Why Niger

Making my way through the other wanna-be corpers, with my tiny self and people pushing and shoving, I got to the front and traced  “DL” against my name, my head quickly did a mental calculation to mean DELTA, trying to be sure I traced again, this time I got “NG” looking confused now because I had no mental calculation of what or where that meant, with the cold water feeling… Whats a cold water feeling? You know when the day is really cold and you still trying to make yourself warm then someone pours you cold water out of wickedness and you too weak to speak or even retaliate? Yeah! That’s the cold water feeling.

Anyways, I found out that NG means Niger state and from then on without knowing what to expect I blanked out – mentally and I was indifferent about it all, preparation for camp went into full swing and the day finally came, it felt like I jumped out of my life and started watching it in 3D, I was like a walking zombie for the next one week (Its not pretty walahi)

I had absolutely no idea why God dropped me here but somewhere at the back of my mind I knew it was for a purpose and I wrote somethings down that I wanted to achieve before the end  (I wrote about it here) Its one NYSC calendar year already and I can say I got more out of the experience than I set out to.

January was the defining moment for me, with the security issues and subsidy issues in the country, the question then was: Will you go back? You really don’t want to know the number of people that came to my house to give me countless reasons not to go back (Especially Titus) my friends, pastors wife, family friends one-by-one they kept coming to convince me to relocate and for some reason (Now that I think f it, the strength wasn't from me) I stood my grounds, deep inside of me I was worried but I couldn't afford to let it show. My dad still asked me the night before I left when he saw me packing “So, you are going?” I knew they didn't want me to go but they are the kind of people that wont hold you back from whatever you decide to do, so they formed “supporting me” (God bless them for me) Looking back now, I do not regret coming down here.

The Lows

I lived alone and as much as I loved my space, sometimes I wished I wasn’t cooking for myself alone, sometimes I wished I had a friend around I could tell stuff to, don’t get me wrong I had people around me just didn’t have people I could open up to.

The boredom was real and I watched it live. Work started becoming a routine, some stubborn children, Employer wahala, I started getting depressed. Nights upon nights I cried myself to sleep, Everything didn't matter again, I wanted out, not just out of NYSC, Out of life itself, It was 11^th April, 2012. (I wrote about it here.) I thought of ways to end it all, Amidst all the thinking and depression I was wallowing in, I remembered a voice on the other end of the line that said to me “Who would I now talk to” (If you ever read this, it’s a memory I would forever cherish) That pulled me out of my wallowing and reminded me of the people that loved me.

The Highs

I pray this prayer “Dear God, Help me to help people” and it was also one of my goals this one year, although I didn't do what I really really wanted to do but the smiles I got after a class or after ding something for someone was the answer to my prayer. He did help me to help a few people within my capacity and I wouldn't have had it any other way, I was raw tears of Joy and that alone made my year and I whispered “Thank you for answering my prayers”

The not so regular hangout with my peeps was something that lifted my spirit a lot too and am grateful for the people that I met.

Staying alone, Sundays are not the same because there is no mummy to shout-wake you and remind you not to be late to church, I had to choose to go to church, and also be punctual. Church was a whole different experience, maybe because I was going because I really wanted to go or because my goal to build a relationship with God was really genuine, bottom line is it was different and I can say with all the confidence he has given me that I LOVE GOD.

Lessons Learnt

I was talking about passing out with a friend recently and he asked me “So, what are you taking back with you from kontagora” The summary of the answer is a different Tomilola.

The new tomilola:

Loves God

Has sooo much confidence in Christ

Has embraced her flaws and is working on them

Is Happier

Has switched from 80% Sad to 80% Happy

Enjoys reading the Bible (I mean I don’t fall asleep)

Thinks about things a whole lot more

Is really Thankful

Paying more attention t her writing

And I Absolutely Love her!!!!

I am far from perfect but right now i'm contended with everything God has given me and I am very grateful, I am very open to correction and I try to constantly evaluate myself to know my wrongs.

I lost a lot of things during this service year but its all for the better and more importantly I trust God for everything and he is working in places I cannot see.

I am grateful to everyone that I came in contact with during this year and most especially the people that were there for me all through, I don’t have anything to give you but I know God would bless you all for me! Thank you.

And to the people that asked me “Why Niger”, so sorry it took me this long to answer your question but there you have it.

To the people getting their posting and are worried about it, truth is God would never give you more than you can bear. Be open minded and enjoy the experience. The good. The bad. The ugly. The lessons. And Everything.

I am glad I came to Niger state and I feel fulfilled and I wont change the experience for anything else in the world.