Dear Future Husband

Hello Everyone,

How has your week been? So, randomly when i'm looking for something around my room I find old journals. This weekend, I found an old prayer journal and found this written at the back and sometimes I wonder the things that was going through my mind at the time. Anyways, Too much talk. Enjoy!

*Face palm*

7/3/2014

Dear Future husband,

I envy you alot because you are getting the best deal from God as a wife at the same time, I dont because sometimes, I cant live with myself I wonder how you will be able to cope inm those times. Gods grace is sufficient right?

No Pressure -__-

Why do I find myself thinking about you lately? Do I know you yet? or will you just  show up and everything will fall into place?

Know I Love you already! And I pray for you - alot.

I told God that I wanted to look at my side everyday for the rest of my life and go ¨Thank you, I got more than I asked¨ Like I would know I don’t deserve you but he blessed me anyways, you know just like Gods grace… 

So Yes, I envy me for the super-awesome person you are or God is moulding you to be.

But, please, be quick. Can’t wait to shower this plenty love on you.

errrmm....

Your wife in waiting,

The Best deal in God's Vineyard

'Tomilola

Are you like me and you've had conversation about your future husband to God? Care to share? I want to listen

Have you come to an end of yourself? Have you come to a point where nothing else seems to be working out and you've tried all you could? Click to meet GRACE

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Can you help me say "Thank You" to my folks?

Hello people,

I have come to ask a favour today. I mentioned in my 2013 review that December didn't go exactly as it was planned.

My younger sister had an accident on the 10th of December and when it happened my dad was away on a trip and my mum kicked into action. The only time i've seen her like that was when her dad died (which happened in the midnight) and used the little credit on her phone to literally call their whole family - and boy are they large - her strategy was call, drop the "bomb" then cut the phone and they called back... genius right? I digress

I saw my mum the next day after the accident, she hadn't changed her cloth, the bread she was supposed to eat was still in her bag and she is going up and down paying for this, paying for that and if you know all these hospitals well, where you pay is not where you will collect receipt all the while constantly checking her baby in the emergency ward.

3 hospitals and one surgery later, Jan 10 (Exactly a month), my sister was discharged from the hospital and my mum was there everyday by her side and I must say that I love how my sister was so positive through it all. She said the most hilarious things in the most critical state, Like one hospital when they wanted to turn us away and my aunt was already tearing up my sis was saying really hilarious stuff. Bless her soul.

She did this one on her hospital bed

Love the positive attitude 

She got back to school and my dad will go back and forth to the school to sort out her admission and making sure that she is comfortable there.

Now, to my favour. One day my sister pinged me and said "I cry everytime mummy says the story of when I was in the hospital, she did so much and I don't know how to say Thank you" after my "Awwww-ing" and smiling I told her that she can only Love her, pray for her and do her proud and there is no "Thank you" better than that.








But then I also wanted to do this because I understand what we all went through in that period and I want to publicly say a huge "Thank you" to my parents for being a caretaker of Toyosi. Only God can reward their efforts honestly.

Please, I also need you to drop a sincere "Thank you" to my parents(My mum reads). Thank you and God bless you!!


Have you come to an end of yourself? Have you come to a point where nothing else seems to be working out and you've tried all you could? Click to meet GRACE

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I don't have an appropriate title (2013 Review)

Hello Everyone,

I know this is probably stale but I had to tell of Gods goodness towards me in the course of 2013, by the end of the post you will probably know why I couldn't put it up before now. Here is how my year went and what I hope to do in the new year.

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Lying on the bathroom floor tugging at my chest like a lion tearing apart its prey. As if to physically remove the pain I felt.
"Why?" I asked
In my mind, I was asking God, but I had also come to a place where I felt he wasn't listening anymore. The emptiness was eating me up. The clutching pain won't let me go. My lips won't part to say word to anyone about my inside.
This was always at night, most nights. I will smile in the morning after touching up my face with some powder or Just simply say
"Its the sleep that made it swollen" to anyone that noticed my eyes.

It was Dec 2012 and I just had a very rough end of the year, enough was enough, I didn't want to go into 2013 with the "depression"
For the first time in my whole life, I decided to sit at home - against my mother's wish ofcourse - for the crossover into 2013, This was going to be the last day of crying with so much pain on the inside.

Pain from being clueless.
Pain from a hurting heart.
Pain from a restless soul.
Pain from a restless heart.
Pain from an empty heart.
Pain from being Jobless.
Pain from shattered hopes and dreams.
Just Pain.

I sat and "talked" with God, cried my system out, tried to pull the hurt - once again. Then I slept into the new year.

