Confessions of a Horny Virgin: Interlude

Hi,

Welcome back or Welcome. If this is your first time here click here to see the previous 'Confessions'. Enjoy.

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Well not really.

Curiosity they say kills the cat, in my case curiosity made me know or feel strange in my body. In the dead of the night staring at the computer screen looking and scanning at the thing that was so forbidden that everyone asked us to stay clear off without reasons.
From "Lets see what this is about?" to "o_o" to "O_O" to "Oh, this makes me feel good"

I never was and will not go out of my way to look for erotic pictures on the internet but anytime I was alone and I had the internet, It was time to explore and I learnt to cover my tracks well "ctrl + H" anyone?

I don't know where I got the idea to go check out pornographic images and yes close your mouth girls do it too, it either started from watching a kissing/erotic scene in a movie and feeling uneasy to reading all those novels with erotic content. Seeds were sown in those moments.

Like I said, I wasn't addicted but was a bad habit none the less, something that disgusts you so much but still find pleasure in? I was happy when I broke off all ties, I didn't really tell anyone until now but the feeling of guilt it brought was enough reason for me to decide that I was done.

Then the many lies the Devil throws your way and makes you feel like you are alone in it and be to ashamed to talk to someone about it. Crap.

I didn't talk to someone and I am not bound by the ties any more. See, I took measure. Drastic ones. I talked about seeds earlier right? From little things the seed gets sown in your mind and I identified them.

I stopped watching movies.

"Oh, lets see a movie" 
"I don't feel like" 

You really think I don't feel like watching movies?

"What happened, You are not following me back"
"Really? Let me check"
In my mind: "Of course i'm not following you back, that's because you tweet crap"

I unfollowed everyone on my twitter and followed some people back, not everyone I don't follow back is tweeting crap but sometimes you JUST have to take those measures.

My friend says "Will I now break my laptop?" and I say "Yes" Well Not really, There are more stuffs drawing you to the attention of where the pornography is than the internet.

Is it not the same internet you were using before you 'discovered' porn? Identify those things that make you start getting horny. Eliminate those things one by one. As much as I want to say "Get an accountability partner" I won't - at least not the friend you know -

Sin thrives in secrecy and the guilt and shame may make it hard for you to talk thats why I am here to make it easier for you :)

First step is confession and YES, your best accountability partner is the holy Spirit. People can be there on the other side of the blackberry and not knowing what you are doing, But wait.. The Holy spirit is ALWAYS there to help you. Always.

I watch movies now, Once in a blue moon. and I say prayers like "Dear Lord, I am horny please take it away" x_x

Having said all this Can we continue? :)

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I still don't understand why my young mind expected it to be a sister-brother in a room kind of night. Not for long.

The I-Can't-Go-Further-Than-This mentality had made me master the art of kissing - No, I didn't practise alot, I just made sure I improved at every opportunity - This evening we kissed till it got boring.

Naturally, everything else started falling off. He touched me in places I had never been touched before, I made sounds I had only heard in movies and boy did it feel good.

I had my head in the clouds.

Not for Long.

Not for very long.

Have you come to an end of yourself? Have you come to a point where nothing else seems to be working out and you've tried all you could? Click to meet GRACE