Why Niger

Making my way through the other wanna-be corpers, with my tiny self and people pushing and shoving, I got to the front and traced  “DL” against my name, my head quickly did a mental calculation to mean DELTA, trying to be sure I traced again, this time I got “NG” looking confused now because I had no mental calculation of what or where that meant, with the cold water feeling… Whats a cold water feeling? You know when the day is really cold and you still trying to make yourself warm then someone pours you cold water out of wickedness and you too weak to speak or even retaliate? Yeah! That’s the cold water feeling.

Anyways, I found out that NG means Niger state and from then on without knowing what to expect I blanked out – mentally and I was indifferent about it all, preparation for camp went into full swing and the day finally came, it felt like I jumped out of my life and started watching it in 3D, I was like a walking zombie for the next one week (Its not pretty walahi)

I had absolutely no idea why God dropped me here but somewhere at the back of my mind I knew it was for a purpose and I wrote somethings down that I wanted to achieve before the end  (I wrote about it here) Its one NYSC calendar year already and I can say I got more out of the experience than I set out to.

January was the defining moment for me, with the security issues and subsidy issues in the country, the question then was: Will you go back? You really don’t want to know the number of people that came to my house to give me countless reasons not to go back (Especially Titus) my friends, pastors wife, family friends one-by-one they kept coming to convince me to relocate and for some reason (Now that I think f it, the strength wasn't from me) I stood my grounds, deep inside of me I was worried but I couldn't afford to let it show. My dad still asked me the night before I left when he saw me packing “So, you are going?” I knew they didn't want me to go but they are the kind of people that wont hold you back from whatever you decide to do, so they formed “supporting me” (God bless them for me) Looking back now, I do not regret coming down here.

The Lows

I lived alone and as much as I loved my space, sometimes I wished I wasn’t cooking for myself alone, sometimes I wished I had a friend around I could tell stuff to, don’t get me wrong I had people around me just didn’t have people I could open up to.

The boredom was real and I watched it live. Work started becoming a routine, some stubborn children, Employer wahala, I started getting depressed. Nights upon nights I cried myself to sleep, Everything didn't matter again, I wanted out, not just out of NYSC, Out of life itself, It was 11^th April, 2012. (I wrote about it here.) I thought of ways to end it all, Amidst all the thinking and depression I was wallowing in, I remembered a voice on the other end of the line that said to me “Who would I now talk to” (If you ever read this, it’s a memory I would forever cherish) That pulled me out of my wallowing and reminded me of the people that loved me.

The Highs

I pray this prayer “Dear God, Help me to help people” and it was also one of my goals this one year, although I didn't do what I really really wanted to do but the smiles I got after a class or after ding something for someone was the answer to my prayer. He did help me to help a few people within my capacity and I wouldn't have had it any other way, I was raw tears of Joy and that alone made my year and I whispered “Thank you for answering my prayers”

The not so regular hangout with my peeps was something that lifted my spirit a lot too and am grateful for the people that I met.

Staying alone, Sundays are not the same because there is no mummy to shout-wake you and remind you not to be late to church, I had to choose to go to church, and also be punctual. Church was a whole different experience, maybe because I was going because I really wanted to go or because my goal to build a relationship with God was really genuine, bottom line is it was different and I can say with all the confidence he has given me that I LOVE GOD.

Lessons Learnt

I was talking about passing out with a friend recently and he asked me “So, what are you taking back with you from kontagora” The summary of the answer is a different Tomilola.

The new tomilola:

Loves God

Has sooo much confidence in Christ

Has embraced her flaws and is working on them

Is Happier

Has switched from 80% Sad to 80% Happy

Enjoys reading the Bible (I mean I don’t fall asleep)

Thinks about things a whole lot more

Is really Thankful

Paying more attention t her writing

And I Absolutely Love her!!!!

I am far from perfect but right now i'm contended with everything God has given me and I am very grateful, I am very open to correction and I try to constantly evaluate myself to know my wrongs.

I lost a lot of things during this service year but its all for the better and more importantly I trust God for everything and he is working in places I cannot see.

I am grateful to everyone that I came in contact with during this year and most especially the people that were there for me all through, I don’t have anything to give you but I know God would bless you all for me! Thank you.

