... At the foot of the Hill [Psalm 121]

Dec 30, 2012


I close the book abruptly and Long for it, the feelings read about in the books, they say "you travel to places you've never been to by reading a book"
This time? The words fly me to where I feel.
The deep longing fills the void.
The deep longing left me asking for more.

Standing beside the "farmer shoes", eyes lost in yours.
The eyes are the mirror to the soul I capture
The eyes revealed the words, the one from the books.
Sucked me in, just like the words. The words of the book.
In 5 seconds I read it all, every word of your eye-book.
The depth of the deep longing shortened.
I Lied, when she asked me "what do you feel?"
I can't lie forever, my reading eyes tells the tale, my tale. But would you read?

You pulled my shirt off, exposed my skin to yours.
Our palms met, the fingers that traced the words of the books. They met.
Intertwined fingers produce words, words.
The words the fingers felt, feels them now.
The trickle of sweat from our longing bodies mix, they feel the words of the books, skin to skin, eye to eye, they write. Their words. Their Language. In a book.
Only understood by fingers that felt, by skin that wrote, by the eyes that traced.

The deep longing, the feel of the eyes, the words of the skin, the trace of the sweat, the tangle of the fingers and the other ONE that know it all, the other ONE that knows the language, the other ONE that understands the soul connect!

This was inspired after reading "the bridges of madison county" tonight. Felt good writing it, hope you enjoyed it? And what do you think?

I also hear you can only genuinely feel this way about someone once in a lifetime. How true? What do you believe?

P.S: I had my video ready but the internet expired for the year x__x so sorrrrrrrrry! Am I forgiven? *puppy eyes* :)

Dec 27, 2012



I knew there was something wrong with me, I could not understand. When my mum came to me that afternoon, I was reluctant to give her an answer, she meant well, I understood but I was afraid of them

“what if they make me hurt someone?” I thought

“You have to go and spend time with your uncle, you know right now I cannot really take care of you and your brother” I nodded in agreement.

The trip down to the Ogunyemi’s how was a long one and felt even longer because I didn’t want to be here, but I had their approval. The compound wasn’t too large or too small either, well furnished 3-bedroom apartment, they had 3 beautiful daughters; ages 5, 4 and 1, they warmed up to me quickly, we kicked off the love affair. I helped clean, helped the children with their homework, we played and they left me for a year, just when I thought they were gone then they showed up.

I felt the tap on my thigh that night, I wondered what my aunty wanted at that time of the night. I opened my eyes, I was wrong. They had come for me – Again.

“Its time” she said

All I had to do was hold her hands – I did reluctantly.

The roar of laughter reminded me that it was a reality, I was here again.

“How did you get her out?” The madam asked, directed to the person that brought me.

“The woman of the house travelled, the one that is always praying” she rolled her eyes

“We have been trying to get to you for a year now, but that woman would just not shut up, but now I’m sure you would come to us even after she comes back” she caressed my chin with her hands slowly. I got the message and got in line with the other girls, Listening to how things went down here was very different, I came back here everynight for the next 2 months and with every visit I lost a part of my humanity.

I could feel it drawing closer and closer, it was my turn, time for my mission and I couldn’t mess it up.

“Wait, damola. Why this dress again? She wore it to church last Sunday”

“Yes ma, but she looks so good in it, let her wear it again today”

She looked at lola who is oblivious of the happening around her and was ready for her party, she smiled

“Yes, she does. We are running late anyways, no time to change cloths, Lets go”

I stood there watching them panic

“I don’t know what’s wrong with her, she was fine before we left home” He said touching her head

“this is not the first time this is happening, should we take her to the hospital?”

“Morons, complete morons – don’t you notice its everytime she wears the dress she falls sick?” I thought to myself as I watched them

“let me get a cold cloth so we can dab her head” they nodded in agreement. I felt the smile at the corner of my lips as I turned my back against them.

I watched her lifeless attached to all the wires on the hospital bed, I sat across my aunt looking all worried and I didn’t feel anything, she stood up to pee and I just wanted to strangle the little brat and make my job easier, but then it’s a process, she has been drained.

“she would need blood transfusion, I cant explain but she needs the blood urgently” I overhead the doctor tell my uncle outside the room, I didn’t wait to listen to the rest of the conversation, I didn’t  need to. Things were going on according to plan.

She is awake, she looks weak and she’s smiling. I know she’s still small but can you see the confident smile? Even on the sick bed, she looks special even on the bed, no wonder they wanted her out of the way and I would help them get there.

Grandma was in town, she was going to spend the night with Lola.

We opened the door to the house, the pastor had come to visit, he was about to leave and he started praying; he paused and asked for that dress, when the dress was brought to the living room, he looked at the dress and looked at me and I knew right there that it was over.

I fell to my knees!


I'm sorry this is a bit gloomy for this season but this is based on a true-life story and i just wanted to get it all out there before the year is over. Yes, this is my story and i'm the one on the hospital bed and NO this aint a pity party, this is a way of getting to see things from her perspective because i've asked alot recently why someone would want to harm a small child but i came up with nothing and after listening to a sermon from a former witch and she says when people do things that they wont normally do its because there is a force behind it, and yesterday it just came to me to write about it and my sisters would know how touchy i have been since last night when i started, but now? i have more clarity and i'm ready to let it go.

Its the end of the year and i want to drop whatever baggage  is droppable, although there are not much but then, before i started writing this i had no idea i would feel this good after, but i Thank God for laying in my heart to write this.

You know what i learnt to help me forgive easily? Take the walk in their shoes, try and see it from the person's perspective, and know their story and it would even help us to judge people less - I know its helping me!

