Dear Future Me

**Disclaimer: This post is really going to be long. i really hope you don't sleep off on us.**

I'm not sleeping - Yet, i'm thinking about the future. Really -____-

I got this letter from the past, I wrote it a year ago(September 8, 2012) i didn't get to read it till Monday morning(I don't sync my mail with my phone) and i had serious mixed feelings, wanted to cry and laugh at the same time. Cry because, its all i needed to hear at this time and laugh at my small humor and how much I've grown. I can only be forever grateful to the Lord of Hosts. Really, You will understand why when you read the letter and my reply. I decided to post this personal stuff here because, I really just want to brag on God.

Here goes nothing and everything.

Dear Future Me,

Hey girl.

Whatever you are doing right now, can you just stop?

Oya say "Thank You Lord", because if you are reading this, he has been faithful as ever.

Now i'm going to want you to do some evaluations and remind you of some truths :)

Btw? How are you? Hope you are good?
How is life after NYSC? Hehe fun shey? Sup with Unilag? I'm sure Gods going to do the best for you.

Have you met K? Did you get to use a camera? How did you feel? Hope learning hasn't been difficult? Or maybe you've not started sha abi? Have you?

How is the future treating everybody around you?

Is there a new guy? I sooooooooo doubt it, knowing you.

How did series of scars come along?

Hope you have been thinking about money for make-up classes? 

I trust you are staying happy, I trust you are trying to hang out with people right? Please don't tell me u backed out?

I know you are saying you would be going to the gym please get off your a** and go work out!

How has your Spiritual life been? Do you feel his presence now? Are you reading the bible? Going to church? Have you joined the choir like we said? Oya!! Go and join! :p

You need to drag your a** to the beach, I know how much you want to go, oya organize something with your sisters or D, he promised a shoot right? *dancing*

Please hang out more ooo!! Be happy, stay inspired.

Your nappy hair nko? Dreads? ​​​*Lol*

And T? Hope you have stopped thinking about him so much? Have you heard from him lately?                                                                                                      Hope you are healing fine? Does it still hurt?

*sigh*

So, girl!! I Love You!!

Don't forget to remind yourself that; Life ain't about you, love others. Grow in love. Every opportunity is an avenue to grow. Life is a trust. Life is a test. Let it go. minus negative people. Be hopeful. Be optimistic. Be realistic.

Be slow to speak, quick to listen and slow to get angry!

Forgive seventy times seven times.

Everyday strive to be a better person. Have a positive attitude to everything. LOVE till it hurts and don't stop!!

God is ALWAYS with you and please don't forget in the dark all he told you in the light.

Muaaahhh!! Muaaaahhh! No one can love you as much as I do, well maybe except God :D

Me, in the past. 

This is my Reply:

Dear Me(In the past),

Just when i think you've run out of tricks to surprise me, i get this email. Wow! Just Wow!! You just never seize to amaze me at the way your head spins right? do you?

What goes through your head when you decide to write things like these that still makes sense a year later?

I Love you, really. I underestimated you, I am sorry.

I can remember watching you write this in that office at kontagora, clueless, broken, in pain - yet - you even sound so excited about the future. I am grateful to God for that time.

Now, You asked so much questions i don't even know where to start. Lets start with the most important.

How is my spiritual life? I know, then, my spirituality was a part of my life. Now, i am my spirituality. God isn't just a part of my life anymore but he is ALL of my life. Somewhere in between this one year, a process of total surrender has/is taken/taking place and that has put God in his place in my life. Its not just saying anymore, its doing. Best decision ever. #ProudJesusGirl

Aha! The Choir. I joined - finally - I know x_x. I also had to leave, because I kinda changed my church. God is in the process of putting me where he wants me to serve in this new church, there is no rush.

Life after NYSC. Fun? You have no idea. All the "responsible" you felt in Niger, this is nothing compared to it. Lagos "responsible" be like say he get another meaning *Phew* and its so expensive, to think that God is getting rid of the Ijebu in me *tears* I can't be cheap again. 