You can guess, the year didn't start on a very high note for me, I had gotten rejected for my masters application and I wasn't even motivated to brush up my CV not to talk of applying for Jobs.
The constant nagging of my parents about me not going for Interviews

"Or you are not applying?"
"Or you don't want to work?"
"Which one do you want to do?"
I will just mumble a reply and let it rest.

I started going to my mother's Shop and I just got introduced to Andrew Wommack(Thanks Mandy). Everyday, I would drive to 'work' (Mother left her car for me on most days) and soak in the sermons, every Wednesday, I would go for morning prayer meeting which was attended mostly by the older women in the church, my tiny self, with just one or two men (Really? Are women more prayerful?)

I did all of these diligently, week in, week out.
I had a dream on the 17th of Jan, one that shook me to my very core and at the same time made me happy.
*Cuts out insignificant part*
I was on my way home and I saw 2 demon-like creatures that stood in my way, I called the name of Jesus to rebuke them and guess what? They laughed in my face "You this small girl calling a name you know nothing about" I got scared and ran back.

I didn't see a light or a bright white person but I just knew God came on the scene, this is how I put it in my journal

"God showed up among them and his voice was so calm, soothing and with so much authority like he was giving a command in the nicest voice. Not shouting and all.

Like saying "She called and I answered" maybe not in those exact words and the demons scattered into pieces of flesh"

I later wrote "Don't shout, Help is on the way"

I got a Job in March and between the time I had the dream and when I got the Job, I went for 3 interviews in those 3 weeks. My mum missed me in her shop and I miss going for Prayer meeting. 

"And it shall come to pass, that whosoever shall call on the name of the LORD shall be delivered: for in mount Zion and in Jerusalem shall be deliverance, as the LORD hath said, and in the remnant whom the LORD shall call" ~ Joel 2:32

Before now, I was the only one in my house that didn't have a passport not to talk of travelling by air. In the first 3 months of working all of that changed.

In my plan, I had "Move out" as a 2014 goal, but I got an apartment by the end of August 2013. I Live in a semi-empty, small place, nothing fancy by the worlds standard, but I Love it regardless. 

I "planned" to start saving for my Camera in 2013 and get it by the end of the year, I got one by the middle of the year. I have no idea how all of these happened, It was just evident that God tore my "plans for 2013" sheet off and handed me a new one.

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
    neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.
9 “As the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so are my ways higher than your ways
    and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9

I think I attended like 4-5 different churches this year and finally settled in one, attended 4 gospel musical concerts (yay) Loved every bit of it. I Loved God and will continue to Love God.

This my small blog got to 50,000 hits this last year and the number of people that God blessed through my crappy writings was just really humbling, I started Daily Exhortations and there were some days I didn't have Bible Verses to share from not studying the Word the previous night or week and I wanted to just quit, but people just tell me in those times (talk about perfect timing) How the daily exhortations has blessed them in ways I can't understand. So, I kept on, I keep on - Daily, bringing Gods word to you one verse at a time! 

God is faithful, I tell you.

I cried so much in the year, cut my hair in one of the low points too, I had days of not knowing where the transport fare for the next day is coming from, not having what to eat and God showed up at the nick of time.

Recently My mum were joking about something (Can't remember exactly)  But I remember telling her that she won't know when I don't have money and she kinda 'yimu-ed' at me, then I went on to ask her If she knew about the days I walked to and from work, she looked back at me in disbelieve till my sister confirmed it. 

In those days, God still showed up.

"What is man, that thou art mindful of him? and the son of man, that thou visitest him?" Psalm 8:4

The end of the year had us celebrating December in the Hospital, not sleeping at night, waking up to go to work from the hospital, taking turns to go sleep at home. I watched people watch their loved ones die on Christmas day, boxing day, New years day. Sigh. 

Makes you just sit back and be Thankful (I will write about this when the smoke finally clears) 

I learnt not to limit God, I learnt to praise in the storm and put on my faith-life-Jacket because the storm raged, but I am here - standing. Lets not even talk about the days I fell, face flat, took me some time to dust myself off and stand again but the word says 

"For a just man falleth seven times, and riseth up again..." Proverbs 24:16

I am NOT looking forward to the new year - yet because I know Gods going to do a new thing and I feel like I didn't enjoy this phase enough but one thing I will do (regardless of how I feel) is.... "forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before,

I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:13-14

I don't know what this year holds and although I've written my hopes and Visions for the year and given to HIM to do with it as he pleases, Its already the end of the first week and I already feel direction-less (Typical x_x) But, I really don't care all I want to do is seek God this year and let him take over my life, I know he has the compass, won't it be foolish of me if I don't carry my cross and follow him? 