I would record my video today and bring you some smiles before the end of the year!

Have a wonderful end of  2012

Dec 23, 2012

Walks to Remember..

This post is kind of unofficial so pardon me.

I was going through my bible for the night and i was talking to myself and smiling to myself for all that i was reading and the walk of today and it just came to me "Why are you not blogging about this?"

You know i'm blessed right? Alot of people have told me but recently it dawned on me and i'm accepting my blessed status *Pops collar* Please leave me, I'm in my zone right now!

I have an habit of talking to myself, since i started writing my "Dear God" Letters i decided to talk to God instead to myself, do you know how it feels to talk to God like he is so close to you? 

call me daddy's little girl :)

So, what do i do? I take a stroll with a jumbled up head and i come back home with a clearer head, I cry if i have to, i laugh when i feel it, i worship, i give thanks, basically, I offload. You guessed right, I took a stroll today.

This is not a post to say what is making my head all jumbled up, but just one of those times that you look at your tiny self and wonder why God trusts you with so much responsiblilties and you wonder if you would deliver!
Anyways, I walk and talk with God, he calls me daughter, i call him Lord. When i'm done i feel extra good, even better than i felt before i took the walk, You are not sad or indifferent, you are just overwhelmed. 

You know God has a sense of humor? Its hard to explain, you just have to experience that yourself, at the end of this evening i was laughing, he made me laugh! 
I got answers. Where else? His word, and i want to share, it just might help someone.

Haggai 2:9  The new Temple will be more splendid than the old one, and there I will give my people prosperity and peace." The LORD Almighty has spoken. 

Haggai 2:19  Although there is no grain left, and the grapevines, fig trees, pomegranates, and olive trees have not yet produced, yet from now on I will bless you." 

Habakkuk 2:3  Put it in writing, because it is not yet time for it to come true. But the time is coming quickly, and what I show you will come true. It may seem slow in coming, but wait for it; it will certainly take place, and it will not be delayed. 

Gal 6:9  So let us not become tired of doing good; for if we do not give up, the time will come when we will reap the harvest. 

Exo 4:10-12  But Moses said, "No, LORD, don't send me. I have never been a good speaker, and I haven't become one since you began to speak to me. I am a poor speaker, slow and hesitant." 
The LORD said to him, "Who gives man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or dumb? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? It is I, the LORD. 
Now, go! I will help you to speak, and I will tell you what to say." - This one spoke to me the most!

Rom 12:21  Do not let evil defeat you; instead, conquer evil with good. 

Deu 30:19  I am now giving you the choice between life and death, between God's blessing and God's curse, and I call heaven and earth to witness the choice you make. Choose life. 

I really hope this speaks to someone's situation and helps encourage you! 

Happy Holidays

P.S: Update on Vblog, i recorded it on my ipod and we know how apple is associated with stinginess, so i could not edit it and time had just passed and made the video stale, but i promise to make another one before the end of the year, My christmas gift to my followers, hope you will manage it? :D

P.P.S: I deactivated my twitter account for a while because i want to experiment something (Which i cannot say) Sorry, anyways i would be back before you say December :)

Dec 17, 2012

What you deserve.

Clueless, misunderstood, void, with love and gratitude i started the year, it would always be a significant year and those moments in one's life that changes you happened this year.
11-4-12, 29-7-13, 11-11-12, 12-12-12 on these days different things about my life became very clear, i cant go through details of how my year went, not because i can't but i dont really want to cry before the end of this (I know i would) X__X

Anyways, this post is not about me but about the people God used to bring me here.

Firstly, I'm grateful to GOD for counting me worthy to even write this and for humbling me this year, learning through the word daily has been an enormous pleasure, i wont have it another way and i would surrender to you all day, everyday. Thank you Lord.

In no particular order......

Debo Ajayi: This dude right here has answered every of my stupid questions regarding (almost) everything. he has been there for me without judging or excess questions and encourages me to be there for someone else as he is there for me, Thank you for the role you played in my life this 2012. P.S: I wont forget the day at your office, Thanks for your shoulder.

Mosope: I dont know but it seems like roles reversed alittle this year, you were baby and it was such a pleasure and all those talks we have would remain evergreen. I honestly was shocked when you sent me money when NYSC was maltreating us. we've known each other for long and i wont trade us for anything in the world. I Love you, sope even if i dont say it often and btw can you stop calling me your dude? *Rme*

I met and got closer to a few amazing people too...

Kovie: I started following your 31day reset challenge and discovered how much we had in common, Thank you for replying my stupid questions filled mails, its really nice knowing and sharing thoughts with you. Thank you

Tinu: Its a pleasure knowing more about you, Thank you for always checking on me and for trusting me enough to open up to me, means alot.

Ayomiku: I've known you for a while and you were like a school mummy but when you talk to me it doesnt feel that way and i'm glad i got closer to you and Yes i'm rooting for you 100% (You know what i mean) *winks* Thank you for being there for me.

My lovely sisters: I know i was alot cagey about my feelings this year and i'm sorry. I love you guys so much, through it all you understood to an extent and didn't press further. Thanks for keeping me company through those lonely nights in kontagora, Thank you for laughing at my not so funny jokes, the encouragement, and sometimes i practically have to sit beside you to read my blog but you guys support me, Thank you for making yourselves friendly enough for me to even think of coming to tickle you *side eyes Tosin* Yes, i'm coming tomorrow to tickle you :p

Prof Moyosore & Mr Femi: Thank you for speaking to me liek elder brothers and checking up on me from time to time. Meant alot to me, i wont forget. Thank you

Ayo and Tosin: Thank you for always having my back, i know i didnt open up at all but when i think of the fact that i know that you guys are there, it brings a smile to my face. Thanks alot.

