#TruthSeries: Why I don't take alcohol

I sat up on the bed as i heard the constant knocking against the ceramics, the noise filled the atmosphere with the grunts of pain.
I sat still as all the memories just kept flooding in "When will all this end" I said, more out of pity than spite.
We've come a long way to still be spiteful about this. Scenarios upon scenarios came crashing on my shoulders, weight i wasn't ready to carry this midnight. 

The late nights.

The stench.

The endless rants.

The lets-pretend-lastnight-didn't-happen mornings

The promises.

The broken promises.

Time and time again "I will reduce it" was all we heard, if the efforts were obvious, the mirage of the words would have been a little tangible. But, Shadows, we still chasing.

One memory that cannot fade - I came at you like a roaring lion - barking it out at past midnight, my frustrations, my hurt about your other thorn. Wrong timing, i agree. I was hurt.

I'm not even married to you yet I feel cheated and betrayed constantly with every obvious lie. What you think? I'm 12? You raised me smarter than that, you should know better.

The knocking against the ceramics from the next room has not stopped "Why do you do this to yourself" I ask myself. Somethings we never understand but "they" also say the first step to solving a problem is acknowledging the problem right?
How can we work together to solve this problem, if everyone but you sees this as a problem?

Thats why all efforts has been futile all these years, prayers seeming unanswered. 
Then i heard again "Don't blame them when they don't see the problem, the forces working against them are higher. Deal with the forces"(Paraphrased)
 After that i stopped blaming you, stopped resenting, I let it go. 

Then I almost became you. 

I made a mistake once that cost me one of the most important things in my life. For someone that doesn't take alcohol, for a very silly reason I downed more than half a bottle of white wine. 
No, I won't re-tell my misbehavior.  I will only re-tell the most painful part of it. In the midst of my half-conscious misbehavior and not being able to put a filter in my mouth she said to me

"You are just behaving like your father" 

The one sentence that  has ever cut through my very essence, even in the chemically induced state. The pain from the cut brought tears, although I laughed out almost immediately(blame the drink). I've forgiven her.  I never forgot, I never forget. 

My name is S.
And I will never drink anything alcoholic again. 

Have you come to an end of yourself? Have you come to a point where nothing else seems to be working out and you've tried all you could? Click to meet GRACE