Love and Gratitude

When i read this passage i instantly fell in love with it, because it expressed exactly what i couldn't put into words at the time. Psalm 139(msg)

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A David psalm. GOD, investigate my life; get all the facts firsthand.
I'm an open book to you; even from a distance, you know what I'm thinking. 
 You know when I leave and when I get back; I'm never out of your sight. 
You know everything I'm going to say before I start the first sentence. 
 I look behind me and you're there, then up ahead and you're there, too-- your reassuring presence, coming and going. 
 This is too much, too wonderful-- I can't take it all in! 
 Is there anyplace I can go to avoid your Spirit? to be out of your sight? 
 If I climb to the sky, you're there! If I go underground, you're there! 
If I flew on morning's wings to the far western horizon, 
 You'd find me in a minute-- you're already there waiting! 
 Then I said to myself, "Oh, he even sees me in the dark! At night I'm immersed in the light!" 
 It's a fact: darkness isn't dark to you; night and day, darkness and light, they're all the same to you. 
 Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out; you formed me in my mother's womb. 
 I thank you, High God--you're breathtaking! Body and soul, I am marvelously made! I worship in adoration--what a creation! 
 You know me inside and out, you know every bone in my body; You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, how I was sculpted from nothing into something. 
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth; all the stages of my life were spread out before you, The days of my life all prepared before I'd even lived one day. 
 Your thoughts--how rare, how beautiful! God, I'll never comprehend them! 
 I couldn't even begin to count them-- any more than I could count the sand of the sea. Oh, let me rise in the morning and live always with you! 
 And please, God, do away with wickedness for good! And you murderers--out of here!-- 
 all the men and women who belittle you, God, infatuated with cheap god-imitations. 
See how I hate those who hate you, GOD, see how I loathe all this godless arrogance; 
 I hate it with pure, unadulterated hatred. Your enemies are my enemies! 
 Investigate my life, O God, find out everything about me; Cross-examine and test me, get a clear picture of what I'm about; 

 See for yourself whether I've done anything wrong-- then guide me on the road to eternal life. 

I honestly love God and i cant stop being grateful to him for his promises, his presence, his shoulder, his grace, mercies and for counting me worthy to be part of the living to praise him everyday despite my shortcomings, i feel blessed everyday. 


Lets get our praise on. He is more than worthy!!!


I also want to use this medium to say a huge THANK YOU to everyone that reads everything i write, this blog is as good as a dead zone without you, special thanks to everyone that sent me stories for series of scars, meant alot. The support is soo massive. very very grateful. Mucho Gracias

Love!

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The Chair

I was going through a rough time and my friend @DeboAj gave me a task to write 3 stories within week with a happy ending, it was indeed a challenge because, at that time i was down in the low and writing was the last thing on my mind, not to talk of a happy ending, but i managed to write this "gba je n simi" (Take let me rest) story, hope you enjoy...
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"i, my name is toun and I need a fix” I had heard about The Chair  and how everything said in it becomes confidential, hoping that silly introduction I made becomes confidential too. Although I knew that was the official introduction  for “whatever” anonymous, I also just assumed it was appropriate for “the chair”.

Finally, I was lying on the infamous chair, the chair where many people where many people had admitted their worst fears, the chair where many people have discovered their life’s purpose, the chair that has lead to insanity for some.

It took me a lot of courage and time wasting to make it to this chair, this is my first appointment, I gave a sigh of relief, which did everything but hide my fears. It was okay, I was here. My journey brought me here. And its far from over.

Graduating from the University with a first class degree, I had so many offers for a job. I was 22. I was excited, I loved my life. I started work with the oil company that offered the highest Salary. The firs year was fun, I got paid huge money, lived alone for the first time, partied when I had the time, got a car after the first year. I was basically living the life. Not for long.

I got a promotion, I should  be happy right? No. My boss is lazy, he dumps all his work load on me, I started working 6am-9pm and I still take some work home. My life became routined, I  go to work, get take out food on my way back, sit in the same chair, use the same type of plate; which is disposable by the way, because I don’t have time to do the dishes, sit at the tv; when I don’t have work then I fall asleep. I am 24 and I don’t have a life outside work.

I live everyday like a zombie, I have my cloths and shoes arranged according to the days of the week, I have not gone out on a date in 2years, everyone at work gives me the “weird” look and whisper when I walk pass, I don’t mind. I’m excellent at my job, that consoles me. Its all I’ve got. I’m 27 and nothing has changed.