Mr Dele: Thank you so much, like really. I def wont forget that you were there for me through the lonely days in kontagora and listening to my small girl rants X_X. Thanks alot for the encouragement too.

Sammy: Despite the circumstances that made us closer, its been a pleasure knowing you, all 100 of you -____- or is it 200? i lost count >_> if i'm counting people to disturb now i can put you on first 5 :p Thank You ''sweetie'' :p

Olasunkanmi: Regardless of the time difference, you'ld respond to my chats, Thank you and its a pleasure getting to know you better.

My Twin Brother: I didn't see you alot this year, but the little time we spent together was awesome. Thanks for not making my birthday this year suck! Love you dear. keep repping us.

Lekan, Esther & Adeoti: Thank you for being such wonderful friends to me. *muah*

Imisioluwa: Regardless of what flashcard reality is shoving in my face, you would always mean a great deal to me, you would always be special to me. Thank you for loving me, Thank you for helping me see the need to grow, Thank you for accepting me, Thank you for keeping company those lonely nights in my room, Thank you for taking care of me. you'd always have a place in my heart. I love you...............!

BlogVille: This blog was a huge part of my 2012. Thanks to all my Old and new followers, readers and fellow bloggers, i cant be grateful enough because frankly this blog is nothing without you guys. Thank you for appreciating and encouraging my writing, means alot!

Thanks to all my friends and family members that i came across this year, please forgive me if i didn't mention name, doesn't make you less important to me. I appreciate your love.

I pray 2013 would be a better year for all of us by Gods grace.

*Disclaimer: No tear was shed during the writing of this piece however we cant assure that the eyes were not clouded


Dec 16, 2012

29 Things you should do this year

I read about this Here on femme Lounge around July or so and i wrote it out in my note pad and i want to share the ones i did and my observations

29. Attend a funeral. It has a way of reminding us that life in finite, and tells us we should     treasure every moment we have on earth.
Checked - I attended 2 funerals this year and i visited a friend that lost her sister and grandma within one week or two weeks. You are really reminded of how short life is and you would get the urge to just do everything before its too late. My condolences go out to those that lost a loved one this year, may God comfort you. 
28. Bath under a waterfall, climb a mountain, or drive through a game reserve. Whatever you do make sure you see nature at its best, like you have never done before.
I was supposed to go to the waterfall in Niger but... but.... i was too lazy to go on that 5hrs journey, so i could not bath under a waterfall, but next year dear tomi thats your birthday present!
27. Be the answer to someone’s prayer and a solution to someone’s problem. Guide the lost stranger, feed the poor, teach the ignorant, serve a sick person breakfast in bed, and maybe give your maid a day off
I THINK i might have been the answer to a few people's prayers this year, being in the north gave me the opportunity to help a few people, wont go into details but i am very glad i was given the opportunity, i would definitely do it over again. did you help someone this year? 
26. Do you have a favorite author, designer, actor or musician? Write a fan letter to all your favorites and send it to them. Some will get it, some never will.
see where i got the idea to write Ted dekker? well now you know, i wrote and i got a reply *doing the happy dance* i want to write another one. overkill? x_x *hums oliver twist*
25. Face your Fears. If you hate crowd then by all means go to a stadium, if you are afraid of having all eyes on you then go to sing at a karaoke bar, and if you are afraid of teddy bears, go to bed with twenty! You will discover that Fear is really what it is – False Evidence Appearing Real!
My fear? talking in front of a crowd and maybe something i've not discovered yet, but then i taught a group of people with so much confidence considering that they were either older than me or looked older than me (i'm small like that -__-) i'm not done with the crowd phobia oh, but i notice the difference + i entered a pool this year! Yaaaay! 
24. Find a reason to throw a party and invite everyone you really want to be there, it could be to celebrate your birthday, or even your break up, or just because it’s another Friday! Have fun being celebrated.
i nor throw any parry oh... i dont like throwing or attending parties - even for the rice -__- i would rather have a party for one... or two *coughs*
23. Find your passion and be involved in a cause. Donate your time, money or even blood. Volunteer with organizations working in that field and help spread the word too.
Still searching................. Know any orphanage i can volunteer? get at me. Thanks :)
22. Forgive someone. Make a deliberate decision to forgive someone that had hurt you in the past, let go of your pain and bitterness, whether the person is sober or not.
I forgave myself. i forgave myself for wanting to depriving myself of this beautiful life God gave me, I forgave myself for my failures, I forgave myself for my mistakes, i forgave myself for the hurt i've cost me. admitting it wasn't easy but it was worth it. 
21. Have a junk food day! Spend a whole day eating all the junk food you love without feeling guilty.
oh! Yessss... This was fun, i shouldnt tell you, you know that already. i Love burgers any type well except its from KFC *rme*, i love taking myself out, i'm not expensive at all, one burger and a bottle of water and the girl is good. what would you eat if you had a junk food day?
20. Keep a gratitude journal. Don’t be carried away by your never ending to do lists. Take time out to count your blessings and be grateful to life for every progress you make
I've kept a gratitude Journal actively since the 8th of August, i just list all that i'm grateful for, for the day. It just helps reflect on the day and count your blessings and you definitely be reminded of how the little things count.
19. Learn not to say yes when you what you want to say is really no. Say what you mean and mean what you say.
I TRIED to do this, but some people you just cant hurt them, for example how would you tell someone that calls you alot that his calls disturb you? knowing that he just calls to check on you. you feel me?
18. Learn something new. Salsa dance, how to make apple pie or even how to speak Spanish. Add a new knowledge to yourself and meet other people who share the same interest.
I picked up Spanish. I'm still learning sha, dont let me scatter ground here with my naija-polished Spanish *pops collar*
17. Love yourself, Love others too. Don’t hold back all you can give and be to yourself and to others. Love without fear.
This struck me so deep and i took it as a challenge, its hard but its possible and i'm learning and i constantly caution myself when my mind want to start saying "not loving" people, especially random people on the street. 
16. Listen to elderly people’s story of what life was like when they were younger; let them tell you about their regrets and victories, and what they would do differently if they have a new shot at life.
I sat next to my pastor's wife on my way to one of the burials i attended and within the short period we talked i had learnt alot from her regrets and things she said she could have done differently and ofcourse right now i would be stupid to make that type of mistake. 
I made friends with older people alot more this year, its not that i dont  have people in my age group but i just feel good around people that can talk to me honestly, without judgement and with plenty maturity.
i think older people are closer to the grave so they don't have time for nonsense, so no idle talk, when its work, its work, when its play, its play.
15. Make a collection of everything you love in a scrap book. Insert picture of your favorite actress, your favorite chocolate wrapper, a ribbon from your old sexy lingerie and even your favorite bible passage.
I did this too, it was fun cutting up old newspaper, magazines and pictures. Speaking of which, i should update the scrap book. i recommend it for any girly girl that has plenty time and needs personal in-expensive fun!
14. Make a list of all those who have touched your live positively and you will be really surprised how long the list could be. Send them a mail, a text or postcards to appreciate them.
I've done the first part of this, but why have i not gotten to sending the mails? x_x
13. Make friends with children, learn to communicate with them and understand what makes them tick. Experience what life is like in their world of possibilities.
This one was funny and hard work mhen! i asked myself again "Do you want children?" your ears would almost wear out from stories, this 10 year old girl i met recently is a talkative chai, she can talk for africe, we spent 1-2hrs together that day and she had told me about home, friends from the neighbourhood, friends from school and their silly fights. i smiled through it all, i was genuinely interested and i just wanted to got back to being a kid when all i worried about was why mummy wont let me go out to play *sigh* growing up sucks, to think that i've not even "grown" up *hot tears*
me: What do you want to be in future
random small boy: I want to be a footballer
me: why?
random small boy: Because they have plenty money and i want to drive big big cars
me: o_o 