And to the people that asked me “Why Niger”, so sorry it took me this long to answer your question but there you have it.

To the people getting their posting and are worried about it, truth is God would never give you more than you can bear. Be open minded and enjoy the experience. The good. The bad. The ugly. The lessons. And Everything.

I am glad I came to Niger state and I feel fulfilled and I wont change the experience for anything else in the world.

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Tramped: The Flip Side

I want to say a huge Congratulations to my fellow Batch C corpers passing out! Its been a rollercoaster One year and I'm glad its over, may God see us through the next phase!

Now Enjoy the Flip Side! :D Don't forget to drop your comments!

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"I made it" I screamed as I got to my finish line, my goal.
Imagine my disappointment when I heard I have to be patient to get my price, my medal.
Did I just hear 279 days? Who are these people and what's with their rule of "growth" before you get a medal you earned?
You just never understand.
* * *
90 days and waiting...
Patiently.
I don't even know where I am, things are put in place for me to know or understand what's going on. As I heard. All in due time.
Till then, I wait. I grow.
* * *
155 days and waiting...
Things are different now "They" finally put it in place.
Wow! I can feel it, its a dark place.
Very dark.
There is liquid too,
I hear a voice, that's the first voice after all these days,
Such a relief, I feel safer now, I'm not alone.
But why is the voice shouting? Or is that a cry?
Why does it make me sad?
* * *
217 days and waiting...
This place is getting tight,
I'm getting tired of this darkness, I hear the same voice often, but why is she always sad? I want to meet her, if only, just to tell her everything would be alright.
I'm becoming impatient,
I kick at the door.
Its excited her more than I expected, she is supposed to be angry, I kick again. This time she warns me to stop, I obey.
Maybe she would let me out earlier on good behaviour.
* * *
279 days and the wait is over
Its happening anytime soon, those doors will open and I will finally meet her and get my medal,
I hope all this wait is worth the price.
* * *
Why are they all gathered around me? Why are you turning me upside down? I let out a scream "Don't you know that hurts?"
Where is she? Where is she?
Beginning to sound like a panic attack, but there she was, they handed me to her, I feel safe.
Yes. If this is the medal I waited for then I can say it was worth the wait.
* * *
The price is worth it, I can say that a million times over, I still don't know where I am but I'm glad there is no more darkness.
There is so much light but I don't care, I recognise the voice, I recognise the safety.
Victory feels good, You should try it.
* * *
Why does she look sad?
Is it because I cannot do things myself - yet? "I'm sorry woman" I really don't like seeing you sad.
Will my smile make you smile? I really can't help it, I have to grow right? But I'm sure I would make up for this sleepless nights I give you - Just give me time
* * *
The lights are out, I don't want to wake her - Again, but I don't feel comfortable. "I've pooed on myself - Again" I let out the cry
This is my only way of letting her know, she always understands.
She is up, I trust her to wake up - Everytime.
I should play a prank on her sometime.
I felt her hands move, I was happy, she was going to relieve me of the mess I made.
But I was wrong, she went for my mouth, how come she got it wrong this time?
I tried to cry out again instead I felt a darkness, a familiar darkness. Just like the one during the wait.
* * *
I can't help myself, I'm only a baby.
I still feel the darkness, then suddenly a light and this man in white, he called himself an angel.
He lifted me.
"Where is she?"
"Does she not love me?"
"Where am I going?"
"Where is this place?"
With a reassuring look in his eyes he said "She loves you,but now I take you to daddy"

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Tramped: Sequel

Where is my Adanna, My Nkem, My Pearl
I thought she was beautiful, I thought she was pure but she is wicked, cruel, deceitful
I refuse to spit out the foul words
Head in my hands, the anguish that plagues my heart
She allowed death to cheat her
People would never understand what I've done, they will blame and call me names but she caused it

I can't go back now
I have already threaded the path
The children must not see, I am the man of the house
Why are they so many
I blame the temptress; she allowed my loins to indulge me
She knew the imperfection I was and still married me and I couldn't refuse her plea to keep them
She held such power