Sitting at the table one Saturday staring at a pile of workload  I had to go through, out of the blue the tears came running rushing, then the question “For how long, Toun” uncontrollable tears followed my huge question. I didn’t have the answers, I had just gotten to the point where I admitted I needed a chair. The chair. That was 6 months ago, here I am now in “The Chair” trying to talk to a total stranger to make sense of my life. This is my appointment, the first of many. I hope.

The chair has become a place of solitude, a place where I make sense of all the chaos, a place where I let it out, sitting at the other end of the room is my therapist, every Thursday, 3 months together, I put the pieces together. The chair was worth it.

I quit my job, picked  up a camera and I looked at the world through a lens, I did that weekdays and enrolled for weekend make – up classes, started going out a lot, made new friends. I met a man as I went for one of my outdoor shoots, we are going out on a date.

I’m 28. I picked up the pieces of my life and it all started with an appointment with the chair.  

What do you think?

Love

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Series Of Scars: Beat Down

I was about ten years of age and yeah, I was feeling like a big boy, I mean, wasn’t I? I was somewhat of a terrorist at that time. My peers where my subjects and I was their leader, sometimes I even led a few of my elders. Stubborn, fast-mouth, blunt, fearless, they all described me. I was a hunter, fisherman, footballer, love-messenger, to name but a few. I was just an amazing kid, yeah yeah, think whatever you wanna.

Anyway, I got back from school that fateful, which I always hated, and as usual couldn’t wait to hit the hood where my subjects where waiting as usual for out normal rounds of ‘play’. Hooked up with a few of them and after a good round of play, I had to run errands for my mother. She was a seamstress then and she had a particular man she buys her sewing materials from and that was where she needed me to go to. The man that sells the materials had a daughter who was like five to seven years my elder and she was the one I met that day. I can’t remember what happened but I remember we had an argument and because I don’t back down, I bad-mouthed her till she got so upset and got physical. I mentioned I was a big boy right? Well, I didn’t consider the age difference to be an issue until she proved it really was. She pushed me really hard and I hit my head on a wooden piller. Lets just say while I was trying to dismantle her and re-arrange her face, I passed out. Yeah, you heard right, I fainted! When I came to, I was already at the nearest chemist and had stitches on my heard. That was how I lost that fight, damnit!!! If I cut my hair very love, you won’t miss the scar.
Now, to the lesson right? Well, I learnt age really matters in a fight mostly when it’s over five years. Let me point out here that I became quite humble around her.LOL

This was written by 9jasgreat

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Series of scars: Scars of life

If my sisters read this, predictable as they are,they'ld jokenly caption it 'scars of life/destiny. They wont be far from the truth

I've had my own fair share of scars, some from pieces of broken promises (and believe me those (pieces) cut deeper than any surgical blade could). They helped me find a balance between high expectations and low standards, so these days I neither get my hopes up or let my guards down.
In the end we all resort to time, that great healer, to get rid of our scars but I look at the old and wrinkled and realise what a lousy beautician time also is.
Balancing the equation are other more physical scars, hieroglyphics I call them. Quite few in number but each enigma telling a story of its own.

Looking at my certificate and thinking 'I could have done better', then realising how many times i sat blindly through a university lecture or test, not seeing the board clearly, either using the proactive right side of my brain trying to paint a vivid picture of what was being written afar- off or just scribbling word for word from the closest notepad to me.

Also thinking of the enemies i made along the line,who at some point when i was 'seemingly' looking, waved from afar and thought it pride when the gesture wasn't returned.
I wish my opticians were more optimistic, I wish the astgmatism helped change my point of view, I wish these prescribed lenses could help me look on the brighter side and completely heal this scar they labelled 'myopia'

 At times I wonder if the myopia is the real injury and the convex lenses are just the scars, a sign of the slow healing process. I hope, thats all i can do even though my protection from the sun's ultra violet rays is the only noticable difference the lenses bring to the table.

Fools tell me I narrowly escaped albinism, I laugh it off but its probably true, but if I have learnt anything from these scars, its building my confidence to an all time high and not letting these ignorant comments breach that fortress.

