... At the foot of the Hill [Psalm 121]

Dec 30, 2012


I close the book abruptly and Long for it, the feelings read about in the books, they say "you travel to places you've never been to by reading a book"
This time? The words fly me to where I feel.
The deep longing fills the void.
The deep longing left me asking for more.

Standing beside the "farmer shoes", eyes lost in yours.
The eyes are the mirror to the soul I capture
The eyes revealed the words, the one from the books.
Sucked me in, just like the words. The words of the book.
In 5 seconds I read it all, every word of your eye-book.
The depth of the deep longing shortened.
I Lied, when she asked me "what do you feel?"
I can't lie forever, my reading eyes tells the tale, my tale. But would you read?

You pulled my shirt off, exposed my skin to yours.
Our palms met, the fingers that traced the words of the books. They met.
Intertwined fingers produce words, words.
The words the fingers felt, feels them now.
The trickle of sweat from our longing bodies mix, they feel the words of the books, skin to skin, eye to eye, they write. Their words. Their Language. In a book.
Only understood by fingers that felt, by skin that wrote, by the eyes that traced.

The deep longing, the feel of the eyes, the words of the skin, the trace of the sweat, the tangle of the fingers and the other ONE that know it all, the other ONE that knows the language, the other ONE that understands the soul connect!

This was inspired after reading "the bridges of madison county" tonight. Felt good writing it, hope you enjoyed it? And what do you think?

I also hear you can only genuinely feel this way about someone once in a lifetime. How true? What do you believe?

P.S: I had my video ready but the internet expired for the year x__x so sorrrrrrrrry! Am I forgiven? *puppy eyes* :)

Dec 27, 2012



I knew there was something wrong with me, I could not understand. When my mum came to me that afternoon, I was reluctant to give her an answer, she meant well, I understood but I was afraid of them

“what if they make me hurt someone?” I thought

“You have to go and spend time with your uncle, you know right now I cannot really take care of you and your brother” I nodded in agreement.

The trip down to the Ogunyemi’s how was a long one and felt even longer because I didn’t want to be here, but I had their approval. The compound wasn’t too large or too small either, well furnished 3-bedroom apartment, they had 3 beautiful daughters; ages 5, 4 and 1, they warmed up to me quickly, we kicked off the love affair. I helped clean, helped the children with their homework, we played and they left me for a year, just when I thought they were gone then they showed up.

I felt the tap on my thigh that night, I wondered what my aunty wanted at that time of the night. I opened my eyes, I was wrong. They had come for me – Again.

“Its time” she said

All I had to do was hold her hands – I did reluctantly.

The roar of laughter reminded me that it was a reality, I was here again.

“How did you get her out?” The madam asked, directed to the person that brought me.

“The woman of the house travelled, the one that is always praying” she rolled her eyes

“We have been trying to get to you for a year now, but that woman would just not shut up, but now I’m sure you would come to us even after she comes back” she caressed my chin with her hands slowly. I got the message and got in line with the other girls, Listening to how things went down here was very different, I came back here everynight for the next 2 months and with every visit I lost a part of my humanity.

I could feel it drawing closer and closer, it was my turn, time for my mission and I couldn’t mess it up.

“Wait, damola. Why this dress again? She wore it to church last Sunday”

“Yes ma, but she looks so good in it, let her wear it again today”

She looked at lola who is oblivious of the happening around her and was ready for her party, she smiled

“Yes, she does. We are running late anyways, no time to change cloths, Lets go”

I stood there watching them panic

“I don’t know what’s wrong with her, she was fine before we left home” He said touching her head

“this is not the first time this is happening, should we take her to the hospital?”

“Morons, complete morons – don’t you notice its everytime she wears the dress she falls sick?” I thought to myself as I watched them

“let me get a cold cloth so we can dab her head” they nodded in agreement. I felt the smile at the corner of my lips as I turned my back against them.

I watched her lifeless attached to all the wires on the hospital bed, I sat across my aunt looking all worried and I didn’t feel anything, she stood up to pee and I just wanted to strangle the little brat and make my job easier, but then it’s a process, she has been drained.

“she would need blood transfusion, I cant explain but she needs the blood urgently” I overhead the doctor tell my uncle outside the room, I didn’t wait to listen to the rest of the conversation, I didn’t  need to. Things were going on according to plan.

She is awake, she looks weak and she’s smiling. I know she’s still small but can you see the confident smile? Even on the sick bed, she looks special even on the bed, no wonder they wanted her out of the way and I would help them get there.

Grandma was in town, she was going to spend the night with Lola.