So, I punish her because she is a constant reminder of my Nkem
I start the ritual that I couldn't stop
As I spread out her laps and indulged myself in what laid between
She was soft like her mother and even more perfection
And every time I sought her, the demons inside me urged on
The insidious things I did to the fruit of my loins

The world will never understand, I will always be the guilty one
The senile beast that lived in the world but I had my own battles
They had to know that, they had to understand
She was much more beautiful than the woman that birth her
Her walk, her face, and her food tasted just like my nwanyi oma used to make them

Where has she gone now
I notice her absence again, she has begun to miss our rituals
She must be punished this time around, she thinks I do not notice that she leaves
The house just before I awaken, I never sleep
I want her and I can't hold back, she had the audacity to be my Nkem's replica
She came between us

I notice she is getting bigger just the way Adanna used to when she would come with the dreaded news

Could it be?

She was just as vile then
I cannot take back my actions now, I behold her face and fall to the ground weak
I am a coward I know
It's been two months since she's been gone; it's just as well if she never returns
her younger ones worry and I soothe them, they are too young to understand
and it is just as well

As I lay on my bed that night for once my demons allow me rest

This piece was written by Tinu (@Pulchae) I Love her writing and she blogs here http://pearlpulchae.wordpress.com Do check it out! (Y)

Errrrmmm..... There is going to be a flipside to the story. Watchout! Oya! I don't want to come and hype and not deliver tho'. I'm working on something tho'.

Thanks for stopping by - Again!!! :)

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Tramped

Staring at the full length mirror watching the tears drop from the top of the fleshy arch, I feel it trickle to the bottom.
I hate you.
I now have C-cups, what happened to me beautiful B-cups?
My eyes are swollen, not from crying, all thanks to you. I can't even see those pretty legs of mine.
And my curves? I don't even want to talk about it.
You have taken my youth away. Well I gave you the power, I can only blame myself.
Right here I feel it, or do you make me pee on myself too? Or you just ready to show your face?
I don't want to know the answer to that, Let me call my sister.

I can't tell you the story of how you go here. Too sad.
Too late. You're here already.
The story of the fireworks and magic you hear happens from the first look. I didn't see it.
I look at you and all I see is one that took my youth from me.
All I see is one that made me the talk of the school.
All I see is one that got me pity stares as I walked along the street.
All I see is not you.
You are beautiful but I do not notice.
I'm busy hating you.
Tomorrow, I go to the gym.
Sure! I'ld love to take you along but I'ld drop you by the way.
* * *

Its 4:45am, the gym is by the corner, let's go on a trip first, somewhere far.
But wait! Have I said "I hate you" today?
I'm excited about this journey, let's call it a journey to my youth - Again.
You only follow me half way, I go the rest alone.
Please don't give me that look, its not going to work.
Did Jesus tell you the story of moses?
Okay! This would be similar, only I don't have a basket and there are no lakes around just gutters.

Its 5:30am.
This is half way.
Time to turn back to my youth.
You've done enough damage.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I hear about Silver spoons and some children born with them in their mouth, does the baby come out of the woman with the spoon?
Oh! Its just an expression, I get it now.
Now that I know, if I relate it to myself I would have to ask the question " What does a spoon look like?"
You know what's even sad? Our kid is asking the same question. Not for long.
Before you start to judge me, listen to my story

* * *

Waking up from the heat staring at the clock it 2am and there is no light as usual, moving my brother's leg off mine, I stood up, tip toed over the rest and went outside for fresh air. Staring at the stars, its the only hope I have, I know there has to be an opposite of this suffering.

Gave a heavy sigh just thinking of going back into that house, Its a room apartment, I'm the first child, I'm ashamed to say how many other siblings I have, good I can still count them on my 10 fingers. What was mummy thinking having us all? Gave another sigh thinking about her, she should not have left us, she was the bread winner. There was hope. May her soul rest in peace. I stare at the stars again, I need hope.

Daddy keeps reminding me that I am now the mummy of the house and I have to start doing mummy duties.
I didn't understand the rest of the mummy duties till I felt the tap at 2am.
2am everyday for a week I did mummy duties that I couldn't wash off with a bath in the morning. He disgusted me. I disgusted me. Now, I stood up every 2am.
2am outside the house was my escape from my disgusting reality.
I started sleeping during the day and staying up all night

"You this girl you are getting fatter o" My friend said when she came to see me one evening, I told her how I've been sleeping a lot more and she laughed and teased me some more about it.