12. Make new friends and stay in touch with old ones. Get connected with a childhood friend that you haven’t seen in a long time and visit her.
I tired my best, connected, re-connected and dis-connected from some childhood friends this year, it was nice while it lasted - again :)
11. Plant a flower or vegetable, in a garden, at your backyard or in a jar. Nurse it and watch how it changes from a seedling to a full grown plant.
Plant gini? who get time? (sorry Tobi, im not insulting your garden) Next!!
10. Put on your best clothes, have a makeup done on you and have a photo shoot. You know how you admire models in magazines and try out different poses in front of a mirror? Now go do it without inhibitions, express yourself before a camera.
I wanted to mix this abit, dress up, make-up go to a bar a meet random people, but who get liver? You? Try it for both of us. :)
9. Reflect on your greatest weakness, and your greatest strength and how they can make you a better person.
Hard but one of the best things to do, i didnt even bother with the strengths much because thinking about them may make my head over swell, so i reflected on my weakness without being hard on myself to see how i can make me a better person and i do like evaluation and make mental notes of where i'm falling short. Hard work - i know, but its worth it!
8. Re-visit your favorite childhood books, movies and music. What really made you tick when you were younger?
where are we, the yankees? that you wee be having fav childhood books or movies or music? is it just me? *Looks around* NOOOOOO... I cant possibly be the only one naa! did you have any favorite childhood anything? 
I remember now, i had one fav Tyre rim, yes RIM *rme* that i always rolled around and pet sef *smh* x_x it was a long time ago naa, dont judge a sisteh, yes the razzness started from back then. #RazzandProud dont loud it!
7. Send a message to an unknown person. Write something, put it in a bottle, close it and throw it in the ocean, hoping someone, someday will get it.
Bottle ko, bottle ni *rme*
6.Sleep under the stars. When was the last time you look at the sky and marvel at the beauty? Spend a night looking at the stars and sleep off while admiring the sky.
Sleep under the sky in nigeria? better have more than one can of baygon. I marveled at the beauty of the stars and moon every night in kontagora, that place just had a way of bringing it all to your attention. Its really beautiful but biko i cannot sleep, forgive me!
5. So what if you get lost? You will find you way again! Throw the map out and go on a drive in an area near you that you don’t know well, explore the area and figure out how it’s all connected till you find your way again.
And get kidnapped? Nahh........ I'd pass!
4. Spend a day at the beach with your loved ones. Run, swim, eat, laugh and build an elaborate sand castle.
I'm still waiting for the day this one will happen x_x
3. Spice up your sexual life. Take a break from the old routines. Try out new and daring things in your sexual life.
*Coughs* #TeamAbstain here. Thanks!
2. Take a vacation from the world. Switch off your phones, log off the internet, and spend time alone with yourself doing the things you love.
I'm so looking forward to this, i guess its more recommended to people with a busy and crazy life, and i know my life would get busy and crazy soon, then i wee now take a well deserved break, but now i have not earned any vacation.
1. Talk to God. You might not fully understand the role He plays in your life, or what He really expects from you, maybe it’s time to unravel the mystery, talk to Him and listen to Him.
Saving the best for last :D The best decision i made this year was to talk to God more, i mean talk not pray, prayer is different, i adopted the "Dear God"  style and i write them down when i can or just talk like God is sitting next to me, well technically he is :) Its fun and there is a peace that washes over you after and "offloading" it all on him! feels good!