Hidden or conspicous, be it a scar from an appendicitis surgery or one from the bottle of acid of a jealous lover, there is a lesson to be learnt the hard way,through the pain barrier.

Tomi akibo says scars are a true testiment to the healing process, I say ''Scars make a man, they are life's tatoos''

Nova

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Series of Scars: A Pro-blogScars

Blogging - Pouring your heart out to readers on an Online Journal about particular subjects that are of interest to you.
Adsense - A Google Advertising program that pays Web publishers for adverts shown on their articles.

Back then when USB Internet Modem was a myth and Laptops were owned only by rich kids - we internet junkies still managed to maintain an online presence by discovering, sharing, using illegal methods and software to bypass mobile network firewalls just to browse for free.

It wasn't until Seun - The owner of Nairaland.com banned all posts about illegal network hacks that most of us saw the internet can be used for so much more than just Yahoo chat.

In 2010, 15,000 Naira was BIG money(it still is) - That was the Goal i set to achieve from google adsense with the launch of a Nairaland Copy (Yes I copied Nairaland), but i soon found my rhythm and style in the Online Publishing Business, this tripled my initial goal and within 1 year, this small boy was receiving Monthly cheques in foreign currency and could afford his best gadgets, an iPhone, Laptop with 24/7 LEGAL internet and an Office!.
Ngbuzz.com was doing good!

The Scar!!!
I'm not writing about your normal Every day scar here.. (with Amala scar as an exception)
This is some Microsoft, Buys Off Facebook, and Google Type scar.. I feel like a version of Mack ZugaBug (Too lazy to google his name) who just lost Facebook..
If this doesn't qualify as a scar in your book, it's probably because i'm not genetically engineered to be as emotional as y'all. Neither do i engage in any form of social or physical activity referred to as "FUN"

Lets cut to the chase, shall we?
Ngbuzz.com is No more!
Why? - because I didn't read the Google adsense terms and condition (properly) - That long text we all scroll past and click AGREE? - who knew it would come back to bite me 2 years later.
Google adsense banned Ngbuzz for containing Adult content (words and images i usually sensored) but when a website ranks highest for the search terms like "Bigbrother Africa shower hour" "Cossy B00bs" it's bound to go down - Blurred images or not.

I Learnt this lesson the hard way and it cost me my monthly cheques which would have been over $500 - The scar is Ngbuzz.com - It stays there reminding me daily of the mistake i made.

Licking my wounds (I hate that expression) i moved on to NgbuzzBlog.com a better Pro-blogger.

--
Soki Briggs
Mozilla Rep - Nigeria
Pro-Blogger - Ngbuzz Blog
Twitter - @Briggz5d

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Scars - Imperfect me

Experience is not what happens to you. It is what you do with what happens to you - Aldous Huxley

Don't waste your pain, use it to help others - Rick Warren

Growing up riding a bicycle one can only imagine how much "injury" scars I have, but since I was blessed with a very short memory, I can't remember the story behind all the scars, but some stories you can't just forget why? Because you learnt from them the hard way.

Let's back up a bit what are scars? 

Scars are areas of fibrous tissue (fibrosis) that replace normal skin after injury. A scar results from the biological process of wound repair in the skin and other tissues of the body. Thus, scarring is a natural part of the healing process. With the exception of very minor lesions, every wound (e.g. after accident, disease, or surgery) results in some degree of scarring.

I would like us to look at wound here as either physical or emotional.

I have 2 physical Scars that I would never forget; One is the Amala Scar, don't laugh yet, here is the behind the scene story...

*flashes back to 3 years ago*

She had stopped taking anything made out of Cassava which automatically means no more Eba, this is not good news for the house Angela (house girl) me, because that's good bye to the quick and easy lunch and welcome Amala.

This faithful afternoon, my mum got back from school and asked me to go make amala for her to eat, as usual I grumbled and dragged my feet to the kitchen and started the process, for those that make amala (Normal one oh) you know its not complete till you put the pot on the floor and turn it right? Still burnt that It was only me they send all the errands, I started turning and what next? I felt the cold then hot sensation on the heel of my right leg, a lump of amala flew out the pot and balanced on my leg, how that happened I don't know, I just know I screamed and what did my mummy say? "When you won't happily do what I ask you to do, go and put cold Ogi" at that moment I got angrier that I got hurt working for her and that's all she could say but later I realised she said the truth.