Hope Its not too  late to say Happy New year? :) 

Happy New year Lovely people!! Lets make 2014 worthwhile shall we? 

Cheers

*Raises glass*

Have you come to an end of yourself? Have you come to a point where nothing else seems to be working out and you've tried all you could? Click to meet GRACE

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Do you Know who your father is?

"I can't understand God by feelings. I understand God by what the word says about him. He is everything the word says he is" ~ 

Hello Everyone!

How are you doing this week? Today I am talking about our heavenly father.  
I went through a time that I was aware of the fact that I didn't know who God was and really I know its a point we get to in our walk with him. 

Alot of us want to get to know God through experience (And we can learn somethings through different experiences in life) but the number 1 way to know God is through his word. We listen and digest people tell us about who God is to them and we are lazy to get into the word to let God reveal himself to us personally.

[source]

I am going to highlight a few ways that God has made himself real to me;

God is the word

"In the beginning was the word, and the word was with God and the word was God" John 1:1 

God is Love

"He who does not love has not become acquainted with God [does not and never did know Him], for God is love." 1 John 4:8

God Is The Almighty 

 I wrote once about how I asked God one day "Who are you?" and the next day a friend sent me the Bible verse Amos 4:13 For, lo, he that formeth the mountains, and createth the wind, and declareth unto man what is his thought, that maketh the morning darkness, and treadeth upon the high places of the earth, The Lord, The God of hosts, is his name.
going through different translations and one says;
 "This is his name: the Lord God Almighty!" another says "His name is Yahweh, Lord God All-Powerful"

In the Old testament, they knew a different side of God and Jesus came to reveal the Loving side of God. Thats why He so loved us that he gave his only son [John 3:16] 

Now, In light of that Love, God wants to have a relationship with us. At a time I always thought when something was going wrong God was somehow punishing me for a sin I had committed, But I got in the word and saw what the new covenant says 

"... Their sins and Iniquities I will remember no more" [Hebrews 8:12] and all he wants to do is take care of his children [Matt 6:31-33] 

Are you in this walk with God and ever felt like you need to know him more? Get in the Bible - Its filled with revelation knowledge of who he is - and when you get familiar with the father through his word and begin to walk in the light of who he is to you, your 'blue days' will be over because you will know you are not alone and you will feel safe and secure in his Love.

He also calls us in 1 Peter 5:7 to cast ALL of our cares on him because he cares for us. Lets abandon ourselves in his love, wake us everyday with the awareness that God loves us and not worry. 

Listen to this song; (Its a form of prayer) I surrender - Hillsong

Have you come to an end of yourself? Have you come to a point where nothing else seems to be working out and you've tried all you could? Click to meet GRACE

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Cover me right.

Walking around fully clothed and still longing for a covering. Anyone else ever felt that way? And when people stare at you for too long you start to feel awkward, like “Can you stop already”

I’ve felt that way countless times.

We are going to camp in Gen 2 &3 for this today. Stay with me

“And they were both naked, the man and wife and were not ashamed” Gen 2:25

The first thing people will jump at here is Aha! Wedding night, when they are naked they will not be ashamed, Yeah partially but we are also aware that some married people are still “shy” of their nakedness. Think about it.

Let us bear in mind that this verse was before they ate of the tree in the midst of the garden and we know how the story went. The serpent, Eve then Adam… back and forth then BAM!!

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100 Truths about me!

I saw this on Nikkysho's blog and i wanted to do it too :) but I stole it from Sugabelly.

LASTS

1. Last drink:

Water

2. Last phone call:

My Sister

3. Last text message:

MTN - I only get text messages from them these days

4. Last song you listened to:

Hezekaih Walker - God favours me ft Marvin sapp

5. Last time you cried:

Yesterday - 

 SIX HAVE YOU EVER:

6. Dated someone twice:

No

7. Been cheated on:

Yes

8. Kissed someone:

Yes

9. Lost someone special:

Yes… My grandmother

10. Been depressed:

Yes

11. Been drunk and threw up:

No

 LIST FOUR FAVORITE COLOURS:

12. Green
13. Blue
14. Black
15. Purple

HAVE YOU:

16. Made new friends:

Yes.

17. Fallen out of love:

Yes.

18. Laughed until you cried:

Yes

19. Met someone who changed you:

Yes

20. Found out who your true friends were:

Yes, eye opening experience

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VLOG: Liebster Awards

The rules are as follows

1. Thank and link back to the giver.

2. Answer the giver’s questions.

3. Nominate five other blogs with fewer than 200 followers.

4. Ask five questions for one’s nominees to answer.

5. Post it on your blog.

 I got the awards from toin, ay, sugarspring and 'feyi Thank you girls so much!!

