... At the foot of the Hill [Psalm 121]

Apr 18, 2012

Hold me Now

I am a dreamer and not the "I have a dream" kinda dreamer. I dream like joseph, a lot of times I forget but there are some particular dreams I remember.

Two days ago I took a nap and I had this dream, the content I can't remember but a certain someone held up a bible verse to me
Exodus 7:8-9 then I woke up.

I know my last post said "Stay Positive" and all but it ain't that easy, I can only try as a human in the end I'm not perfect. Last week was a pretty rough week for me so seeing that verse, I just wanted to figure out what was in it for me. It reads...

"The Lord said to moses and Aaron. When pharaoh says to you 'perform a miracle' then say to Aaron, 'Take your staff and throw it down before pharaoh' and it would become a snake"

Before I opened it, I thought it was going to be a straight forward "encouragement verse" but I got more confused "moses" "Aaron" "staff" "snake" "miracles" *phew* then I started thinking about what the meaning could be to me and I was totally blank I got sleepy and it started coming to me. Let's analyse shall we?

There was a man with an ordinary staff in his hands, God knew he would be asked to perform a miracle and told him to drop the staff and it would turn to a snake right? Yeah. Ok.

"He had a staff", not he gave him a staff
"Throw it down" Action
"It would turn to snake" result

So this is how I see it.
We all HAVE something in us that we probably don't know would be of use and the world is there (pharaoh in this case) waiting to see what we have to offer, so we have to act for us to get results. Let's bear in mind that Moses and Aaron did not practice to see the miracle would really happen if they drop the staff, they went and dropped it with faith.

Before now my worry has been what I would do after service, thing is my dad wants me to go for masters and that's not what I want but I'm just scared that what I want may not work out, maybe this verse was all I needed to assure me that he's got me.

So what's my point exactly? Everything we need we have, we just don't know it yet. This is telling us that no matter what we should take the dive with faith, God would DEFINITELY catch us and give us our miracle..

Apr 4, 2012


I knew I was walking home to my death sentence as I held the report sheet that held the collective effort of my second year in secondary school, it read “To repeat jss II”. Hoping I wont meet her, I walked home crying like a baby, oh yeah a baby crying over spilt milk and asking myself the “why” questions, the rustle in the kitchen brought me back to life and reminded me that I was closer to death. Handing over the report and handing watching the calm look on her face, my worst fears came alive. I was going to die that day.
Resting on the red railings with my huge purple bucket in hand coming from the stream, he passed and sneezed “Thunder” I would have ignored like I normally do, but it had gotten to the height, even my junior now calls me the name? Tears in my eyes, head down, I walk away, as always. Oh, how did I get the name? That haunted me for 2years in a new school? Thought you’d never ask.
Fresh from Lagos to Ife, little or zero Yoruba, first test – Yoruba test and I see stuff I cant translate, the only question I seem to understand is “kini Sango ma  fin ja” (what does sango fight with) racking my brain for the translation of the answer from the beginning to almost the end of the test, 5 mins more and I scribbled “Thunder”
If only I knew that, that single act would end my social life in my new school I would have gotten my zero jejeli as against the 1, the Thunderous laughs that came from the class after the teacher asked me to identify myself for writing English in her test and the remaining 2 years of humiliation. If only.
Staring into the dark from my backyard, I can’t actually believe I’m in 300l seriously? With good grades? Wow! It still felt like yesterday hearing those words that still sting
“why did your dad insist you go to secondary school”
“ I warned him”
“you should have gone to primary six”
“you were too young”
“you are leaving that school”
I had never heard my mum use such word on anyone but it came to me anyway and once again I wept like a baby. So would you blame me when I was excited I heard the same mouth say
You know the child you thought couldn’t do good…..”
“you know what I mean right?” Although she didn’t complete her statement, it meant the world, but not for long.

I saw her iron the cloth, my princess-y white gown although I was one, I remember that part, its all blurry from here but I also remember the confession, she had put something in my dress, she was is a witch, she was is family, not my sister. I fell sick, very sick, hospitalized at 1. It was supposed to be my birthday. Did I mention? I remember the Mr Biggs too.
I was so happy with my new relationship until I did not introduce sex. I got reminders of how many girls were ready the shag him and the “you know what to do” statement, and a constant reminder of how his family members preferred his ex-girlfriend. Did I mention I got out? 
Standing here 2007 and watching all the students taking pictures with their folks, it was matriculation day; I wore a gown I was alone with my sister. If only they knew the way to my new school maybe they would’ve come or if only they were not too busy with work. It couldn’t be that I was just a different daughter could it?
July 2000, I was going to be 10years old, very excited I’m sure I kept reminding them about my birthday and how I wanted to celebrate it because I thought it was a tradition to as my elder ones and friends around had theirs, but I got the singing “kosi ina didi nbe” (There is no cooking there) or in my dad’s version “You would celebrate it when you turn 15” didn’t know I was to get used to it till I turned 21, it was God’s grace. I thought I wasn’t different. I thought wrong.
2012 sitting in the dark waiting for me to enter, I feel reluctant because I don’t know what's in store for me, what am I to do with a 12 pages book? A Book that says a lot more than 12 pages. I enter anyway pick up 2012 like it’s a joke, but it’s a book and I'm on page 3 and still clueless, I could always tell a book after reading its first page but not this one. How so? *confused look*
Should I stop reading?
Should I just write my own ending?
Where is the good part of this story?
Would the book even have an ending?

These extracts are pages from previous books, my books, not like I don’t have happy stories to tell but like my sister put it “exorcising the demons”. I’m on a path right now, the “be happy” path and I figured I would have to let all this out to be successful on this path.
A lot of people have probably dealt with situations worse than mine; the end sure justifies the means.  So whats your story? Most importantly what’s your ending? Re-write it if you have to.
P.s:  New motto is “stay happy”
P.p.s: Newer motto is “stay positive”