I don't have an appropriate title (2013 Review)

Hello Everyone,

I know this is probably stale but I had to tell of Gods goodness towards me in the course of 2013, by the end of the post you will probably know why I couldn't put it up before now. Here is how my year went and what I hope to do in the new year.

*                                                                          *                                                                    *

Lying on the bathroom floor tugging at my chest like a lion tearing apart its prey. As if to physically remove the pain I felt.
"Why?" I asked
In my mind, I was asking God, but I had also come to a place where I felt he wasn't listening anymore. The emptiness was eating me up. The clutching pain won't let me go. My lips won't part to say word to anyone about my inside.
This was always at night, most nights. I will smile in the morning after touching up my face with some powder or Just simply say
"Its the sleep that made it swollen" to anyone that noticed my eyes.

It was Dec 2012 and I just had a very rough end of the year, enough was enough, I didn't want to go into 2013 with the "depression"
For the first time in my whole life, I decided to sit at home - against my mother's wish ofcourse - for the crossover into 2013, This was going to be the last day of crying with so much pain on the inside.

Pain from being clueless.
Pain from a hurting heart.
Pain from a restless soul.
Pain from a restless heart.
Pain from an empty heart.
Pain from being Jobless.
Pain from shattered hopes and dreams.
Just Pain.

I sat and "talked" with God, cried my system out, tried to pull the hurt - once again. Then I slept into the new year.

You can guess, the year didn't start on a very high note for me, I had gotten rejected for my masters application and I wasn't even motivated to brush up my CV not to talk of applying for Jobs.
The constant nagging of my parents about me not going for Interviews

"Or you are not applying?"
"Or you don't want to work?"
"Which one do you want to do?"
I will just mumble a reply and let it rest.

I started going to my mother's Shop and I just got introduced to Andrew Wommack(Thanks Mandy). Everyday, I would drive to 'work' (Mother left her car for me on most days) and soak in the sermons, every Wednesday, I would go for morning prayer meeting which was attended mostly by the older women in the church, my tiny self, with just one or two men (Really? Are women more prayerful?)

I did all of these diligently, week in, week out.
I had a dream on the 17th of Jan, one that shook me to my very core and at the same time made me happy.
*Cuts out insignificant part*
I was on my way home and I saw 2 demon-like creatures that stood in my way, I called the name of Jesus to rebuke them and guess what? They laughed in my face "You this small girl calling a name you know nothing about" I got scared and ran back.

I didn't see a light or a bright white person but I just knew God came on the scene, this is how I put it in my journal

"God showed up among them and his voice was so calm, soothing and with so much authority like he was giving a command in the nicest voice. Not shouting and all.

Like saying "She called and I answered" maybe not in those exact words and the demons scattered into pieces of flesh"

I later wrote "Don't shout, Help is on the way"

I got a Job in March and between the time I had the dream and when I got the Job, I went for 3 interviews in those 3 weeks. My mum missed me in her shop and I miss going for Prayer meeting. 

"And it shall come to pass, that whosoever shall call on the name of the LORD shall be delivered: for in mount Zion and in Jerusalem shall be deliverance, as the LORD hath said, and in the remnant whom the LORD shall call" ~ Joel 2:32

Before now, I was the only one in my house that didn't have a passport not to talk of travelling by air. In the first 3 months of working all of that changed.

In my plan, I had "Move out" as a 2014 goal, but I got an apartment by the end of August 2013. I Live in a semi-empty, small place, nothing fancy by the worlds standard, but I Love it regardless. 

I "planned" to start saving for my Camera in 2013 and get it by the end of the year, I got one by the middle of the year. I have no idea how all of these happened, It was just evident that God tore my "plans for 2013" sheet off and handed me a new one.

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
    neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.
9 “As the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so are my ways higher than your ways
    and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9

I think I attended like 4-5 different churches this year and finally settled in one, attended 4 gospel musical concerts (yay) Loved every bit of it. I Loved God and will continue to Love God.

This my small blog got to 50,000 hits this last year and the number of people that God blessed through my crappy writings was just really humbling, I started Daily Exhortations and there were some days I didn't have Bible Verses to share from not studying the Word the previous night or week and I wanted to just quit, but people just tell me in those times (talk about perfect timing) How the daily exhortations has blessed them in ways I can't understand. So, I kept on, I keep on - Daily, bringing Gods word to you one verse at a time! 

God is faithful, I tell you.

I cried so much in the year, cut my hair in one of the low points too, I had days of not knowing where the transport fare for the next day is coming from, not having what to eat and God showed up at the nick of time.

Recently My mum were joking about something (Can't remember exactly)  But I remember telling her that she won't know when I don't have money and she kinda 'yimu-ed' at me, then I went on to ask her If she knew about the days I walked to and from work, she looked back at me in disbelieve till my sister confirmed it. 

In those days, God still showed up.

"What is man, that thou art mindful of him? and the son of man, that thou visitest him?" Psalm 8:4

The end of the year had us celebrating December in the Hospital, not sleeping at night, waking up to go to work from the hospital, taking turns to go sleep at home. I watched people watch their loved ones die on Christmas day, boxing day, New years day. Sigh. 

Makes you just sit back and be Thankful (I will write about this when the smoke finally clears) 

I learnt not to limit God, I learnt to praise in the storm and put on my faith-life-Jacket because the storm raged, but I am here - standing. Lets not even talk about the days I fell, face flat, took me some time to dust myself off and stand again but the word says 

"For a just man falleth seven times, and riseth up again..." Proverbs 24:16

I am NOT looking forward to the new year - yet because I know Gods going to do a new thing and I feel like I didn't enjoy this phase enough but one thing I will do (regardless of how I feel) is.... "forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before,

I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:13-14

I don't know what this year holds and although I've written my hopes and Visions for the year and given to HIM to do with it as he pleases, Its already the end of the first week and I already feel direction-less (Typical x_x) But, I really don't care all I want to do is seek God this year and let him take over my life, I know he has the compass, won't it be foolish of me if I don't carry my cross and follow him? 

Hope Its not too  late to say Happy New year? :) 

Happy New year Lovely people!! Lets make 2014 worthwhile shall we? 

Cheers

*Raises glass*

Have you come to an end of yourself? Have you come to a point where nothing else seems to be working out and you've tried all you could? Click to meet GRACE