This is really long, hope i didnt bore you out before the end, what are the things you did this year that was memorable tell me, i'm interested! Thanks.
P.S: I'm editting my next vblog. :D Soon soon.
P.P.S: My sister now blogs, Check her out Here Its a gardening blog, i'm sure you'ld like it. Thanks

Nov 27, 2012

I Remember

I remember your beautiful all white hair
I remember you selling in the house.
I remember you being a disciplinarian.
I remember you always reading your bible
I remember you ready to give the N5s I asked for.
I remember you being there for us.

I remember you being very quiet.
I remember you always ready to go to church.
I remember your selflessness.
I remember your kind heart.
Then I remember watching you lose your strength.
I remember that you couldn't go to the church again.
I remember they brought holy communion home to you.

I remember you calling me from miles away to come give you your glasses because you couldn't stand
I remember dressing your bed.
I remember how you would prefer to call my name other than anyone elses
I remember you fell really ill that moved from a walker to a wheel chair
I remember having to take your bath for you before I went to school.
I remember how I fed you.
Then you fell, fell off the wheel chair that day.

I remember they took you to the hospital shortly after.
I remember the day we were to go to the hospital to see you.
I remember falling ill in school for the first time.
I remember walking in to see my mum and her friends in the living room looking all gloomy
I remember my dad holding me and telling me "Tomi, things happen for a reason. Grandme is dead"
I remember that's like the first time I experienced real pain.
I remember showing strength.
I remember crying when no-one was looking.

I was 11 and I knew I wasn't going to see you again.
I understood death, for the first time.
I realised that I loved you in ways I couldn't express when you were around.
I still think about you and wonder what life would be like if you were still here.
I know you are resting in the bosom of the Lord.
Its been 11years you left us and you would forever remain in our heart!
We Love you Grandma!

Nov 23, 2012

Introduction - VBlog

Okay! So, This is my first video, Please, Accept my Crappy edit. Hopefully i would get better with time.

I am shhhhyyyyy X__X Enjoy

Please, Let me know what you think!!!

Nov 19, 2012


Hi Everyone,

So sorry its taking so long to update my blog and No I don't have writers block or whatever that is called -_-

Recently, I went to explore my area to look for a comfortable outdoor place to work on that "taking writing seriously" thing I talked about previously, I found this water front (picture above) but the preying eyes of the people in the neighbourhood, looking at me like they've never seen half-cast before *whips afro*
I hope I can go back there sha, its a very serene place to have your head right.

I've had so much stuff to say recently but its just how to put it down, let's blame mr Lazy for this,
Plus I didn't want to put up another random post.

A few weeks back I went to see my sister and I was jokingly making a video of interviewing her and I loved it, so I signed up for you-tube and I thought I should add that to this blog, where I just interview people randomly (once in a while) my friends, new people I met, my sisters and all of that sha.

I want to start with myself, I've employed my younger sister to do the interview, just wanted to ask first, do you like the idea?

You would get to hear my voice oh *winks*

Welcome idea? Please comment. Thanksssssss *muah*

P.s: In the past 2 weeks I have done 2 things for myself and it felt soooooo gooood. Do something for yourself today!!! (Y)

Nov 4, 2012


"Never is a man as tall as when he bends to help someone"

Hi everyone,

Been a while. Happy New month!

Disclaimer: This is a very random post because I don't have anything to post now x_x My thoughts have been all over the place, so don't be disappointed. :D

Random 1: I was walking along the street with my friend to her house, we got to the junction linking 3 roads (Orita meta) and we saw sacrifice, like eko and palmoil and all that kinda stuff we see on afmag yoruba, People it is real o, no flim trick! I just opened my mouth and what escaped was "So people still do this?" Like is the world not eye opened enough?

Btw, if you are reading this and you do it, ever wondered why its still there in the morning? Well because they don't eat it duuuhhh!!!! #EnoughSaid

Random 2: HAVE YOU SEEN SHAKE YOUR BUM BUM video (Timaya)?? Yes! I'm shouting!!!! Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!! Okay!!!! (I just saw it, I'm stale like that) That's how my mouth was open from the beginning to the end of the video!

Errmmm plus he had to just say "I'm still on the bum bum" *Side eye* I just started laughing after hearing that!

Then wande coal's video where they were naked? Who cares about the name of the song? But what's wrong with us? I'm disgusted abeg! Oya! I'm drinking cold water already :D

Random 3: I wrote a fan mail to the best writer alive, TED DEKKER, did I hear you say something? Did I ask for your opinion too? :p yes it is on my bucket list!! I was soo excited!!! Yaay!

Random 4: I've been enjoying Aunty Dayor's blogversary (did I get that right?) *shrugs* you have not read any of the post? Adjust your Lastma cap and stroll to www.dayorwrites.blogspot.com and Join us on the other side :D

Random 5: I went for a friends convocation yesterday, I met a couple of Old friends, I won't tell you about how "house-girl-ish" I was looking, btw that's not the issue. I was gisting a lot with my friends, you know boys, second sch life, uni life, nysc and all that stuff. After one of my friends mentioned it, it struck that I have a lot of Older friends, as much as it helps you know getting advice and no idle talk kinda thing, I can't help but wonder that I'm loosing touch with how "young" I'm supposed to be. It doesn't worry me, just a discovery donno if it supposed to be entirely a bad thing.