We opened the door to the house, the pastor had come to visit, he was about to leave and he started praying; he paused and asked for that dress, when the dress was brought to the living room, he looked at the dress and looked at me and I knew right there that it was over.

I fell to my knees!


I'm sorry this is a bit gloomy for this season but this is based on a true-life story and i just wanted to get it all out there before the year is over. Yes, this is my story and i'm the one on the hospital bed and NO this aint a pity party, this is a way of getting to see things from her perspective because i've asked alot recently why someone would want to harm a small child but i came up with nothing and after listening to a sermon from a former witch and she says when people do things that they wont normally do its because there is a force behind it, and yesterday it just came to me to write about it and my sisters would know how touchy i have been since last night when i started, but now? i have more clarity and i'm ready to let it go.

Its the end of the year and i want to drop whatever baggage  is droppable, although there are not much but then, before i started writing this i had no idea i would feel this good after, but i Thank God for laying in my heart to write this.

You know what i learnt to help me forgive easily? Take the walk in their shoes, try and see it from the person's perspective, and know their story and it would even help us to judge people less - I know its helping me!

I would record my video today and bring you some smiles before the end of the year!

Have a wonderful end of  2012

Dec 23, 2012

Walks to Remember..

This post is kind of unofficial so pardon me.

I was going through my bible for the night and i was talking to myself and smiling to myself for all that i was reading and the walk of today and it just came to me "Why are you not blogging about this?"

You know i'm blessed right? Alot of people have told me but recently it dawned on me and i'm accepting my blessed status *Pops collar* Please leave me, I'm in my zone right now!

I have an habit of talking to myself, since i started writing my "Dear God" Letters i decided to talk to God instead to myself, do you know how it feels to talk to God like he is so close to you? 

call me daddy's little girl :)

So, what do i do? I take a stroll with a jumbled up head and i come back home with a clearer head, I cry if i have to, i laugh when i feel it, i worship, i give thanks, basically, I offload. You guessed right, I took a stroll today.

This is not a post to say what is making my head all jumbled up, but just one of those times that you look at your tiny self and wonder why God trusts you with so much responsiblilties and you wonder if you would deliver!
Anyways, I walk and talk with God, he calls me daughter, i call him Lord. When i'm done i feel extra good, even better than i felt before i took the walk, You are not sad or indifferent, you are just overwhelmed. 

You know God has a sense of humor? Its hard to explain, you just have to experience that yourself, at the end of this evening i was laughing, he made me laugh! 
I got answers. Where else? His word, and i want to share, it just might help someone.

Haggai 2:9  The new Temple will be more splendid than the old one, and there I will give my people prosperity and peace." The LORD Almighty has spoken. 

Haggai 2:19  Although there is no grain left, and the grapevines, fig trees, pomegranates, and olive trees have not yet produced, yet from now on I will bless you." 

Habakkuk 2:3  Put it in writing, because it is not yet time for it to come true. But the time is coming quickly, and what I show you will come true. It may seem slow in coming, but wait for it; it will certainly take place, and it will not be delayed. 

Gal 6:9  So let us not become tired of doing good; for if we do not give up, the time will come when we will reap the harvest. 

Exo 4:10-12  But Moses said, "No, LORD, don't send me. I have never been a good speaker, and I haven't become one since you began to speak to me. I am a poor speaker, slow and hesitant." 
The LORD said to him, "Who gives man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or dumb? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? It is I, the LORD. 
Now, go! I will help you to speak, and I will tell you what to say." - This one spoke to me the most!

Rom 12:21  Do not let evil defeat you; instead, conquer evil with good. 

Deu 30:19  I am now giving you the choice between life and death, between God's blessing and God's curse, and I call heaven and earth to witness the choice you make. Choose life. 

I really hope this speaks to someone's situation and helps encourage you! 

Happy Holidays

P.S: Update on Vblog, i recorded it on my ipod and we know how apple is associated with stinginess, so i could not edit it and time had just passed and made the video stale, but i promise to make another one before the end of the year, My christmas gift to my followers, hope you will manage it? :D

P.P.S: I deactivated my twitter account for a while because i want to experiment something (Which i cannot say) Sorry, anyways i would be back before you say December :)

Dec 17, 2012

What you deserve.

Clueless, misunderstood, void, with love and gratitude i started the year, it would always be a significant year and those moments in one's life that changes you happened this year.
11-4-12, 29-7-13, 11-11-12, 12-12-12 on these days different things about my life became very clear, i cant go through details of how my year went, not because i can't but i dont really want to cry before the end of this (I know i would) X__X

Anyways, this post is not about me but about the people God used to bring me here.