Yes, Life is fun at the same time gets challenging but i always wake up knowing I have a big God and everything is Himpossible. See that? Himpossible. My new vocabulary. I Love it.

Yeah. Yeah. You didn't have to rub it in, So what? I don't have a new man - but I have Jesus - Yes, if getting to know Jesus more is the price i have to pay and not be in a relationship right now? Its worth it biko. Heey! don't get me wrong oh, i'm still awesome as ever and the applications are piling but when you are not ready, you are just not ready.

One big head boy *Side eyes Sope* said to me "You know in the long run Jesus will not cuddle you and kiss you"  *RME*

Leave me jor, i know oh. Don't rush the potter na, let him finish the molding in his time abi? :p

You asked if i've held a camera? hmm.. even better, I sleep in one - See why I said I underestimated you? How all of this happened within the year, only God has the explanation, only him gets the glory. After NYSC, I cleaned out my savings and paid for photography training and a couple of months ago, i got a D7000. I limited you and the God in you, I know better now. Yes, taking pictures feels soooooo good, I can't explain my love for it. Its amazing, to say the least.

Days i was using my friends camera. :)

I did go to the beach, after all this time. Thanks to Wale for making it happen and I had maximum fun.

You asked about T? Let me be honest with you as you have been with me. God sent me to show some love to his daughter recently and everyone thought I was "such a good friend" but when God says go? you go. good friend or not. Half way on the trip, it hit me that there was a possibility of seeing T, but God reminded me "This is not about you, but Love for my daughter" and that brought a peace and calm to my spirit, soul and amazingly my body and when i heard her say "People really Love me" that was the confirmation of Gods word for me. I was ecstatic. Okay, back to T.  
I did see him and I cannot tell you what that did to me, reminding myself of why I was there was the peace I felt inside and after I told A, she said I was really calm about it. Praise the Lord.

I can't say i've stopped thinking about him, and i cannot say i have not healed - over healing is worrying me sef - I got the balm of Gilead *pops collar* Also, Remember Jesus knew exactly where the colt was(location wise) i also KNOW that God knows where i am at and he is the almighty and my father, so i rest in my knowledge of his knowledge(makes sense?) I should stop talking here.

Did you say gym? I ended up loving gym time, I got my trimmed tummy and much more sef, and everybody is beginning to think I have some kinda disease that is sapping all the fat, imagine? I went and got the body that i wanted biko.

Someone asked my sister recently "How is your sister, the fat one" iLaff, when I was chubbier - they talked. I lost weight now, plenty talk. I am enjoying the fact that my tummy is trimmed and I don't worry about how it looks in dresses anymore. I don't go to the gym again now, but I try to stay healthy - when I eat x_x 

My neck is not this long again tho' x_x

I really cannot but say "Thank you" to God for taking us through that difficult part of our life, looking back i couldn't have done it without him. People laugh when i say God is the strength of my life, they don't understand why i will forever take him seriously. I live for this reference point. We really couldn't have done it without God. I will brag on him till i draw my last breath.

Thank you for the courage to pick up where you left off. Thank you for the strength to face the day even when you cried your eyes out the previous night. Thank you for the positivity of the word you let pierce through your very essence and negativity. Thank you, for without you there will be no me.

I am not where i want to be, I am glad i was where i was, pressing forward to where God wants me to be. He promised to lead me by the hand and take me there. I am patiently waiting.

Yours in the process,

Present You.

This is why i won't stop writing at-least in my journal to always have a reference point, Sope reminded me of this verse when i forwarded the mail to him. 

Habakkuk 2:2-3

2 Then the Lord answered me and said:

“Write the vision
And make it plain on tablets,
That he may run who reads it.
3 For the vision is yet for an appointed time;
But at the end it will speak, and it will not lie.
Though it tarries, wait for it;
Because it will surely come,
It will not tarry.

This is one of the times i just want to scream. Like my mind is blown away. At the appointed time, the vision will speak and i will bring my tables(journal entries) with dates for you to see. 

Have you come to an end of yourself? Have you come to a point where nothing else seems to be working out and you've tried all you could? Click to meet GRACE