Amala Scar

Today even if I'm tired and I don't feel like doing certain things I force myself to smile through it.

After she had screamed about it countless times. It only took a lump of hot amala, 1-2weeks of limping and I learnt not to grumble.

Did I mention that I finished making that amala? And my mum ate?

*sigh*

One leg sticking out the gutter, the other in the gutter, me in pain and "sorry, Tomi" in the background gave birth to this scar. It was a narrow gutter which was why both legs couldn’t fit (I was not that tiny), I went to fetch water from our modern day stream when I fell. This scar has always reminded me of that phase of my life I spent in Ife, which by the way wasn't the best, but I learnt

- I learnt that there would always be consequences for your actions

- Learnt about friendship. The good, the bad, the backstabbing and the ugly

- Learnt about dirty old men that try to take advantage of naïve young girls

- Learnt to speak Yourba better

- Learnt to do my laundry

- Learnt to stand up for myself

- This was where I picked up my sharp mouth

- Learnt to be by myself for the first time without my parents

One way or another every scar helps us to be stronger weather Physical Scars or otherwise, we just have to think about the experience and how it has helped us shape who we are today.

When I thought about writing this, the idea came to work with people on this one too, where anybody can send me his/her story about Scars that have helped strengthen You in whatever form, Someone recently told me he has a story but he just doesn't know how to write, so I'm saying here now that this isn't a competition, it’s just to help people learn and I also want to learn from other people's experiences.

I titled it SERIES OF SCARS. This is my public invitation be my guest experience teller, Share your story and if you feel you can't write it, just tell me about it and I will work on it for you, plus if you want to be anonymous that's also very welcome.

If you are interested and you want to share your story, please send a mail to me tomi_akibo@yahoo.com

Please share this post and let's get more experiences.

Thanks a lot.

Love.

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My Helper

Lift up my eyes to the hills -
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the lord,
The maker of heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot slip-
He who watches over me will not slumber;
Indeed, he who watches over me will never slumber nor sleep.

The Lord watches over me -
The Lord is your shade at your right hand;
The sun will not harm me by day, nor the moon by night.

The Lord will keep me from all harm - he will watch over my life;
The Lord will watch over my coming and going both now and evermore.

Psalm 121.

I have been feeling ill for the past few days now, lost my appetite, feel very weak then the constant headaches, I used drugs but the headache won't just go, this Psalm 121 song won't just leave my head still.

Yesterday I wrote "I don't mind falling ill, it only reminds me to depend on him"

Its just a reminder that I don't have any strength of my own and at the end of the day I have to go back to my helper.

The helper never disappoints.
Make God your helper today.


Love!
Tomilola

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31DayReset: Day31

Challenge: WRITE YOUR OWN EULOGY

Its kind of short, but this is what i want it to say,

"A Good wife, Wonderful mother, sister and friend. I was not here to be rememered, i was here to prepare. prepare for eternity. Learned. Lived. Loved"

This is me raising the bar higher and helping myself achieve this, so it can honestly be said about me.

Now i have come to the end of the reset program, and i cannot be more glad that i did this.

Thank you for following my journey and i really really hope some of it inspired you as much as it did me.

Thaankkkkkkkkkk Yoooouu!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*Huge Huge*

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31DayReset: Day 30

Challenge: Create a vision board.

I have a mental vision board and it almost similar to my life's Map, and frankly I don't know how 'm going to go about this, so I think I would just pass.

I'm glad this "Journey" is over, its just the beginning of a lot more experiences, this is just a platform for me to be more aware of some of these things I had to work on. I'm so sooo glad I did this, I kinda feel liberated in some way, I'm also almost done with my other 40days journey that I am doing on the side, its been an eye opening experience, maybe I would write a post on it later.

Thanks for stopping by,

Love!
Tomilola

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31DayReset: Day 29

Challenge: Write Your Bucket List.

For those of you that don't know what it means, things you want to do before you kick the bucket...