Firstly, I'm grateful to GOD for counting me worthy to even write this and for humbling me this year, learning through the word daily has been an enormous pleasure, i wont have it another way and i would surrender to you all day, everyday. Thank you Lord.

In no particular order......

Debo Ajayi: This dude right here has answered every of my stupid questions regarding (almost) everything. he has been there for me without judging or excess questions and encourages me to be there for someone else as he is there for me, Thank you for the role you played in my life this 2012. P.S: I wont forget the day at your office, Thanks for your shoulder.

Mosope: I dont know but it seems like roles reversed alittle this year, you were baby and it was such a pleasure and all those talks we have would remain evergreen. I honestly was shocked when you sent me money when NYSC was maltreating us. we've known each other for long and i wont trade us for anything in the world. I Love you, sope even if i dont say it often and btw can you stop calling me your dude? *Rme*

I met and got closer to a few amazing people too...

Kovie: I started following your 31day reset challenge and discovered how much we had in common, Thank you for replying my stupid questions filled mails, its really nice knowing and sharing thoughts with you. Thank you

Tinu: Its a pleasure knowing more about you, Thank you for always checking on me and for trusting me enough to open up to me, means alot.

Ayomiku: I've known you for a while and you were like a school mummy but when you talk to me it doesnt feel that way and i'm glad i got closer to you and Yes i'm rooting for you 100% (You know what i mean) *winks* Thank you for being there for me.

My lovely sisters: I know i was alot cagey about my feelings this year and i'm sorry. I love you guys so much, through it all you understood to an extent and didn't press further. Thanks for keeping me company through those lonely nights in kontagora, Thank you for laughing at my not so funny jokes, the encouragement, and sometimes i practically have to sit beside you to read my blog but you guys support me, Thank you for making yourselves friendly enough for me to even think of coming to tickle you *side eyes Tosin* Yes, i'm coming tomorrow to tickle you :p

Prof Moyosore & Mr Femi: Thank you for speaking to me liek elder brothers and checking up on me from time to time. Meant alot to me, i wont forget. Thank you

Ayo and Tosin: Thank you for always having my back, i know i didnt open up at all but when i think of the fact that i know that you guys are there, it brings a smile to my face. Thanks alot.

Mr Dele: Thank you so much, like really. I def wont forget that you were there for me through the lonely days in kontagora and listening to my small girl rants X_X. Thanks alot for the encouragement too.

Sammy: Despite the circumstances that made us closer, its been a pleasure knowing you, all 100 of you -____- or is it 200? i lost count >_> if i'm counting people to disturb now i can put you on first 5 :p Thank You ''sweetie'' :p

Olasunkanmi: Regardless of the time difference, you'ld respond to my chats, Thank you and its a pleasure getting to know you better.

My Twin Brother: I didn't see you alot this year, but the little time we spent together was awesome. Thanks for not making my birthday this year suck! Love you dear. keep repping us.

Lekan, Esther & Adeoti: Thank you for being such wonderful friends to me. *muah*

Imisioluwa: Regardless of what flashcard reality is shoving in my face, you would always mean a great deal to me, you would always be special to me. Thank you for loving me, Thank you for helping me see the need to grow, Thank you for accepting me, Thank you for keeping company those lonely nights in my room, Thank you for taking care of me. you'd always have a place in my heart. I love you...............!

BlogVille: This blog was a huge part of my 2012. Thanks to all my Old and new followers, readers and fellow bloggers, i cant be grateful enough because frankly this blog is nothing without you guys. Thank you for appreciating and encouraging my writing, means alot!

Thanks to all my friends and family members that i came across this year, please forgive me if i didn't mention name, doesn't make you less important to me. I appreciate your love.

I pray 2013 would be a better year for all of us by Gods grace.

*Disclaimer: No tear was shed during the writing of this piece however we cant assure that the eyes were not clouded


Dec 16, 2012

29 Things you should do this year

I read about this Here on femme Lounge around July or so and i wrote it out in my note pad and i want to share the ones i did and my observations