On more serious issues

Random 6: My Friend had a terrible accident a while ago when he travelled for NYSC, he survived it and
When I saw a picture of him all bandaged up in the hospital, I couldn't stop the tears and started praying heartfelt prayers for him, we can only see Gods finger in his recovery, God is really faithful, saw the picture of what he looks like now and the tears dropped. I am so glad he is alive and I know God knows and has a reason for saving him! I bless God for you Tunde (Because I know you would read this)

Random 7: Testimony Time!!! Testimony Timee!!!
"pastor Mrs" My sister said to me after coordinating devotion one day "I noticed there was something different about you, That difference is God" someone said to me after reading a post on my blog. More than ever I bless God, I prayed to God, once. "Help me to help people" He answered and he is still answering I prayed again "Lord let my life show your glory" He is answering.
So, if you have a prayer point send to me, I'm on a roll!

Let's stop at 8 right? Or 9?

Random 8: I'm playing with the idea (in my head) of taking my writing to the next level, like writing a book? Maybe series of short stories?

Sugar spring! I bought a new journal to do this and I dedicated it to you!! :D

I know its still in my head and if I die now it would be dead and gone, so I'm gonna get off my butt and get my pen out, atleast I would write down my ideas, so the dream doesn't die, if I die!

I said 9 noowww!! Oya read ;)

Random 9: I came to church today with a heavy heart, why? Have no idea, maybe because I was tired from yesterday's road trip, then I said a quiet prayer when the worship started and I wasn't "feeling" it "Give me your Joy" and I felt the joy! Felt it! Live and direct, told you I was on a roll :D I danced and danced! Yep Yep! Don't test me in my fathers house oh!!

Oya! Let's make it 10, Last one I promise! :)

Random 10: I must have said it on this blog how much of a Joseph I am.. Errmmm meaning I dream a lot! Scary part? Over 80% of it comes to pass, its beginning to get to me more kind of, he warns me about things, he promises me things through these dreams, I pray alooot about the dreams, but not necessarily about the gift!
Recently, I've been reading about daniel and visions, I THINK, I've had a couple of that, like I see things and I'm not asleep but it also feels like I'm sleeping and when its over my eyes are wide!
O boy! O serious gan! I don't want to go astray or misuse or ignore the gift, because I see it as that! So please, if you know any book about visions and dreams that you think would help, please Recommend! Or what do you think?

Hope you had fun in my head? Sorry the post is too long and hope I didn't bore you out? X___X

Have a lovely week! :* oh! Drop your comment oh! Thank you! Ese oh! Nagode! Dalu! Gracias!

Oct 29, 2012

Why Niger

Making my way through the other wanna-be corpers, with my tiny self and people pushing and shoving, I got to the front and traced  “DL” against my name, my head quickly did a mental calculation to mean DELTA, trying to be sure I traced again, this time I got “NG” looking confused now because I had no mental calculation of what or where that meant, with the cold water feeling… Whats a cold water feeling? You know when the day is really cold and you still trying to make yourself warm then someone pours you cold water out of wickedness and you too weak to speak or even retaliate? Yeah! That’s the cold water feeling.
Anyways, I found out that NG means Niger state and from then on without knowing what to expect I blanked out – mentally and I was indifferent about it all, preparation for camp went into full swing and the day finally came, it felt like I jumped out of my life and started watching it in 3D, I was like a walking zombie for the next one week (Its not pretty walahi)
I had absolutely no idea why God dropped me here but somewhere at the back of my mind I knew it was for a purpose and I wrote somethings down that I wanted to achieve before the end  (I wrote about it here) Its one NYSC calendar year already and I can say I got more out of the experience than I set out to.
January was the defining moment for me, with the security issues and subsidy issues in the country, the question then was: Will you go back? You really don’t want to know the number of people that came to my house to give me countless reasons not to go back (Especially Titus) my friends, pastors wife, family friends one-by-one they kept coming to convince me to relocate and for some reason (Now that I think f it, the strength wasn't from me) I stood my grounds, deep inside of me I was worried but I couldn't afford to let it show. My dad still asked me the night before I left when he saw me packing “So, you are going?” I knew they didn't want me to go but they are the kind of people that wont hold you back from whatever you decide to do, so they formed “supporting me” (God bless them for me) Looking back now, I do not regret coming down here.
The Lows
I lived alone and as much as I loved my space, sometimes I wished I wasn’t cooking for myself alone, sometimes I wished I had a friend around I could tell stuff to, don’t get me wrong I had people around me just didn’t have people I could open up to.
The boredom was real and I watched it live. Work started becoming a routine, some stubborn children, Employer wahala, I started getting depressed. Nights upon nights I cried myself to sleep, Everything didn't matter again, I wanted out, not just out of NYSC, Out of life itself, It was 11th April, 2012. (I wrote about it here.) I thought of ways to end it all, Amidst all the thinking and depression I was wallowing in, I remembered a voice on the other end of the line that said to me “Who would I now talk to” (If you ever read this, it’s a memory I would forever cherish) That pulled me out of my wallowing and reminded me of the people that loved me.
The Highs
I pray this prayer “Dear God, Help me to help people” and it was also one of my goals this one year, although I didn't do what I really really wanted to do but the smiles I got after a class or after ding something for someone was the answer to my prayer. He did help me to help a few people within my capacity and I wouldn't have had it any other way, I was raw tears of Joy and that alone made my year and I whispered “Thank you for answering my prayers”
The not so regular hangout with my peeps was something that lifted my spirit a lot too and am grateful for the people that I met.
Staying alone, Sundays are not the same because there is no mummy to shout-wake you and remind you not to be late to church, I had to choose to go to church, and also be punctual. Church was a whole different experience, maybe because I was going because I really wanted to go or because my goal to build a relationship with God was really genuine, bottom line is it was different and I can say with all the confidence he has given me that I LOVE GOD.