My own answers is this video, because i was thinking of how i would type it all x_x Lazy much!!

I nominate

- Didi's Zone: I want more guys on this
- Blogoratti: Your posts are always too simple :p
- RareJewelRJ - Come to the bloggers community ;)
- NikkiSho - I just want to know you more
- Lahrah - Just because i can :)

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Dear Father.

I wrote this in my prayer journal after i heard that Goldie died. I decided to share this because i kind of just felt the need to.

  

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                                                                                             15^th Feb, 2013

Dear God,

I know people die everyday. Even when we are not aware at all, all over the world. But its hits you when its someone you can put a name and face  to *sigh*

After death, that’s it. No more trying to live for you, I read “Pray for her soul” and your words clearly says after death judgement? Means there is so much “praying for the soul” that can be done after. They are really gone. Sadly, a lot of people will go back to their lives after this.

I’m not anywhere close to where I want to be in you, so not. This. Is. A. wake. Up. Call.

Please, please. Help me.

I want to confidently write down someday “When you hear I am dead, don’t believe because – then just then will I be more alive- alive in Christ”

I want to confidently write that, please Lord. Everything just seems so insignificant all of a sudden. I want you, I want more of you. Help me.

I don’t care what the world thinks, I want to be all about you. I am all about you, nothing more, nothing less.

Because at the end of the day, the walk with you is a personal walk.

Thank you so very much for the gift of life, Life is indeed a gift because with life there is still hope, hope for an inheritance…Thank you for the opportunity you are giving me again to chase after you and your kingdom.

I am not better. No special talent. I still roll my eyes when I get sent on errands. I still have negative thoughts, I still battle with my flesh, I still judge people, I wrestle with the voice that is contrary to what I believe in my head, I still keep quiet about my faith so people wont say “Your own is too much” I don’t love my neighbor, not to talk of loving them as myself, not like I have a greater measure of grace. I. Am. So. Not. Worthy. But you count me worthy.

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(K)night Walker

In the spirit of Love.

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I looked into the night sky,
Shining below, the numerous stars and the smiling moon.
I had to walk under this beautiful scene,
I let my legs sink into the sands and with every step, I felt a lot more confident than the last.

Then I saw you, still, staring ahead into the ocean, oblivious of the world.
I envied you, I wanted that,
You turned and looked in my direction,
The unmistakable blue eyes drew me closer.
No words.
You looked and saw my soul

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Random-Rants

Hi.

Happy February 2013. Truthfully, this is not a rant. I don't have a title and i have many random stuff i want to write about and i have one update to give by popular demand (How i got home) from my last post.

Here it goes;

• I am trying to write now, a friend of mine wants to help me get a writing gig and asked me to write something  and i promised to write it today and send it by Tuesday (Which is today because its past 00:00) anyways, after prayer today, i had the perfect story-line-ish to write about, I write better in the middle of the night so i ''postponed'' to my creative hours then...... My Biro stopped working *Sigh* I've gone to everywhere in this house to check for a red or black biro, i didn't find, I. WONT. USE. BLUE. BIRO. (the devil is a liar) *Hot tears* i decided to type directly from my brain, it just never comes out right :( I'm getting a new biro tomorrow, well if i get the money! -_____- 

• Big girls don't cry, Yes. The fact has been established now abi? who is arguing with you? But who said i was a big girl? X__X I cried! Not because i was sad or anything but out of gratitude, and surprise. I went through my blog and realised how personal this blog is, wow! i've really put myself out there on here, but i'm so grateful because i can come back here look back and see how far i have come! i cried.. silent cry that just means "Thank You"

•  Ever been praying about somethings and for some people and you can watch you prayers for other people being answered and you are wondering "Lord, you need to go back and see my request list errmmmm....i also said ask for something(s), why did you skip that part?" Well.... I think i need to have another talk with God. :) 

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I get on my knees...

"Its the 24th and I've spent more time on my knees this year than the whole 2012" - Me

I fall on my knees and ask why?
I fall on my knees to understand why?
I fall on my knees to know why you forsake me?
I fall on my knees to know why everyone else sees it except me?
I fall on my knees!

I fall on my knees to remind you that I waited on you for 3days to give me answers?
I fall on my knees to remind you of what you say.
I fall on my knees to wonder why you let me pick my last money to go seek vague answers.
I fall on my knees to wonder.

I fall on my knees to ask why.
I fall on my knees to ask why I'm different?
I fall on my knees to ask why I am so aware of what seems oblivious to the rest of the world?
I fall on my knees to ask why?
I fall on my knees to ask why its when I consciously handed my life over to you it became harder.
I ask why its when I submitted for directions I got nothing!