29. Attend a funeral. It has a way of reminding us that life in finite, and tells us we should     treasure every moment we have on earth.
Checked - I attended 2 funerals this year and i visited a friend that lost her sister and grandma within one week or two weeks. You are really reminded of how short life is and you would get the urge to just do everything before its too late. My condolences go out to those that lost a loved one this year, may God comfort you. 
28. Bath under a waterfall, climb a mountain, or drive through a game reserve. Whatever you do make sure you see nature at its best, like you have never done before.
I was supposed to go to the waterfall in Niger but... but.... i was too lazy to go on that 5hrs journey, so i could not bath under a waterfall, but next year dear tomi thats your birthday present!
27. Be the answer to someone’s prayer and a solution to someone’s problem. Guide the lost stranger, feed the poor, teach the ignorant, serve a sick person breakfast in bed, and maybe give your maid a day off
I THINK i might have been the answer to a few people's prayers this year, being in the north gave me the opportunity to help a few people, wont go into details but i am very glad i was given the opportunity, i would definitely do it over again. did you help someone this year? 
26. Do you have a favorite author, designer, actor or musician? Write a fan letter to all your favorites and send it to them. Some will get it, some never will.
see where i got the idea to write Ted dekker? well now you know, i wrote and i got a reply *doing the happy dance* i want to write another one. overkill? x_x *hums oliver twist*
25. Face your Fears. If you hate crowd then by all means go to a stadium, if you are afraid of having all eyes on you then go to sing at a karaoke bar, and if you are afraid of teddy bears, go to bed with twenty! You will discover that Fear is really what it is – False Evidence Appearing Real!
My fear? talking in front of a crowd and maybe something i've not discovered yet, but then i taught a group of people with so much confidence considering that they were either older than me or looked older than me (i'm small like that -__-) i'm not done with the crowd phobia oh, but i notice the difference + i entered a pool this year! Yaaaay! 
24. Find a reason to throw a party and invite everyone you really want to be there, it could be to celebrate your birthday, or even your break up, or just because it’s another Friday! Have fun being celebrated.
i nor throw any parry oh... i dont like throwing or attending parties - even for the rice -__- i would rather have a party for one... or two *coughs*
23. Find your passion and be involved in a cause. Donate your time, money or even blood. Volunteer with organizations working in that field and help spread the word too.
Still searching................. Know any orphanage i can volunteer? get at me. Thanks :)
22. Forgive someone. Make a deliberate decision to forgive someone that had hurt you in the past, let go of your pain and bitterness, whether the person is sober or not.
I forgave myself. i forgave myself for wanting to depriving myself of this beautiful life God gave me, I forgave myself for my failures, I forgave myself for my mistakes, i forgave myself for the hurt i've cost me. admitting it wasn't easy but it was worth it. 
21. Have a junk food day! Spend a whole day eating all the junk food you love without feeling guilty.
oh! Yessss... This was fun, i shouldnt tell you, you know that already. i Love burgers any type well except its from KFC *rme*, i love taking myself out, i'm not expensive at all, one burger and a bottle of water and the girl is good. what would you eat if you had a junk food day?
20. Keep a gratitude journal. Don’t be carried away by your never ending to do lists. Take time out to count your blessings and be grateful to life for every progress you make
I've kept a gratitude Journal actively since the 8th of August, i just list all that i'm grateful for, for the day. It just helps reflect on the day and count your blessings and you definitely be reminded of how the little things count.
19. Learn not to say yes when you what you want to say is really no. Say what you mean and mean what you say.
I TRIED to do this, but some people you just cant hurt them, for example how would you tell someone that calls you alot that his calls disturb you? knowing that he just calls to check on you. you feel me?
18. Learn something new. Salsa dance, how to make apple pie or even how to speak Spanish. Add a new knowledge to yourself and meet other people who share the same interest.
I picked up Spanish. I'm still learning sha, dont let me scatter ground here with my naija-polished Spanish *pops collar*
17. Love yourself, Love others too. Don’t hold back all you can give and be to yourself and to others. Love without fear.
This struck me so deep and i took it as a challenge, its hard but its possible and i'm learning and i constantly caution myself when my mind want to start saying "not loving" people, especially random people on the street. 
16. Listen to elderly people’s story of what life was like when they were younger; let them tell you about their regrets and victories, and what they would do differently if they have a new shot at life.
I sat next to my pastor's wife on my way to one of the burials i attended and within the short period we talked i had learnt alot from her regrets and things she said she could have done differently and ofcourse right now i would be stupid to make that type of mistake. 
I made friends with older people alot more this year, its not that i dont  have people in my age group but i just feel good around people that can talk to me honestly, without judgement and with plenty maturity.
i think older people are closer to the grave so they don't have time for nonsense, so no idle talk, when its work, its work, when its play, its play.
15. Make a collection of everything you love in a scrap book. Insert picture of your favorite actress, your favorite chocolate wrapper, a ribbon from your old sexy lingerie and even your favorite bible passage.
I did this too, it was fun cutting up old newspaper, magazines and pictures. Speaking of which, i should update the scrap book. i recommend it for any girly girl that has plenty time and needs personal in-expensive fun!
14. Make a list of all those who have touched your live positively and you will be really surprised how long the list could be. Send them a mail, a text or postcards to appreciate them.
I've done the first part of this, but why have i not gotten to sending the mails? x_x
13. Make friends with children, learn to communicate with them and understand what makes them tick. Experience what life is like in their world of possibilities.
This one was funny and hard work mhen! i asked myself again "Do you want children?" your ears would almost wear out from stories, this 10 year old girl i met recently is a talkative chai, she can talk for africe, we spent 1-2hrs together that day and she had told me about home, friends from the neighbourhood, friends from school and their silly fights. i smiled through it all, i was genuinely interested and i just wanted to got back to being a kid when all i worried about was why mummy wont let me go out to play *sigh* growing up sucks, to think that i've not even "grown" up *hot tears*
me: What do you want to be in future
random small boy: I want to be a footballer
me: why?
random small boy: Because they have plenty money and i want to drive big big cars
me: o_o 