Lessons Learnt
I was talking about passing out with a friend recently and he asked me “So, what are you taking back with you from kontagora” The summary of the answer is a different Tomilola.
The new tomilola:
Loves God
Has sooo much confidence in Christ
Has embraced her flaws and is working on them
Is Happier
Has switched from 80% Sad to 80% Happy
Enjoys reading the Bible (I mean I don’t fall asleep)
Thinks about things a whole lot more
Is really Thankful
Paying more attention t her writing
And I Absolutely Love her!!!!
I am far from perfect but right now i'm contended with everything God has given me and I am very grateful, I am very open to correction and I try to constantly evaluate myself to know my wrongs.
I lost a lot of things during this service year but its all for the better and more importantly I trust God for everything and he is working in places I cannot see.
I am grateful to everyone that I came in contact with during this year and most especially the people that were there for me all through, I don’t have anything to give you but I know God would bless you all for me! Thank you.
And to the people that asked me “Why Niger”, so sorry it took me this long to answer your question but there you have it.
To the people getting their posting and are worried about it, truth is God would never give you more than you can bear. Be open minded and enjoy the experience. The good. The bad. The ugly. The lessons. And Everything.

I am glad I came to Niger state and I feel fulfilled and I wont change the experience for anything else in the world.

Oct 17, 2012

Tramped: The Flip Side

I want to say a huge Congratulations to my fellow Batch C corpers passing out! Its been a rollercoaster One year and I'm glad its over, may God see us through the next phase!

Now Enjoy the Flip Side! :D Don't forget to drop your comments!

"I made it" I screamed as I got to my finish line, my goal.
Imagine my disappointment when I heard I have to be patient to get my price, my medal.
Did I just hear 279 days? Who are these people and what's with their rule of "growth" before you get a medal you earned?
You just never understand.
* * *
90 days and waiting...
I don't even know where I am, things are put in place for me to know or understand what's going on. As I heard. All in due time.
Till then, I wait. I grow.
* * *
155 days and waiting...
Things are different now "They" finally put it in place.
Wow! I can feel it, its a dark place.
Very dark.
There is liquid too,
I hear a voice, that's the first voice after all these days,
Such a relief, I feel safer now, I'm not alone.
But why is the voice shouting? Or is that a cry?
Why does it make me sad?
* * *
217 days and waiting...
This place is getting tight,
I'm getting tired of this darkness, I hear the same voice often, but why is she always sad? I want to meet her, if only, just to tell her everything would be alright.
I'm becoming impatient,
I kick at the door.
Its excited her more than I expected, she is supposed to be angry, I kick again. This time she warns me to stop, I obey.
Maybe she would let me out earlier on good behaviour.
* * *
279 days and the wait is over
Its happening anytime soon, those doors will open and I will finally meet her and get my medal,
I hope all this wait is worth the price.
* * *
Why are they all gathered around me? Why are you turning me upside down? I let out a scream "Don't you know that hurts?"
Where is she? Where is she?
Beginning to sound like a panic attack, but there she was, they handed me to her, I feel safe.
Yes. If this is the medal I waited for then I can say it was worth the wait.
* * *
The price is worth it, I can say that a million times over, I still don't know where I am but I'm glad there is no more darkness.
There is so much light but I don't care, I recognise the voice, I recognise the safety.
Victory feels good, You should try it.
* * *
Why does she look sad?
Is it because I cannot do things myself - yet? "I'm sorry woman" I really don't like seeing you sad.
Will my smile make you smile? I really can't help it, I have to grow right? But I'm sure I would make up for this sleepless nights I give you - Just give me time
* * *
The lights are out, I don't want to wake her - Again, but I don't feel comfortable. "I've pooed on myself - Again" I let out the cry
This is my only way of letting her know, she always understands.
She is up, I trust her to wake up - Everytime.
I should play a prank on her sometime.
I felt her hands move, I was happy, she was going to relieve me of the mess I made.
But I was wrong, she went for my mouth, how come she got it wrong this time?
I tried to cry out again instead I felt a darkness, a familiar darkness. Just like the one during the wait.
* * *
I can't help myself, I'm only a baby.
I still feel the darkness, then suddenly a light and this man in white, he called himself an angel.
He lifted me.
"Where is she?"
"Does she not love me?"
"Where am I going?"
"Where is this place?"
With a reassuring look in his eyes he said "She loves you,but now I take you to daddy"

Oct 14, 2012

Tramped: Sequel

Where is my Adanna, My Nkem, My Pearl
I thought she was beautiful, I thought she was pure but she is wicked, cruel, deceitful
I refuse to spit out the foul words
Head in my hands, the anguish that plagues my heart
She allowed death to cheat her
People would never understand what I've done, they will blame and call me names but she caused it

I can't go back now
I have already threaded the path
The children must not see, I am the man of the house
Why are they so many
I blame the temptress; she allowed my loins to indulge me
She knew the imperfection I was and still married me and I couldn't refuse her plea to keep them
She held such power

So, I punish her because she is a constant reminder of my Nkem
I start the ritual that I couldn't stop
As I spread out her laps and indulged myself in what laid between
She was soft like her mother and even more perfection
And every time I sought her, the demons inside me urged on
The insidious things I did to the fruit of my loins

The world will never understand, I will always be the guilty one
The senile beast that lived in the world but I had my own battles
They had to know that, they had to understand
She was much more beautiful than the woman that birth her
Her walk, her face, and her food tasted just like my nwanyi oma used to make them

Where has she gone now
I notice her absence again, she has begun to miss our rituals
She must be punished this time around, she thinks I do not notice that she leaves
The house just before I awaken, I never sleep
I want her and I can't hold back, she had the audacity to be my Nkem's replica
She came between us

I notice she is getting bigger just the way Adanna used to when she would come with the dreaded news

Could it be?