Here's Mine

Disclaimer: She is a very boring girl
In no particular order

1. Learn to Swim *Calling Aramaanda*
2. Kart Racing
3. Beach photoshoot with the boyfriend (errrmm.... Can we scratch?)
4. Sky dive? Indoors? *_o
5. Hang out with friends... Who has this on a bucket list?
Ok, lemmie quickly explain why this is here. I always make plans to hang with "friends" but I never see it through, so I'm guessing one day one day I wee sha get up and go! Soooon x_x

6. Start the NGO
7. Learn the bible: This is some form of motivation/ Reminder
8. Stand under a waterfall without fear -_-
9. Swim in a large body of water
10. Visit an Aqua museum
11. Enter a plane x_x
12. Learn French or Spanish
13. Write a mind blowing story
14. Be behind the camera - Dreamt about this last night *dancing*
15. Try Yoga... Seriously!
16. Buy plenty cook books and try mende mende.
17. Have a kid! Yes, I know! Its just very important noni :)
18. There is this waterfall in Africa.... Niagra falls (Did I get that right?) I wanna go there!
19. Watch the Sunrise with someone special and take picturesS
20. Sleep under the stars and not worry about mosquitoes....... iWish!

Lemmie stop! :D

Do you have a bucket list? Wanna share? Would love to read yours!
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One of those days that You know you are hungry (because you've not eaten all day) You cooked but you can't just get yourself to eat and NOTHING is wrong with you. Any cure?

Thanks for stopping by,

Love! :*
Tomilola

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31DayReset- Day 28

Today’s Challenge: LET GO OF THE PAST


Frankly i have dealt with alot of things that i was holding on to and i talked about some here and here There is really nothing more to deal with except maybe i don't know about it...

So, in the spirit of letting go,i deleted the 156 opened chats on my bbm and reduced it to 7... i know, i get attached to tiny tiny things like that x_x

All 'm doing now is trying to not get too attached to alot of things, started with twitter and i think i've weaned myself good, as much as i am tempted to go through  my TL, i just reply my dms, when i do get a notification and i get off, would def go back as soon as i feel i can actually do without it.

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Day 27

Challenge: Revive your Love life.


This is a sensitive issue for me right now. Why? Errmmmm I don't wanna tell. Anyways there is just so much I can do about the "Love life" as it is right now.

So, about reviving? I would say there is nothing left here to revive, we can only hire a pastor to help conduct the funeral service of this love life because its going 6ft under.

P.S: Goodluck to you that would be trying to dig up the remains. I so don't envy you, at the same time we don't know what God can do.

P.P.S: My phone is faulty right now (I just found out) :( So, I may not get to post regularly except when the network on my modem allows. :(( No more bbm, no more blogging *hot tears* Trying to get someone to look at it for me tho', just might be back before you say Blink :D

Thanks for stopping by,

Love!

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31DayReset: Day 25 & 26

Day 25; Challenge: Find a Community to support your goals.
Today's exercise requires you to explore different groups that you could join as part of your personal development journey.

This I would love to do, but my own question is where?? Which community?? I've never seen anything like this (I'm sure they exist sha) but as soon as I see, would definitely not let the opportunity pass me by.

Would Probably do some exploring when I get back to lagos!

Or if you know anyone, can you please help a sister?? Thanks *kisses*

Day 26; Challenge: Make a new Friend
The idea is that through your new support groups, you now have new opportunities. The more like-minded people you align yourself with, the less lonely it will be on the road towards reaching your goals.

New Friend? Have I finished being a good friend to the pack I have already?? Issokai! Ok! Seriously I have A LOT of friends, and over the past 3-4weeks I've met new ones, I can't say I'm tired of meeting new people because some of them just end up being super amazing, although I have friends but I still manage to feel lonely most of the time, where are you people? Don't they check on people in your villages??? *rme*

I don't want to have a new friend, I want to have friends that really really care, abi? Is that too much to ask from y'll?? Because I really don't know how to open up to people again (experience) I don't know if that's a good thing or not but one thing I know is somewhere somewhere down there is a heart that cherishes friendship and would love to share that with people that are worth it anytime of the day, just name the place ;)

P.s: I soo want a female bestie, one that is not far away from me, one that can knock sense into me whenever I'm being me( I do that a lot x_x), one that is super spontaneous and will drag my butt outta the house to have clean, legal fun, the adventurous type, one that would cry with me and laugh with me and I promise to always be there for you too :) If this is you and you wanna be my friend plss do get at me *puppy eyes*

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Ever been in a position where all hope seems lost, but, you know its not lost and you don't know how you know? You just know! Anyone? *sigh*

Have a lovely Sunday and thanks for stopping by.

Love :* :* :*

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