12. Make new friends and stay in touch with old ones. Get connected with a childhood friend that you haven’t seen in a long time and visit her.
I tired my best, connected, re-connected and dis-connected from some childhood friends this year, it was nice while it lasted - again :)
11. Plant a flower or vegetable, in a garden, at your backyard or in a jar. Nurse it and watch how it changes from a seedling to a full grown plant.
Plant gini? who get time? (sorry Tobi, im not insulting your garden) Next!!
10. Put on your best clothes, have a makeup done on you and have a photo shoot. You know how you admire models in magazines and try out different poses in front of a mirror? Now go do it without inhibitions, express yourself before a camera.
I wanted to mix this abit, dress up, make-up go to a bar a meet random people, but who get liver? You? Try it for both of us. :)
9. Reflect on your greatest weakness, and your greatest strength and how they can make you a better person.
Hard but one of the best things to do, i didnt even bother with the strengths much because thinking about them may make my head over swell, so i reflected on my weakness without being hard on myself to see how i can make me a better person and i do like evaluation and make mental notes of where i'm falling short. Hard work - i know, but its worth it!
8. Re-visit your favorite childhood books, movies and music. What really made you tick when you were younger?
where are we, the yankees? that you wee be having fav childhood books or movies or music? is it just me? *Looks around* NOOOOOO... I cant possibly be the only one naa! did you have any favorite childhood anything? 
I remember now, i had one fav Tyre rim, yes RIM *rme* that i always rolled around and pet sef *smh* x_x it was a long time ago naa, dont judge a sisteh, yes the razzness started from back then. #RazzandProud dont loud it!
7. Send a message to an unknown person. Write something, put it in a bottle, close it and throw it in the ocean, hoping someone, someday will get it.
Bottle ko, bottle ni *rme*
6.Sleep under the stars. When was the last time you look at the sky and marvel at the beauty? Spend a night looking at the stars and sleep off while admiring the sky.
Sleep under the sky in nigeria? better have more than one can of baygon. I marveled at the beauty of the stars and moon every night in kontagora, that place just had a way of bringing it all to your attention. Its really beautiful but biko i cannot sleep, forgive me!
5. So what if you get lost? You will find you way again! Throw the map out and go on a drive in an area near you that you don’t know well, explore the area and figure out how it’s all connected till you find your way again.
And get kidnapped? Nahh........ I'd pass!
4. Spend a day at the beach with your loved ones. Run, swim, eat, laugh and build an elaborate sand castle.
I'm still waiting for the day this one will happen x_x
3. Spice up your sexual life. Take a break from the old routines. Try out new and daring things in your sexual life.
*Coughs* #TeamAbstain here. Thanks!
2. Take a vacation from the world. Switch off your phones, log off the internet, and spend time alone with yourself doing the things you love.
I'm so looking forward to this, i guess its more recommended to people with a busy and crazy life, and i know my life would get busy and crazy soon, then i wee now take a well deserved break, but now i have not earned any vacation.
1. Talk to God. You might not fully understand the role He plays in your life, or what He really expects from you, maybe it’s time to unravel the mystery, talk to Him and listen to Him.
Saving the best for last :D The best decision i made this year was to talk to God more, i mean talk not pray, prayer is different, i adopted the "Dear God"  style and i write them down when i can or just talk like God is sitting next to me, well technically he is :) Its fun and there is a peace that washes over you after and "offloading" it all on him! feels good!

This is really long, hope i didnt bore you out before the end, what are the things you did this year that was memorable tell me, i'm interested! Thanks.
P.S: I'm editting my next vblog. :D Soon soon.
P.P.S: My sister now blogs, Check her out Here Its a gardening blog, i'm sure you'ld like it. Thanks