* * *

"We have to run some tests to know exactly what's wrong with you" the doctor said and I couldn't imagine bola giving me money again, she only agreed to give me this one because she saw how badly I looked covered up.
I gave a deep sigh

"I honestly don't have money for any test"
Holding the results in my hands, I knew what this meant, the doctor did not have an idea and was wondering why the tears came down, how can I explain to him that I am carrying my fathers child?
The doctor says its a rear case considering the fact that I didn't know for the first 6months, I just sat there through the rest of his talk about ant-*natal, I thank him for the tests and left.

Its 2am and the cry wakes me up, I can't do this anymore. I put my hands over his mouth to shut him up, then he stopped crying after a while and he stopped moving.
He is getting cold.
I carry him and I feel nothing, I know I don't have the money to take care of him but I didn't mean to make him cold.
Maybe I just didn't know I meant it.
I try not to panic. I stood up, wrapped him up, picked a few of my things and left.

Standing outside with my mistake in hand, I find the nearest dumpstar, dropped him and with tears rolling uncontrollably, I walked away from my mistake - Forever!

**************************************

I have been seeing a lot of pictures of dead abandoned babies recently and it honestly got to me, I kept crying to God for mercy, then I asked myself why? In the process I decided to put myself in different stories and it wasn't a pretty ride. This is just my attempt to get it from their perspective.

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Th3ee + 1ne

I woke up to the ringtone of my phone

How come I recognised it?

No one ever calls

I Picked.

The voice asked just one question

What is your story?

No one has asked me that before

With tears, I narrated

Before he hung up I asked his name

"Hope" he replied. Click. *Beep*

"Anyone who is among the living has hope - even a live dog is better off than a dead lion!" Ecc 9:4

Grabbed from behind, I knew it was going to happen someday. The day had come.

He whispered into my ears,

I can't make out the sentence.

I'm terrified.

I look over my shoulder every 5mins walking through this narrow path everyday.

Today it played out.

He whispered again, this time clearly.

"I'm fear and I take you with me today"

"Do not be afraid of them; the lord your God himself will fight for you" Deut 3:22

Staring at the mirage. It looks different from what I see.

Its the first of its kind,

Its beautiful, ever seen a beautiful mirage? No? Me neither.

This one has me in it, with my hopes and dreams.

I can't go too close, we know the story of the mirage. It disappears.

But I watch from the "safe" distance.

I smile. It is real.

He stood by me, Faith he called himself and placed the beautiful mirage in my hands.

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" Heb 11:1

Sitting by the roadside with my plate. My precious plate, Begging - Again.

I smell. I know. Can't afford a bath.

Everybody walks pass this little girl everyday not even a coin to spare.

Just like everyday I sit and wait. Nothing - As Usual. Then unusual happens.

He walks past me, he stopped, then walked back. He is dumb, but he spared his coin - from his plate and a smile, I couldn't miss the smile, I smiled back.

Something else I didn't miss, what he hung on his chest.

"I'm love. I don't speak. I act"

"Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth" 1John 3:18

"Now these 3 remain: Faith, Hope, Love but the greatest of all is Love" I Cor 13:13

Thanks for Stopping by

Love!

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The Brush

This was another story i wrote in those times. A big shout out to @DeboAj for pushing me even when i didn't feel like (i know i still owe you one more story), and to those of you that are reading this blog i appreciate it more than you can imagine, you'll should see the grin on my face when i know you read. it looks like this...

Thanks for that smile ;D

So, Enjoy The very short ''The Brush''
*******************************************************************************************************

I picked up the brush and it all went away, 
it was a whole new world, different from the one I knew.
All that mattered here was just my emotions, Creativity, colours and the brush.
The pain.
The hurt.
The stares.
The discrimination.
It all goes away when I pick up the brush.
I'm a man.
I'm an artist
And I'm gay.  

x_x What do you think?

Love.