I fall on my knees to ask.
I fall on my knees to seek.
I fall on my knees to knock.
I fall on my knees and found.
I fall on my knees and the doors Open.
Where is my "given"?
I fall on my knees to take doubt away.

"Maybe you are speaking through the silence" I console myself, but this silence isn't even loud enough!
I fall on my knees again!
I believe in no one else but you.
You've made me happier in the past few month, I know that wasn't me.
So why then would you make me take steps backward?
I fall on my knees again - I ask - Take it all away!

I fall on my knees to say "I'm sorry"
I fall on my knees to declear my love for you
I fall on my knees to praise you.
I fall on my knees Lord!!!

Once again. Take me as I am and do not let go.

Song that I recently stumbled upon "Praise you in the storm - Casting Crowns"

"I'll praise you in this storm, I would lift my hands. You are who you are, no matter where I am. Every tear I cry, you hold in your hands, you never left my side, though my heart is torn, I'll praise you in this storm"

P.S: I wrote this saturday morning after I discovered that I misplaced 500bucks when I checked my pocket trying to pay for the bus, between wondering how I lost the money and convincing myself I did the right thing by not collecting the money offered to me some 15-20mins ago, it all came crashing on me (Don't ask how I got home) funny how I feel a lot happy now, but I still decided to post this, because, people would read and think your life is a bed of roses, its NOT! This is also a reminder to me that I will always fall, what matters is who I turn to when I fall.

P.p.s: I did not cry on the bus! Whoop whoop. Someday, I will tell the story, my story!

What do you do when it all doesn't make sense? Even when God speaks?

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I'm Sorry

"He that is without sin among you cast the first stone at her - Jesus"

"Love your neighbor as you Love yourself" - Jesus

I'm Sorry.
I'm Sorry for not saying sorry earlier.
I'm Sorry for not thinking that i had even offended you
I'm Sorry for shoving my faith in your face
I'm Sorry for making you feel like am all perfect.
I'm Sorry for the times i didn't smile at you even when i realised that's all you needed.

I'm Sorry.

I'm sorry for not saying hello when i passed beside you.
I'm sorry for talking behind your back and calling you "weird".
I'm Sorry for not listening when you just wanted to talk and i just kept rambling about myself.
I'm sorry for not saying "Thank You"
I'm Sorry for not saying "Please"

I. AM. SORRY

I'm Sorry for shifting away when you sat close to me.
I'm Sorry for not giving when you asked.
I'm Sorry for not giving when i see that you needed and i had.
I'm Sorry for walking past you when you needed someone to help you cross the roads.
I'm Sorry for the sterotypes.

I'm Sorry.

I'm Sorry for walking away because "i didn't have anything to say"
I'm Sorry for laughing at you and calling you "Ugly"
I'm Sorry for not hanging out with you because of "What the world would think"
I'm Sorry for not wiping your tears when i saw them drop.
I'm Sorry for the rude comments.
I'm Sorry for being disobedient.

I'm Sorry.

I'm Sorry for not showing Love like i should.
I'm Sorry for Looking at you through my lens.
I'm Sorry for not looking at you through the God-lens.
I'm Sorry for my un-Christlike Behaviour.

My Name is Oluwatomilola and I AM SORRY

P.S:

I got the idea to do this on this Blog i found (Please do go through the article)

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Happy Nappy

Hello People, How is the 2013 Journey going? Mine? Lovely :) So, i've been meaning to do this and since i had alot of time on my hands today i decided to go through my pictures to share my Natural hair Journey. Hope You guys enjoy it :)

Journey so far!

My hair was really long before i semi-big chopped it, but when you are in the north with the weather and not knowing what to do with your hair and it starts breaking, your next instinct is to cut it off. Well thats what i did, now let me walk you through my journey.

Long hair :)

Transition!

 I Cut it the first time and i felt it was still too long and cut it lower a few days later.

TWA

TWA.. Does this length count?

TWA

I love Twist outs

Mini-Afro

Twist-out

Wash and go afro

Twist out fro-hawk

The best styles... The fro-hawk got me attention!!

Twist-outs and Afro

Kinky Afro!

Protective Styles!

Call it bad hair days... x_x

That is my Natural hair Journey so far... Getting ready to rock my Semi-big Afro!!! Yaaaay!! I LOVE MY KINKY HAIR!!!!!

Black and Proud.

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NewYear Highness!!!

This is my sister and i goofing around tonight and i thought i should share.... we didnt drink anything. Too much happiness in the system, i guess! This time i am shyyyyyyyyyy X_X

Hope you enjoyed my dancing video

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