn't know I meant it.
I try not to panic. I stood up, wrapped him up, picked a few of my things and left.

Standing outside with my mistake in hand, I find the nearest dumpstar, dropped him and with tears rolling uncontrollably, I walked away from my mistake - Forever!

**************************************

I have been seeing a lot of pictures of dead abandoned babies recently and it honestly got to me, I kept crying to God for mercy, then I asked myself why? In the process I decided to put myself in different stories and it wasn't a pretty ride. This is just my attempt to get it from their perspective.

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