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Love and Gratitude

When i read this passage i instantly fell in love with it, because it expressed exactly what i couldn't put into words at the time. Psalm 139(msg)

********************************************************

A David psalm. GOD, investigate my life; get all the facts firsthand.
I'm an open book to you; even from a distance, you know what I'm thinking. 
 You know when I leave and when I get back; I'm never out of your sight. 
You know everything I'm going to say before I start the first sentence. 
 I look behind me and you're there, then up ahead and you're there, too-- your reassuring presence, coming and going. 
 This is too much, too wonderful-- I can't take it all in! 
 Is there anyplace I can go to avoid your Spirit? to be out of your sight? 
 If I climb to the sky, you're there! If I go underground, you're there! 
If I flew on morning's wings to the far western horizon, 
 You'd find me in a minute-- you're already there waiting! 
 Then I said to myself, "Oh, he even sees me in the dark! At night I'm immersed in the light!" 
 It's a fact: darkness isn't dark to you; night and day, darkness and light, they're all the same to you. 
 Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out; you formed me in my mother's womb. 
 I thank you, High God--you're breathtaking! Body and soul, I am marvelously made! I worship in adoration--what a creation! 
 You know me inside and out, you know every bone in my body; You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, how I was sculpted from nothing into something. 
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth; all the stages of my life were spread out before you, The days of my life all prepared before I'd even lived one day. 
 Your thoughts--how rare, how beautiful! God, I'll never comprehend them! 
 I couldn't even begin to count them-- any more than I could count the sand of the sea. Oh, let me rise in the morning and live always with you! 
 And please, God, do away with wickedness for good! And you murderers--out of here!-- 
 all the men and women who belittle you, God, infatuated with cheap god-imitations. 
See how I hate those who hate you, GOD, see how I loathe all this godless arrogance; 
 I hate it with pure, unadulterated hatred. Your enemies are my enemies! 
 Investigate my life, O God, find out everything about me; Cross-examine and test me, get a clear picture of what I'm about; 

 See for yourself whether I've done anything wrong-- then guide me on the road to eternal life. 

I honestly love God and i cant stop being grateful to him for his promises, his presence, his shoulder, his grace, mercies and for counting me worthy to be part of the living to praise him everyday despite my shortcomings, i feel blessed everyday. 


Lets get our praise on. He is more than worthy!!!


I also want to use this medium to say a huge THANK YOU to everyone that reads everything i write, this blog is as good as a dead zone without you, special thanks to everyone that sent me stories for series of scars, meant alot. The support is soo massive. very very grateful. Mucho Gracias

Love!

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The Chair

I was going through a rough time and my friend @DeboAj gave me a task to write 3 stories within week with a happy ending, it was indeed a challenge because, at that time i was down in the low and writing was the last thing on my mind, not to talk of a happy ending, but i managed to write this "gba je n simi" (Take let me rest) story, hope you enjoy...
***********************************************************************

"i, my name is toun and I need a fix” I had heard about The Chair  and how everything said in it becomes confidential, hoping that silly introduction I made becomes confidential too. Although I knew that was the official introduction  for “whatever” anonymous, I also just assumed it was appropriate for “the chair”.

Finally, I was lying on the infamous chair, the chair where many people where many people had admitted their worst fears, the chair where many people have discovered their life’s purpose, the chair that has lead to insanity for some.

It took me a lot of courage and time wasting to make it to this chair, this is my first appointment, I gave a sigh of relief, which did everything but hide my fears. It was okay, I was here. My journey brought me here. And its far from over.

Graduating from the University with a first class degree, I had so many offers for a job. I was 22. I was excited, I loved my life. I started work with the oil company that offered the highest Salary. The firs year was fun, I got paid huge money, lived alone for the first time, partied when I had the time, got a car after the first year. I was basically living the life. Not for long.

I got a promotion, I should  be happy right? No. My boss is lazy, he dumps all his work load on me, I started working 6am-9pm and I still take some work home. My life became routined, I  go to work, get take out food on my way back, sit in the same chair, use the same type of plate; which is disposable by the way, because I don’t have time to do the dishes, sit at the tv; when I don’t have work then I fall asleep. I am 24 and I don’t have a life outside work.