She was just as vile then
I cannot take back my actions now, I behold her face and fall to the ground weak
I am a coward I know
It's been two months since she's been gone; it's just as well if she never returns
her younger ones worry and I soothe them, they are too young to understand
and it is just as well

As I lay on my bed that night for once my demons allow me rest

This piece was written by Tinu (@Pulchae) I Love her writing and she blogs here http://pearlpulchae.wordpress.com Do check it out! (Y)

Errrrmmm..... There is going to be a flipside to the story. Watchout! Oya! I don't want to come and hype and not deliver tho'. I'm working on something tho'.

Thanks for stopping by - Again!!! :)

Oct 9, 2012


Staring at the full length mirror watching the tears drop from the top of the fleshy arch, I feel it trickle to the bottom.
I hate you.
I now have C-cups, what happened to me beautiful B-cups?
My eyes are swollen, not from crying, all thanks to you. I can't even see those pretty legs of mine.
And my curves? I don't even want to talk about it.
You have taken my youth away. Well I gave you the power, I can only blame myself.
Right here I feel it, or do you make me pee on myself too? Or you just ready to show your face?
I don't want to know the answer to that, Let me call my sister.

I can't tell you the story of how you go here. Too sad.
Too late. You're here already.
The story of the fireworks and magic you hear happens from the first look. I didn't see it.
I look at you and all I see is one that took my youth from me.
All I see is one that made me the talk of the school.
All I see is one that got me pity stares as I walked along the street.
All I see is not you.
You are beautiful but I do not notice.
I'm busy hating you.
Tomorrow, I go to the gym.
Sure! I'ld love to take you along but I'ld drop you by the way.
* * *

Its 4:45am, the gym is by the corner, let's go on a trip first, somewhere far.
But wait! Have I said "I hate you" today?
I'm excited about this journey, let's call it a journey to my youth - Again.
You only follow me half way, I go the rest alone.
Please don't give me that look, its not going to work.
Did Jesus tell you the story of moses?
Okay! This would be similar, only I don't have a basket and there are no lakes around just gutters.

Its 5:30am.
This is half way.
Time to turn back to my youth.
You've done enough damage.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I hear about Silver spoons and some children born with them in their mouth, does the baby come out of the woman with the spoon?
Oh! Its just an expression, I get it now.
Now that I know, if I relate it to myself I would have to ask the question " What does a spoon look like?"
You know what's even sad? Our kid is asking the same question. Not for long.
Before you start to judge me, listen to my story

* * *

Waking up from the heat staring at the clock it 2am and there is no light as usual, moving my brother's leg off mine, I stood up, tip toed over the rest and went outside for fresh air. Staring at the stars, its the only hope I have, I know there has to be an opposite of this suffering.

Gave a heavy sigh just thinking of going back into that house, Its a room apartment, I'm the first child, I'm ashamed to say how many other siblings I have, good I can still count them on my 10 fingers. What was mummy thinking having us all? Gave another sigh thinking about her, she should not have left us, she was the bread winner. There was hope. May her soul rest in peace. I stare at the stars again, I need hope.

Daddy keeps reminding me that I am now the mummy of the house and I have to start doing mummy duties.
I didn't understand the rest of the mummy duties till I felt the tap at 2am.
2am everyday for a week I did mummy duties that I couldn't wash off with a bath in the morning. He disgusted me. I disgusted me. Now, I stood up every 2am.
2am outside the house was my escape from my disgusting reality.
I started sleeping during the day and staying up all night

"You this girl you are getting fatter o" My friend said when she came to see me one evening, I told her how I've been sleeping a lot more and she laughed and teased me some more about it.

* * *

"We have to run some tests to know exactly what's wrong with you" the doctor said and I couldn't imagine bola giving me money again, she only agreed to give me this one because she saw how badly I looked covered up.
I gave a deep sigh

"I honestly don't have money for any test"
Holding the results in my hands, I knew what this meant, the doctor did not have an idea and was wondering why the tears came down, how can I explain to him that I am carrying my fathers child?
The doctor says its a rear case considering the fact that I didn't know for the first 6months, I just sat there through the rest of his talk about ant-*natal, I thank him for the tests and left.

Its 2am and the cry wakes me up, I can't do this anymore. I put my hands over his mouth to shut him up, then he stopped crying after a while and he stopped moving.
He is getting cold.
I carry him and I feel nothing, I know I don't have the money to take care of him but I didn't mean to make him cold.
Maybe I just didn't know I meant it.
I try not to panic. I stood up, wrapped him up, picked a few of my things and left.

Standing outside with my mistake in hand, I find the nearest dumpstar, dropped him and with tears rolling uncontrollably, I walked away from my mistake - Forever!


I have been seeing a lot of pictures of dead abandoned babies recently and it honestly got to me, I kept crying to God for mercy, then I asked myself why? In the process I decided to put myself in different stories and it wasn't a pretty ride. This is just my attempt to get it from their perspective.