I live everyday like a zombie, I have my cloths and shoes arranged according to the days of the week, I have not gone out on a date in 2years, everyone at work gives me the “weird” look and whisper when I walk pass, I don’t mind. I’m excellent at my job, that consoles me. Its all I’ve got. I’m 27 and nothing has changed.

Sitting at the table one Saturday staring at a pile of workload  I had to go through, out of the blue the tears came running rushing, then the question “For how long, Toun” uncontrollable tears followed my huge question. I didn’t have the answers, I had just gotten to the point where I admitted I needed a chair. The chair. That was 6 months ago, here I am now in “The Chair” trying to talk to a total stranger to make sense of my life. This is my appointment, the first of many. I hope.

The chair has become a place of solitude, a place where I make sense of all the chaos, a place where I let it out, sitting at the other end of the room is my therapist, every Thursday, 3 months together, I put the pieces together. The chair was worth it.

I quit my job, picked  up a camera and I looked at the world through a lens, I did that weekdays and enrolled for weekend make – up classes, started going out a lot, made new friends. I met a man as I went for one of my outdoor shoots, we are going out on a date.

I’m 28. I picked up the pieces of my life and it all started with an appointment with the chair.  

What do you think?

Love

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Series Of Scars: Beat Down

I was about ten years of age and yeah, I was feeling like a big boy, I mean, wasn’t I? I was somewhat of a terrorist at that time. My peers where my subjects and I was their leader, sometimes I even led a few of my elders. Stubborn, fast-mouth, blunt, fearless, they all described me. I was a hunter, fisherman, footballer, love-messenger, to name but a few. I was just an amazing kid, yeah yeah, think whatever you wanna.

Anyway, I got back from school that fateful, which I always hated, and as usual couldn’t wait to hit the hood where my subjects where waiting as usual for out normal rounds of ‘play’. Hooked up with a few of them and after a good round of play, I had to run errands for my mother. She was a seamstress then and she had a particular man she buys her sewing materials from and that was where she needed me to go to. The man that sells the materials had a daughter who was like five to seven years my elder and she was the one I met that day. I can’t remember what happened but I remember we had an argument and because I don’t back down, I bad-mouthed her till she got so upset and got physical. I mentioned I was a big boy right? Well, I didn’t consider the age difference to be an issue until she proved it really was. She pushed me really hard and I hit my head on a wooden piller. Lets just say while I was trying to dismantle her and re-arrange her face, I passed out. Yeah, you heard right, I fainted! When I came to, I was already at the nearest chemist and had stitches on my heard. That was how I lost that fight, damnit!!! If I cut my hair very love, you won’t miss the scar.
Now, to the lesson right? Well, I learnt age really matters in a fight mostly when it’s over five years. Let me point out here that I became quite humble around her.LOL

This was written by 9jasgreat

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Series of scars: Scars of life

If my sisters read this, predictable as they are,they'ld jokenly caption it 'scars of life/destiny. They wont be far from the truth

I've had my own fair share of scars, some from pieces of broken promises (and believe me those (pieces) cut deeper than any surgical blade could). They helped me find a balance between high expectations and low standards, so these days I neither get my hopes up or let my guards down.
In the end we all resort to time, that great healer, to get rid of our scars but I look at the old and wrinkled and realise what a lousy beautician time also is.
Balancing the equation are other more physical scars, hieroglyphics I call them. Quite few in number but each enigma telling a story of its own.

Looking at my certificate and thinking 'I could have done better', then realising how many times i sat blindly through a university lecture or test, not seeing the board clearly, either using the proactive right side of my brain trying to paint a vivid picture of what was being written afar- off or just scribbling word for word from the closest notepad to me.

Also thinking of the enemies i made along the line,who at some point when i was 'seemingly' looking, waved from afar and thought it pride when the gesture wasn't returned.
I wish my opticians were more optimistic, I wish the astgmatism helped change my point of view, I wish these prescribed lenses could help me look on the brighter side and completely heal this scar they labelled 'myopia'

 At times I wonder if the myopia is the real injury and the convex lenses are just the scars, a sign of the slow healing process. I hope, thats all i can do even though my protection from the sun's ultra violet rays is the only noticable difference the lenses bring to the table.

Fools tell me I narrowly escaped albinism, I laugh it off but its probably true, but if I have learnt anything from these scars, its building my confidence to an all time high and not letting these ignorant comments breach that fortress.

Hidden or conspicous, be it a scar from an appendicitis surgery or one from the bottle of acid of a jealous lover, there is a lesson to be learnt the hard way,through the pain barrier.

Tomi akibo says scars are a true testiment to the healing process, I say ''Scars make a man, they are life's tatoos''

Nova

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Series of Scars: A Pro-blogScars

Blogging - Pouring your heart out to readers on an Online Journal about particular subjects that are of interest to you.
Adsense - A Google Advertising program that pays Web publishers for adverts shown on their articles.

Back then when USB Internet Modem was a myth and Laptops were owned only by rich kids - we internet junkies still managed to maintain an online presence by discovering, sharing, using illegal methods and software to bypass mobile network firewalls just to browse for free.

It wasn't until Seun - The owner of Nairaland.com banned all posts about illegal network hacks that most of us saw the internet can be used for so much more than just Yahoo chat.

In 2010, 15,000 Naira was BIG money(it still is) - That was the Goal i set to achieve from google adsense with the launch of a Nairaland Copy (Yes I copied Nairaland), but i soon found my rhythm and style in the Online Publishing Business, this tripled my initial goal and within 1 year, this small boy was receiving Monthly cheques in foreign currency and could afford his best gadgets, an iPhone, Laptop with 24/7 LEGAL internet and an Office!.
Ngbuzz.com was doing good!

The Scar!!!
I'm not writing about your normal Every day scar here.. (with Amala scar as an exception)
This is some Microsoft, Buys Off Facebook, and Google Type scar.. I feel like a version of Mack ZugaBug (Too lazy to google his name) who just lost Facebook..
If this doesn't qualify as a scar in your book, it's probably because i'm not genetically engineered to be as emotional as y'all. Neither do i engage in any form of social or physical activity referred to as "FUN"

Lets cut to the chase, shall we?
Ngbuzz.com is No more!
Why? - because I didn't read the Google adsense terms and condition (properly) - That long text we all scroll past and click AGREE? - who knew it would come back to bite me 2 years later.
Google adsense banned Ngbuzz for containing Adult content (words and images i usually sensored) but when a website ranks highest for the search terms like "Bigbrother Africa shower hour" "Cossy B00bs" it's bound to go down - Blurred images or not.

I Learnt this lesson the hard way and it cost me my monthly cheques which would have been over $500 - The scar is Ngbuzz.com - It stays there reminding me daily of the mistake i made.

Licking my wounds (I hate that expression) i moved on to NgbuzzBlog.com a better Pro-blogger.

--
Soki Briggs
Mozilla Rep - Nigeria
Pro-Blogger - Ngbuzz Blog
Twitter - @Briggz5d

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Scars - Imperfect me

Experience is not what happens to you. It is what you do with what happens to you - Aldous Huxley

Don't waste your pain, use it to help others - Rick Warren

Growing up riding a bicycle one can only imagine how much "injury" scars I have, but since I was blessed with a very short memory, I can't remember the story behind all the scars, but some stories you can't just forget why? Because you learnt from them the hard way.

Let's back up a bit what are scars? 

Scars are areas of fibrous tissue (fibrosis) that replace normal skin after injury. A scar results from the biological process of wound repair in the skin and other tissues of the body. Thus, scarring is a natural part of the healing process. With the exception of very minor lesions, every wound (e.g. after accident, disease, or surgery) results in some degree of scarring.

I would like us to look at wound here as either physical or emotional.

I have 2 physical Scars that I would never forget; One is the Amala Scar, don't laugh yet, here is the behind the scene story...

*flashes back to 3 years ago*

She had stopped taking anything made out of Cassava which automatically means no more Eba, this is not good news for the house Angela (house girl) me, because that's good bye to the quick and easy lunch and welcome Amala.

This faithful afternoon, my mum got back from school and asked me to go make amala for her to eat, as usual I grumbled and dragged my feet to the kitchen and started the process, for those that make amala (Normal one oh) you know its not complete till you put the pot on the floor and turn it right? Still burnt that It was only me they send all the errands, I started turning and what next? I felt the cold then hot sensation on the heel of my right leg, a lump of amala flew out the pot and balanced on my leg, how that happened I don't know, I just know I screamed and what did my mummy say? "When you won't happily do what I ask you to do, go and put cold Ogi" at that moment I got angrier that I got hurt working for her and that's all she could say but later I realised she said the truth.

Amala Scar

Today even if I'm tired and I don't feel like doing certain things I force myself to smile through it.

After she had screamed about it countless times. It only took a lump of hot amala, 1-2weeks of limping and I learnt not to grumble.

Did I mention that I finished making that amala? And my mum ate?

*sigh*

One leg sticking out the gutter, the other in the gutter, me in pain and "sorry, Tomi" in the background gave birth to this scar. It was a narrow gutter which was why both legs couldn’t fit (I was not that tiny), I went to fetch water from our modern day stream when I fell. This scar has always reminded me of that phase of my life I spent in Ife, which by the way wasn't the best, but I learnt

- I learnt that there would always be consequences for your actions

- Learnt about friendship. The good, the bad, the backstabbing and the ugly

- Learnt about dirty old men that try to take advantage of naïve young girls

- Learnt to speak Yourba better

- Learnt to do my laundry

- Learnt to stand up for myself

- This was where I picked up my sharp mouth

- Learnt to be by myself for the first time without my parents

One way or another every scar helps us to be stronger weather Physical Scars or otherwise, we just have to think about the experience and how it has helped us shape who we are today.

When I thought about writing this, the idea came to work with people on this one too, where anybody can send me his/her story about Scars that have helped strengthen You in whatever form, Someone recently told me he has a story but he just doesn't know how to write, so I'm saying here now that this isn't a competition, it’s just to help people learn and I also want to learn from other people's experiences.

I titled it SERIES OF SCARS. This is my public invitation be my guest experience teller, Share your story and if you feel you can't write it, just tell me about it and I will work on it for you, plus if you want to be anonymous that's also very welcome.

If you are interested and you want to share your story, please send a mail to me tomi_akibo@yahoo.com

Please share this post and let's get more experiences.

Thanks a lot.

Love.

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My Helper

Lift up my eyes to the hills -
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the lord,
The maker of heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot slip-
He who watches over me will not slumber;
Indeed, he who watches over me will never slumber nor sleep.

The Lord watches over me -
The Lord is your shade at your right hand;
The sun will not harm me by day, nor the moon by night.

The Lord will keep me from all harm - he will watch over my life;
The Lord will watch over my coming and going both now and evermore.

Psalm 121.

I have been feeling ill for the past few days now, lost my appetite, feel very weak then the constant headaches, I used drugs but the headache won't just go, this Psalm 121 song won't just leave my head still.

Yesterday I wrote "I don't mind falling ill, it only reminds me to depend on him"

Its just a reminder that I don't have any strength of my own and at the end of the day I have to go back to my helper.

The helper never disappoints.
Make God your helper today.


Love!
Tomilola

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31DayReset: Day31

Challenge: WRITE YOUR OWN EULOGY

Its kind of short, but this is what i want it to say,

"A Good wife, Wonderful mother, sister and friend. I was not here to be rememered, i was here to prepare. prepare for eternity. Learned. Lived. Loved"

This is me raising the bar higher and helping myself achieve this, so it can honestly be said about me.

Now i have come to the end of the reset program, and i cannot be more glad that i did this.

Thank you for following my journey and i really really hope some of it inspired you as much as it did me.

Thaankkkkkkkkkk Yoooouu!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*Huge Huge*

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31DayReset: Day 30

Challenge: Create a vision board.

I have a mental vision board and it almost similar to my life's Map, and frankly I don't know how 'm going to go about this, so I think I would just pass.

I'm glad this "Journey" is over, its just the beginning of a lot more experiences, this is just a platform for me to be more aware of some of these things I had to work on. I'm so sooo glad I did this, I kinda feel liberated in some way, I'm also almost done with my other 40days journey that I am doing on the side, its been an eye opening experience, maybe I would write a post on it later.

Thanks for stopping by,

Love!
Tomilola

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